All the Lies We Tell Read online

  “Touch me,” he muttered into her mouth, then against her cheek, her throat, as he slid his lips along her skin. He moved her hand slow, slow, curling her fingers over the bulge in the denim.

  He groaned aloud when she yanked open the button and slid the zipper down, notch by notch. She freed him, pushing at the waistband of his jeans and briefs until she could hold his bare flesh in her palm. She stroked him as their mouths found each other’s again.

  “I’ve been aching for you . . . couldn’t stop thinking about how you felt. How you sounded when you came . . .” Nikolai’s voice rasped, stuttering to silence when her grip circled the head of his cock.

  He was so hard it was like gripping iron. The angle was wrong. The position, awkward. She wanted him in her mouth, but she couldn’t force herself to stop kissing him, not when the taste of Nikolai’s mouth was so tantalizing. Her tongue slid along his, mimicking the stroking rhythm of her hand. He pulsed in her grip.

  It was her turn to slide her hand along the back of his neck. To grip him there, to hold him still while she nibbled at his lips and kept up the steady, demanding pace of her fingers gripping him. His fingers loosened on her wrist. His hips thrust forward, at least until she closed her fist tight around him, just below the head.

  “No,” Alicia whispered into his ear, then took his lobe between her teeth. “Don’t move.”

  She laughed breathlessly when he let out a muttered curse, but she didn’t relent. She pulled away enough to look at his face. He kept his eyes closed. His mouth, wet and open. His hands went flat against the filing cabinets, but he didn’t move. Not even when she slowed the stroking to what must have been an infuriatingly slow pace.

  Nikolai’s brow furrowed. A soft noise slipped out of him. Then another when she gave in to the desire streaking through her and moved her hand faster. Faster. Until finally, he tensed. Warmth coated her hand, but she kept her gaze focused on his face. Waiting for his eyes to open, for him to look at her when his pleasure overtook him.

  He did.

  Alicia waited another half minute before she stepped away from him and grabbed a couple of paper towels from the shelf next to her desk. They busied themselves with cleaning up, neither of them speaking. She had her back to him, waiting for him to leave. Because of course he would, right? And he’d probably take the doughnuts with him, too.

  Nikolai didn’t leave. He came up behind her and put his arms around her to draw her back against his chest. He nuzzled the back of her neck, and Alicia let herself melt into the embrace.

  “Alicia . . .”

  “I don’t want to talk about it, Nikolai.”

  “We have to talk about it.”

  She turned to face him. “Why? Why do we have to talk about it? This thing has been going on between us for a long time, and I guess it’s just something that we have to deal with. But please . . . let’s not talk about it if all you’re going to keep saying is that you can’t and don’t want to.”

  He let her step away from him. He’d buttoned his jeans, but the zipper was still down, and she took a certain satisfaction in that, and the way his hair was still rumpled. His mouth still plump and wet from her kisses.

  “You’re going to leave again, anyway,” she continued. “Right? In what, a month? You’re going back all the way to the other side of the world.”

  Something shifted in Nikolai’s gaze. After a second, he nodded. She shrugged.

  “You have a life there, isn’t that what you said? Anything that will take you away from this place.” She gestured at the office, but they both knew she meant more than just where they stood. “You’ll go. I’ll stay. That’s how it works. And nobody has to know this ever happened.”

  “We’ll know it.” He put his hands on his hips, brow furrowed. Frowning. He looked pissed.

  She smiled, then. “Yes. We will.”

  He returned her smile, and she wanted to curse herself for letting it warm her. Nikolai sighed. He tossed the paper towels in the trash and smoothed his shirt.

  “It’s just a thing,” Alicia said, as though saying it aloud would make it feel true.

  He nodded. “Yeah. Just a thing.”

  “Nobody ever has to know about it,” she whispered as he moved closer.

  He kissed her. “Nope.”

  “Just until you leave again.”

  “Sure,” he said. Then, after a second or so, he crushed her against him to bury his face against the side of her neck. He squeezed her.

  The embrace felt a little desperate, but she understood that. Wasn’t that always how she felt about him? He released her abruptly, and they both stepped away from each other.

  “Your zipper’s down,” Alicia told him.

  With a rueful chuckle, Nikolai zipped himself and watched her as she went to the desk to pull out a couple of doughnuts from the bag. She handed him a powdered sugar and took an apple fritter for herself. Alicia settled into her desk chair and waved at him to take a seat across from her.

  “How are the home repairs going?”

  “The list keeps getting longer. She started this nightly dinner thing, too, where she cooks for us and wants to sit around and talk about our days.” Nikolai paused. “Maybe losing her mother has her contemplating the meaning of life or something? Or maybe she’s just being manipulative. With her, you can’t tell.”

  Nikolai bit into the doughnut and looked around the office until he spotted the single-serve coffeemaker. Without asking, he got up to help himself, using the pitcher of water she kept there for that reason. “Want one?”

  “Yeah, thanks.” She watched him for a second before continuing. “I didn’t think she’d really stay.”

  “She shows no signs of leaving. She plans to live there for the rest of her life, I think.”

  “With Ilya.”

  Nikolai chuckled. “Yes.

  “No wonder he’s been such a pain in the ass lately.”

  “Yep.” Nikolai glanced at her over his shoulder as the machine hissed and spit a dark brew. “I heard them arguing. She threw out the fact it’s still her house again, so she has the right to stay in it as long as she wants to. Unless he wants to buy it from her, which you and I both know he probably can’t do.”

  Alicia frowned, thinking of the business debt still hanging over their heads. Her parents had paid off their mortgage before retiring early. After her divorce, they’d given her a good deal on buying the house from them, something she’d always appreciated, especially considering the money they’d already given her.

  “He was paying the mortgage on it and has been since she left. I mean, that was the huge thing. You left,” she paused, remembering how sudden and horrible it had been to find out that Nikolai had gone away without saying good-bye. Alicia cleared her throat, continuing, “The next thing we know, Galina’s off to South Carolina, leaving everything behind. If he hadn’t started making the payments, the bank would’ve taken it.”

  “Yeah. Well. Apparently Galina’s name is still on the house, not his.” Nikolai brought two mugs of coffee to the desk and handed her one. His mouth twisted for a second. “Even if he was the one handling the payments, his name isn’t on the paperwork.”

  She’d been stupid. Married to Ilya for ten or so years, and this was a surprise. They’d divorced as swiftly and amicably as they could, splitting their ownership of the business to the original percentages of when they’d bought it, and taking only the assets they’d each brought to the marriage. They’d never fought about anything material. Still, it seemed like something she ought to have known.

  “The mortgage on that house was the one thing Ilya always made sure to take care of. I figured he’d bought it from her the way my parents had sold theirs to me. He never mentioned anything about her name still being on it. And, honestly, he hasn’t mentioned anything about her asking him for money or anything else for a long time. I thought she’d stopped.”

  Nikolai blew on the coffee. “Maybe she’s changed.”

  Alicia laughed. Hard and