Killian: A West Bend Saints Romance Read online

  “Not physically, but I still worry about her. Of course, Chloe took it pretty much in stride. She told them we were spies.”

  “Clever kid.”

  “She is.” Lily is silent for a long time before she exhales heavily. “She’s really perceptive. Which is why…” She goes silent again. “Chloe… she hasn’t really had a father around. My… ex… he died before she was born, so it’s just been me and her and she hasn’t known any different.” She exhales again, the sound weighty. “If you’re here in the morning… I mean, I don’t want her to get the wrong idea, you know?”

  Her words hit me like a punch to the gut, even though they shouldn’t bother me at all. Holy shit. She’s kicking me out of her house.

  Hell, that’s never happened before. If I hook up with a chick, she’s the one who wants to stay and cuddle and talk about her feelings and I’m the one counting the minutes until she falls asleep and I can high-tail it the hell out of there. That makes me sound like a real asshole, but in my defense, the kinds of girls I’ve hooked up with haven’t been the kinds of girls who’d really have that much to talk about, either.

  “Right. Yeah. I…” I clear my throat, sitting up in bed. “I should get going anyway. It’s late.”

  I sound less casual than I want to sound.

  “Killian.”

  “Yeah?” My back is turned and I’m already pulling on my jeans. When I turn around, her expression is pained.

  “I’m – I told you, I don’t know what I’m doing. Or what we’re doing. And if you’re here when Chloe wakes up… well, she’s going to have questions that I don’t know how to answer.”

  “Nah. No worries. I totally get it.” I kiss Lily lightly on the lips before leaving.

  And I do. I totally get it. It’s not fair to climb into this woman’s bed the way I’m doing, with no idea what the hell is going on between us – and waltz into her kid’s life. I have a great life – one with no responsibilities, no accountability to anyone but myself. I like my fucking life – and Lily is smart enough to know that.

  She’s smart enough to know that she needs to keep her life and mine separated. There’s no reason to confuse Chloe.

  And why the hell wouldn’t I be happy to get laid, then go back to my cabin instead of cuddling and playing family man? I should be ecstatic.

  Except that when I make it back to the cabin at three-thirty in the morning, it feels unnaturally quiet after being at Lily’s place – and not the kind of quiet that I like, the kind that’s usually comforting. This quiet is the kind of quiet that just feels. . . empty.

  It’s the opposite of being at Lily’s, wearing a silver cape and makeup and playing the part of a magic dragon.

  That’s the last thought I have before I fall asleep.

  28

  Lily

  “I’m off of school today, Nana,” Chloe says loudly to the phone.

  My parents complain they don’t get enough video chatting time with her on the phone, which really means that we don’t call every single night before Chloe goes to bed.

  “You have a day off? Today isn’t a holiday.”

  “She doesn’t have a day off of school, mom,” I say loudly from the other side of the room. I pull open the refrigerator door and take out the carton of orange juice. “She’s sick. Sort of.”

  “I have a sore throat,” Chloe notifies her grandmother. “And I had the sniffles. But they’re gone now.”

  “I’m starting to think the day off school was a mistake,” I say over my shoulder as I fill a plastic cup with orange juice. I set it on the table in front of Chloe, standing behind her and peering into the phone at my mother’s image on the video feed. My mother is in her housecoat – not a bathrobe, but one of those oversized terrycloth dresses with a zipper up the middle and pink flamingos and hibiscuses printed on it. Her brown hair is still in rollers and she’s sipping from an oversized mug of coffee. “Where’s dad?”

  “He’s outside. He decided to replace the fence on the far side of the house.”

  “At six in the morning?”

  “You know your father.” She rolls her eyes as she sips her coffee. “He’s retired. He has to have a project.”

  “But a fence? Really? Does he even know how to build a fence anymore?”

  “Of course he does. Don’t be ridiculous. You do recall your childhood, right? Growing up on the farm? Your father didn’t forget how to put up a fence just because we wound up moving to the suburbs when you were in high school.”

  “I haven’t forgotten, mom. I’m just saying it’s been a while since he’s put up a fence.”

  She waves dismissively. “It’s like riding a bike. Shouldn’t you be at the bakery already? I don’t like you working so much, you know.”

  I laugh. “You don’t like me working so much, but you’re reminding me that I should be at work?”

  “Just because I don’t like it, doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t fulfill your responsibilities. What are you doing today, Chloe? Is Bethany babysitting you?”

  “I’m seven now, Nana.”

  I snort. “Seven years old is not grown up, Chloe. You still need a babysitter. And yes, Bethany will be here in fifteen minutes. And then I’ll be going to work, alright?”

  “You know, your father and I are only three hours away.”

  “You’re four hours away.”

  “Not the way your father drives.”

  Chloe cuts in. “Come play with me, Nana!”

  “Your father and I could be there by eleven,” she insists.

  “She’s sick, mom," I remind her. "You and dad don’t need to catch whatever virus she has.”

  “I feel fine!” Chloe yells.

  “If you feel fine, you should be going to school today.”

  “I don’t want to go to school!”

  “You’re staying with Bethany. That’s all there is to it. Nana and Pop-Pop are not driving down today. You’re going to go to their house for a whole week when school is over anyway.”

  Chloe faces the phone. “Will we have ice cream?”

  “Of course we’ll have ice cream,” my mother assures her. “And we’ll go to the playground – and the pool. Oh, and our neighbor has a little boy your age, Adrian, that you can play with.”

  Chloe groans. “I don’t want to play with a boy.”

  “Since when?” my mother asks. “You’re best friends with one of the boys in your class.”

  “He’s not my best friend.”

  “You said he was your boyfriend.”

  “He’s a friend who’s a boy. Like mommy’s boyfriend.”

  I clear my throat, hoping my mother missed the last part of what Chloe just said, the little rat. “All right, it’s almost time for Bethany to get here, Chloe. Eat your cereal. Mom, I have to finish getting dressed.”

  “Oh no, you don’t get to avoid this conversation. Who’s your boyfriend?”

  “I don’t have a boyfriend, mother. I’m not sixteen years old.”

  My mother snorts. “I’m all too aware that you’re not sixteen. And that you’ve not had a boyfriend in about as many years.”

  “Okay, this is not a conversation we’re going to have right now.”

  “Who’s mommy’s boyfriend, Chloe?”

  “No one, mother.”

  “He’s a boy friend,” Chloe says, emphasizing each word. “He let me do his makeup.”

  “Oh, really? His makeup, huh?”

  “Is that the doorbell?” I ask. “Tell Nana you’ll talk to her later, Chloe.”

  “Don’t worry – I’ll ask you about this friend later, Lily.”

  “Goodbye, mom.”

  I definitely don’t have a boyfriend. I may not even have a boy friend, either, the way the night ended with Killian. I didn’t want him here when Chloe woke up, sure, but I probably could have found a more eloquent way of putting it than the way I did. I need to read a dating book or something: Ten Easy Ways To Kick A Guy Out Of Your House After Sex So Your Kid Doesn’t See Hi