Hold Me Close Read online

  “Not to me,” Effie said.

  Bill pulled her against him, and she let him, though she didn’t soften into his embrace. This time he caressed her hair instead of yanking it. Effie preferred the pain to his feeble attempt at comfort.

  “It’s all going to be okay,” Bill said.

  Effie closed her eyes and breathed in the scent of his skin. She turned her face a little, let her mouth press his bare chest, but she didn’t kiss him. After a minute, his hand moved from the back of her head to the small of her back, and she took that moment to step away.

  Clear-eyed, she gave him a neutral smile. “Thanks.”

  Bill looked as if he was going to say something, but instead he gave a low, long sigh and nodded. “You know I wouldn’t let anything happen to you.”

  As if he could prevent the world from turning. Could she be angry with him for breaking a promise she knew was impossible to keep? Irrationally, yes, but she wouldn’t show it. She gave him another faint smile and, at the front door, stopped to blow him a kiss.

  “Shit,” Bill said miserably. “Effie.”

  She answered him with the closing of the door behind her.

  * * *

  There it was. Effie had spilled all of it. The entire story of her abduction, the years in the basement, the reason for the clocks in her paintings. The paintings themselves. Her love for Heath, and the reasons for that, too.

  Mitchell had listened, frowning at first, then sitting back with a look of stunned disgust he made no attempt at hiding. When she finished and took a long, deep breath, Mitchell didn’t say anything. Effie gulped ice water, glad she’d asked him to meet her here in a public place where she could hope to count on his good manners not to make a scene.

  She hadn’t thought he would. Stupidly, Effie had thought good-guy Mitchell would tell her how understanding he was of her problems because he had a sister who was fucked up, because his brother had died, because... Just because. Now, looking at his curled lip, Effie could clearly see how wrong she’d been.

  In a way, it was a relief.

  Mitchell was who he was, as Effie was who she was, and here they were. He’d fucked her once, he’d slept in her house and eaten off her plates and used her toothpaste, and all she could think of was that even though she’d spent almost an hour spilling her guts to him, how much there was still to learn about her that Mitchell did not know.

  How weary she was of trying to hide it.

  How little she wanted to explain any of it.

  “If you want to know more details, you can look them up on the internet,” she said finally. “They’re not hard to find.”

  “I think I’ve heard enough,” Mitchell said. “Shit. And you say he’s out now?”

  Effie nodded. “Yes.”

  “Living in the same house? The one where he kept you guys?”

  “Yes,” she repeated.

  “Shit,” Mitchell repeated under his breath. “That is really, really messed up.”

  “He made parole. His children had kept the house. I looked it up online.” Maybe she should reach for his hand, Effie thought, but she didn’t move. “I went past the house. I saw a light. He’s living there.”

  “You went past the house?” Mitchell frowned. “That’s a little creepy. Damn, Effie, it’s kind of creepy that you live so close to it to begin with.”

  “I’ve lived close to it my entire life,” she said in a low voice. “I bought my house because it was close to my mom.”

  She could tell her explanation hadn’t made it sound less weird to him.

  “I didn’t knock on his door,” Effie said. “I just walked past it.”

  He studied her. “Maybe you should.”

  “That’s... No.” Effie shook her head. “Wow. No.”

  “You obviously have a lot of unresolved issues about all of this stuff.” Mitchell rubbed at the back of his neck and gave Effie a narrow-eyed glance she couldn’t read. “You should’ve told me this before.”

  Effie snorted softly. “Sure, riiiiight. That’s how to start off a date. Tell me, Mitchell, what would you have done if I’d laid it all out for you the first time we went out? If I’d introduced myself, shook your hand, ordered dinner and then regaled you with the reasons why I can’t bring myself to eat like a normal person, what would you have done?”

  “I wouldn’t have asked you out again,” Mitchell told her flatly and crossed his arms.

  Effie sat back in the diner booth. “I see. Because I have some fucked-up stuff in my past? It makes me too damaged.”

  “No. Because I was up front with you, Effie. I was looking for something long-term. You told me that you were, too. And I thought you were maybe playing a bit of a game with me, but I figured, give it time. See what happens. There are a lot of people on that site, and it’s still really hard to find someone you connect with. I thought maybe we did. Or could.”

  She furrowed her brow. “I was looking for something serious. I am. I know it took me a while to open up to you, Mitchell, but it’s because I want to make something of this. I...like you.”

  Mitchell shook his head. “Like.”

  “Yes. I like you,” Effie said firmly. “Isn’t that a good place to start?”

  “It would’ve been, before.”

  “And not now?” Her fingers curled into fists below the edge of the table, and she put them in her lap.

  “I don’t know, Effie. It’s a lot to deal with. And Heath. You’re in love with him. You didn’t have to tell me,” Mitchell cut her off when she tried to reply. “I could see it all over both of you that day I came to the house. Maybe you should’ve told me all of this that night.”

  Effie nodded. “Yes. Maybe I should have. But I didn’t lie to you. I told you it was over between me and Heath, in that way. And it is.”

  Mitchell’s laugh barked out of him. Snide. He shook his head again. “I’m not that stupid. You told me that night he was in your life and always would be.”

  “For Polly’s sake,” Effie began but stopped at the look on his face. “Mitchell...”

  He put up both his hands and pushed the air as though he wanted to push her away. “No. It’s fine. I get it. You love who you love. There’s no way to get around it. I just...well, I’m not the guy who’s going to take second place for the rest of your life, that’s all. And it’s pretty clear that second place is all I’d ever be. Unless you can tell me you’ll never see him again.”

  It was actually a promise that seemed more likely to be possible than it ever had, but the fact that Mitchell had asked her to make it only set Effie’s jaw. “I won’t promise that. He’s important to my kid, and to me.”

  “So, if I asked you to choose between me and him, you’d choose him?”

  “It’s not a choice I should have to make,” Effie said stiffly. “You and I, we’re barely starting out.”

  “No, Effie. You and I, we’re over.” Mitchell sighed. “I’m sorry. But I really want to find someone I can trust.”

  That stung, and she recoiled. “Okay.”

  Mitchell stood, picking up the check. “I’ll get this.”

  “You don’t have to.”

  “Yes, I do. And listen, Effie...” Mitchell paused. Effie looked at him. He sighed, and his expression softened. “You’re a great girl. Just not the right girl.”

  “Wow. Thanks.”

  He sighed again. “I’m not the right guy for you, either. I’m sorry.”

  Effie pulled her coffee mug closer. She hadn’t taken even a sip. It was cold now. She stared steadily up at Mitchell, then smiled. “No. Don’t be. You’re right. You were up front from the start about what you were looking for, and I really thought I could make it work. I wanted to. I hope you believe me.”

  “I do.” Mitchell looked thoughtful. “You know what, I