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Eric nodded. “Yeah. That makes sense. I like to provide pleasure. I like…I love, really love, being of service.”
“Your profession shows that.”
He looked surprised, then nodded. “I never thought of it that way.”
“You like to please your partner, yes?”
“Yes. Of course.”
“You like to provide for your partner, not only tangible items or services, but pleasure. Not only taking out the trash or doing the laundry. You like to give comfort. Security. Emotional support.” She said this in a low voice as she watched his expression for his reaction.
“Well…yeah. Of course. I mean, that’s what a good partner does,” Eric said.
Madeline nodded. “Sadly, there’s no ‘of course’ about it, Eric.”
“I know that.” He shook his head and gave her a sincere look. “I like to give up control. I like to be tied up so I don’t have to make any choices. It’s such a relief sometimes, you know?”
“I know,” she said.
His brow furrowed. “Do you?”
“Yes. I do,” Madeline said without further explanation.
“I love, love, fucking love, to make my partner come,” Eric continued when she stayed silent.
“And do you demand your own pleasure when you give hers?”
“No.”
“It’s enough for you to give her an orgasm even if you don’t have one?”
He paused, but said, “yes. I mean, I would say I prefer to have my own, too, but…yeah. If I get her off and I don’t, that’s okay sometimes.”
“So denial is not entirely a hard line for you.”
“No…yes…I mean…no.” He laughed. “I don’t like it as a thing. But I don’t mind being teased, so long as I know that eventually I’ll be able to finish.”
“Thank you for being so willing to talk about it,” she told him.
“And you? What do you like? What do you want and expect?”
She had to take another sip of wine before she could answer him. “First, what I require in a play partner is much the same as I would ask of a romantic partner, but of course, to a lesser extent. Honesty. Forthrightness. Willingness to allow me to take the lead, to serve me, to do as he is told, even if whatever I ask is perhaps not what he, himself desires. Discussion, so that we can be on the same page. Mutual respect and consideration for real life schedules and responsibilities. I would not, for example, demand you provide service in a way that would interfere with your job. Or your health.”
He didn’t say anything for a bit, as if digesting her words. Then, he nodded. “That all makes sense. And what would you ask of a romantic partner, to the greater extent?”
“I’m not looking for a romantic partner,” she told him firmly. “I feel I should make that clear, especially, based upon what you’ve told me about that first experience you had.”
“Okay,” he replied in a tone that said it wasn’t quite okay.
Madeline leaned far enough to lightly touch one of his knees before settling back into her rocker. “I like you very much. I think we are compatible. Do you?”
“Yes. To both. I like you, and I know we are compatible. You’ve tied me up, and it was…” He shrugged, seeming at a loss for words. She let him struggle for them. Finally, he said, “perfect.”
This compliment sent a shiver through her. She stopped rocking, even slightly. For a fleeting instant, a pang of pain throbbed in her heart.
Perfect.
She’d been perfect for someone once before, and it had ended badly for her. She’d moved past that, and if she had been unable to purge the memories, she no longer allowed them to control her. Looking at Eric’s sincere expression, Madeline forced a smile that took only a heartbeat or two to become genuine.
“Shall we spell it out, between us, then? What we want and how we’ll go about this?”
“Yeah, that would be amazing.” He coughed lightly into a fist. “I mean, you’re talking about umm…just…”
“An agreement between two consenting adults who enjoy similar kinks and would like to spend some time together.”
Was that a flash of disappointment? If so, he hid it quickly. She wanted him to be disappointed, and the realization was almost enough to change her mind about all this. Arrogance, she scolded herself inwardly. Ego. You want him to want you, but you don’t want him to want you more than you want him to want you. How’s that for complicated?
“Yeah,” Eric said. “All right.”
Nine
It was stupid of him to expect that Madeline was going to, what, offer him a collar or something right off the bat? Eric didn’t even want to wear a collar, never had. But he did want something more than casual play.
“Wait,” he said, although he’d given his assent just a few seconds ago.
Madeline didn’t look surprised. She nodded without saying anything. She sipped wine slowly, her eyes never leaving his face.
“We have a connection,” he said.
Her lips pursed. “I would agree with that. I wouldn’t be pursuing this if I didn’t think so.”
“Are we just talking about sex things, then?”
“I…well…” She cleared her throat and looked, for the first time, discomfited. “It’s not all sex, no. Is that all you want? The things that turn into sex, somehow? Because —”
“No,” he interrupted sharply and was rewarded with a flash in her gaze. He softened his tone. “Sorry. I mean, no, it’s not all I want. Honestly, I could just go to U4ia every week and find someone to play with if I just wanted to get off. There are lots of members who are into that.”
“Tell me, then, Eric, what you mean.”
Her voice, God, like honeyed whiskey, like butterscotch, sweet and smoky and decadent. His cock twitched. He thought about draining the rest of his glass of wine, but didn’t. He was already buzzed, and not from the alcohol.
“I really want to get to know you. See where this goes. No expectations —”
“Everyone,” she said, “has expectations.”
He stayed silent a moment, considering this. Honesty, he thought. If this was going to work at all, he needed to be honest with her.
“I like you. I think you’re beautiful. Interesting.”
“Thank you,” she cut in again, this time with a smile.
Eric smiled, too. “You can never know where something is going in the beginning. Right? I’m just asking that we keep an open mind. If you don’t want to put a label on this, I get it. But I would like to know that we’re exclusive. That we keep ourselves open to where this goes.”
“That sounds like a nice way for someone to get hurt,” Madeline said in a way that clearly showed she meant it would be him.
Hell, it would be worth the risk, wouldn’t it?
“I’ve been alone for a while, now,” he said. “I can honestly tell you I’ve never been in a relationship that gave me everything I wanted. Kink, affection, love and sex. I’ve had some of each, but never all of it at the same time.”
“You think this might become all of it?”
It was his turn not to say anything.
Madeline put her glass down once more. “I can promise to treat you, and this, with the utmost care and respect, Eric. Beyond that….”
“You can never know what anything will become,” he said.
You can never know what anything will become.
His words sliced at her, but Madeline refused to allow herself to flinch. His words had wounded her, but that wasn’t his fault. “You’re a very smart man, Eric Garcia.”
“Thanks.”
She stood, moving closer to him. He looked up at her, making no move to stand himself. He willingly kept himself below her, and she appreciated that right now. His honesty and vulnerability, too.
“I’m not sure I can give you what you want,” she told him gently. “Ultimately, I mean. I can be open to the possibilities of something more than friendship, but I’m not sure I can ever give it to you. I want to b