Killian Read online

  I have to give Lily credit for holding her temper longer than I'd have thought she would have. She waits until we're in the parking lot before she whirls around, her hand on my chest. "Start talking. What did you have to do with my seven-year-old daughter punching another kid and getting herself suspended right before the end of school?"

  "She's suspended from first grade?? That's ridiculous." What is wrong with that fucking school? "I taught her some basic self-defense moves, okay? How to throw a good punch and –"

  Lily interrupts. "You taught Chloe how to throw a punch? Why in the world? When, for goodness sake?"

  "Hold up now, I'm not the one you should be mad at here. Neither is Chloe. If it's that little shithead Alex that she got into it with, she didn't do anything wrong. I told her the next time he pushed her, that she should push him back. Or hit him. Basic self-defense."

  Lily's face is white. "Have you lost your freaking mind? Are you actually insane? You can't tell a seven-year-old to punch another kid!"

  "He was pushing her around. Alex and Hannah have been bullying her, pushing her and tripping her and stuff. They kicked dirt in her face!"

  Lily stops, looking at me with her brow furrowed. "She told you that?"

  "Yeah, when we were fishing."

  "Why wouldn't she tell me?"

  I exhale heavily. "She didn't want to worry you."

  "You should have told me! Why on Earth wouldn't you tell me?"

  Shit. "I thought I was helping!"

  "Helping parent my child by teaching her how to punch someone to solve her problems?" Lily is furious. She reaches for her car door, yanking it open. "I don't need that kind of help."

  She yanks the car door closed and then she's gone.

  What was I thinking? That I could hang out with Chloe, bond a little bit, and that somehow I'd do the right thing when it came to a situation like this? Who in the world am I kidding? I have less than zero parenting skills. When I was a kid, I gave enough other kids black eyes that even the biggest bullies knew not to mess with my brothers or me anymore. Apparently, that's not how you do it.

  I'm left standing there with a sinking feeling in my gut, the sense that everything is crashing down. I fucked up – and I didn't even realize I was fucking up. I thought I was doing the right thing, which means I have no fucking clue what I'm doing.

  When it comes to kids or relationships.

  40

  Lily

  I'm so angry I think I might actually explode. The entire drive to the elementary school, I'm thinking about how mad I am at Killian. How dare he teach Chloe to punch someone? He taught my kid to use her fists on another kid.

  I'm furious with him.

  But the anger at him quickly gives way to something else – guilt. I'm angry with myself, because how did I not know Chloe was being bullied at school? She should have been able to come to me, but instead, she didn't want to worry me.

  How terrible is that? It feels like I'm the one who's been hit right in the gut. She told Killian instead of me.

  And Killian kept that secret for her. He should have told me.

  I should have known that getting involved with him was a terrible idea. Chloe and I were doing just fine without Killian in our lives. Sure, I've been having fun, laughing and feeling lighter for the first time in as long as I can remember – and Chloe likes him. But what was I thinking, dating someone who knows nothing about children?

  It's completely irresponsible. I've been irresponsible.

  "I'm really sorry," Chloe sniffles, her eyes red. "I know you're mad at me."

  I exhale heavily. "No, honey. I'm not mad at you. I'm disappointed that you didn't tell me what was happening. Alex and Hannah shouldn't have been doing what they were doing. But I'm the grownup and it's my job to protect you. You're not supposed to handle that on your own. That's why you're supposed to tell me what's happening."

  "You would tell Mrs. S."

  "So? That's who I'm supposed to tell. She's your teacher!"

  "They would just do it more. That's what happened after you talked to her before. It wouldn't do anything. And you get worried."

  "My job is to worry about you, Chloe. That's what I do, because I'm your mom. And it's definitely my job to help with this kind of stuff."

  "Alex pushed me in the shoulder."

  "So you punched him in the face?"

  "Hannah said that I don't have a dad because I'm stupid and ugly, and then Alex pushed me in the shoulder."

  "Hannah said what?" That little shit.

  "I know it's not true," Chloe says, exasperated. Her eyes well up with tears again. "But it hurt my feelings, and Alex was laughing and he pushed me again and I wanted him to shut his dumb mouth and stop pushing me. So I punched him."

  Is it wrong that I know I'm supposed to teach her not to hit other kids, but inside I'm secretly a little bit pleased that Chloe punched the kid who's apparently been tormenting her?

  I slide my arm around her and pull her onto my lap, her head against my chest. "You can't go around punching people in the mouth when they say stupid or mean things. Even if you want to. I want to punch people in the mouth sometimes, but I don't."

  Chloe starts to giggle, then sniffs. "No, you don't."

  "It's okay to feel angry and upset, but it's not okay to just hit another kid in your class. If you told me or the teacher what Alex and Hannah were doing, we'd make sure it stopped."

  "Do I get to stay home from school?"

  I groan. "Yeah, you get to stay home from school. They suspended you for three days. That's the whole rest of the school year. That means you're stuck with me at the bakery."

  Now it's Chloe's turn to groan. "All day? But tomorrow is crazy hair day." The last week of school is basically a fun week, which means Chloe's getting doubly-punished by missing out on all of the end of school activities.

  "Yep. Remember that the next time you think about giving someone a fat lip. And no TV this week, either. Make that two weeks."

  "Mo-om."

  "Don't mo-om me."

  She sighs, but she snuggles up against me, quiet in my arms. "Are you mad at Killian?"

  I exhale heavily. Am I mad at Killian? That's a complicated question. "I'm not mad at anyone, Chloe."

  "I love you, mom."

  "I love you, too."

  "What am I going to do there all day?" Chloe whines.

  "You're really going to go with whining here, when you got suspended from school?" I ask. "Hanging out with me all day long is your punishment."

  "Mo-om."

  My phone vibrates, signaling a text, but I don't open it because I'm driving. And also because I know it's Killian. Opal's daughter is already in town, so Opal is not texting me at eight in the morning. And I haven't quite worked out what I want to say to Killian, even though it's been running through my head all night.

  This isn't going to work.

  You made a mistake, let's move on. Just consult me before turning my kid into a boxer, okay?

  I'm bouncing back and forth between extremes, and I don’t know which way to go. So I'm delaying responding to the text I know must be from him, even though I'm going to see him in a few minutes and have to deal with it then anyway.

  When I arrive at the store, my heart stops. I can't even pull up to my regular parking space on Main Street. A bright blue van is parked outside of the bakery, and Killian stands on the sidewalk, his cellphone pressed against his year, yelling at someone.

  I think I'm going to be sick.

  What's that saying about bad things happening in threes? First Opal breaks her hip, then Chloe gets suspended. What the hell is going on at the bakery?

  I park on the other side of the street, get Chloe out of the car, and take her hand as we cross the road. "Killian!" Chloe yells, running up to him and he high-fives her before hanging up the phone.

  My heart is racing when I reach him and I don't know if I want to look inside the bakery.

  Don't tell me something happened with the bakery.