All the Lies We Tell Read online

  “I wouldn’t say that. Just that when I’m traveling, it’s too easy to fill up on junk food, and you get to craving it. Then a lot of times when I’m out in places where you can’t find it . . . I didn’t want to miss it, that’s all. Easier to just give it up.” He gave her a small smile.

  There’d been a lot of things like that in his life. Better to abandon than risk longing for them. He shrugged.

  Her laughter faded, her eyes still glistening with tears. “Easier to give up something so you don’t have to miss it? That’s pretty deep.”

  He hadn’t meant it to be, but he supposed it was, if you wanted to analyze it. He didn’t. He spent a lot of time trying to do the opposite of that sort of navel-gazing. It never did much good.

  “Ilya never mentioned she was sick,” he said, to turn the conversation. “If I’d known . . .”

  He trailed off, not sure what he’d meant to say. If he’d known—what? He wouldn’t have come home any sooner. He didn’t plan to stay long, either.

  Alicia shook her head and bit into the soft cake. She chewed solemnly, then tossed it into the nearby garbage can with a grimace. “Gross. Stuff like that always looks so good until you get it, but it’s never as good as it looks.”

  “Talk about being pretty deep,” Nikolai said.

  She didn’t answer, and he regarded her a moment. Sad eyes. Curved-down mouth. The last time he’d seen her had been a few months after she and Ilya divorced. Niko had run into her at the grocery store while on a brief visit home. Their exchange had been downright arctic. He hadn’t been home for more than a day or two since then, and he hadn’t seen her on any of those visits, not for years.

  It might as well have been seconds; that’s how different he felt when he looked at her.

  “Sorry,” Niko said quietly. “Trying to lighten the mood.”

  Allie’s frown didn’t smooth. “She wasn’t sick for long. I try to see her at least once a week, and last week she was still doing great. Up and about, moving around. She’d complained about being tired, but she’s ninety-three. That’s to be expected. The staff said she took a downturn early Tuesday morning.”

  The call hadn’t been a surprise, and he was grateful it hadn’t been someone telling him his grandmother had passed. He’d had time to see her again; at least there was that. He’d applied for leave from the kibbutz board and had been approved at once. Booking the flight to Newark International, making the trip, and figuring out a way to get from New Jersey to Quarrytown had been a little more complicated. He’d arrived exhausted and jet-lagged. He still hadn’t slept. He was sure he wouldn’t for another few hours.

  “I got here as soon as I could,” Niko said, although she hadn’t said a word about how long it had taken him.

  “I didn’t know they had your number. But it’s good they did,” Allie said with a pause that told him she knew as well as he did that she wouldn’t have called him. “It’s good for you to be here. Ilya’s happy about it, I’m sure.”

  Niko noticed very particularly that she hadn’t said she was happy he was there. It shouldn’t have mattered, but it bothered him more than he wanted to admit.

  He nodded. “Yeah. Me, too.”

  “I don’t want to go back in there,” she blurted, like a confession. She lifted her chin, meeting his gaze steadfastly. “I know I should, but I just . . . I can’t. I don’t want to see her like that. And I really don’t want to hold Ilya’s hand through this.”

  The last had been spoken with an undertone of biting venom that surprised him. He knew his brother’s faults as well as she did, although maybe no longer better. She’d been married to the guy, after all, while Niko had left home at age eighteen and had spent very little time there since.

  “He hasn’t been here to see her in a couple months,” Alicia continued, her voice low and bitter. “She asked about him all the time, but he was always too busy to show up. He had a million excuses, when the truth was he just didn’t want to see her failing. Now he’s in there moaning and mourning. He’s going to let everything else fall to the side while he does this, Nikolai. I know him. He’s going to focus entirely on himself, and I’m going to pick up the slack, and . . . I don’t want to do it anymore.”

  She cut herself off, her lips pressed together. She shrugged, shaking her head as though words had failed her. Then she tossed the soda bottle into the trash and crossed her arms over her belly, hands cupping the opposite elbows. She scuffed her shoe on the tile floor.

  “He can be kind of a dick,” Niko agreed.

  Alicia tilted her head to give him a sideways glance. “Yeah. Sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything about it. It’s not your problem.”

  “It’s not like we don’t all know it. Hell, Ilya would probably say the same thing about himself. I’m sorry he hasn’t been better to you, Allie. You deserve better. You always have.” Niko didn’t mean to pull her close again, but there she was in his arms.

  She felt good there.

  She felt . . . right.

  Nestled just beneath his chin, the soft fall of her strawberry-blonde hair against his cheek, Alicia sighed. One hand went flat to his chest, over his heart, which to Niko’s embarrassment had started beating faster. Thump thump thump—no hiding his reaction to the way she felt against him.

  She noticed. Of course she did. Alicia had always been the “smart” one of the two Harrison sisters, although Niko secretly had always thought she was just as pretty as Jennilynn. You couldn’t put much over on Alicia.

  He waited for her to pull away. Both of them would laugh a little nervously, not looking at each other. She’d make a caustic comment, or he’d try to joke, and they’d pretend there’d been no small but rising heat between them. She’d pull away and go back to ignoring him, and he would tell himself it was better that way.

  She didn’t pull away.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Then

  They were going to get caught; Alicia knew it.

  “Did you get the beer?” Alicia paced nervously, repeatedly tucking her straight reddish hair behind her ears. She clamped the tip of her tongue between her teeth to keep them from chattering with anxiety.

  Jennilynn tossed her blonde curls over her shoulders and gave Alicia a long, smug look. “Of course. I told you I would. A whole case.”

  “How did you get a whole case of beer?”

  A six-pack—that’s all they were supposed to get. Everyone was supposed to bring one. Alicia had also picked up some chips and dip, because you couldn’t have a party without snacks, right? And the boys from across the street weren’t going to think about it; maybe they’d grab some money from everyone later for a pizza or something, but they sure weren’t thinking about party snacks . . .

  “Allie!” Jennilynn snapped her fingers in front of Alicia’s face. “Chill. You’re making me nervous.”

  “How did you get a case of beer?” Alicia lowered her voice to a hissing whisper.

  Mom and Dad were still here, getting ready in their room down the hall. They were going away for the weekend, leaving Jennilynn in charge for the first time. At seventeen, she was supposed to be old enough to handle things. She was supposed to be trustworthy, and what was the very first thing she did? Throw a party.

  It’s going to end up bad for everyone, and there’s nothing I can do about it, because my sister is going to do whatever she wants. The way she always does. Jenni’s going to get us all in so much trouble.

  Jennilynn smiled. Mysterious and beautiful: that was Alicia’s older sister. Jennilynn shrugged, her bare shoulders lifting and falling. It was October, but still warm. Jennilynn wore a halter dress, her collarbones exposed, and in the hollow of her throat rested the heart-shaped pendant Alicia had asked for, but had not received, for Christmas.

  Two years apart in age, universes apart in coolness. It’s not fair. And she doesn’t even notice it.

  “I know a guy.” Jennilynn shrugged again as she looked in the mirror.

  Black flecks speckled the glass