Lovely Wild Read online

  They’d given her other toys to replace the dirty, battered butterfly that no longer lit up. A doll with blond hair and a soft dress, a stuffed duck, a stack of blocks. Mari had kept none of them. There was very little in her life she’d ever kept for sentiment, though those same parenting magazines that had warned her about the trials of potty training had also shown her it might be important to tuck away keepsakes for the sake of her children, even if she herself felt no special connection to a blanket or a doll. She had a box for each child in her closet at home, and she did try to put things away in it she thought they might like someday.

  Suddenly, though, this book in her hands is more than a collection of words and pictures. This book is a tangible, memorable bit of her past that isn’t like the pages of notes someone else took about her, or even the videotapes she doesn’t remember being recorded.

  Like her memory of the stuffed and glow-faced butterfly, she remembers this book.

  And she remembers the boy who tried as best he could to save her.

  “Andrew,” she says aloud just to test it. She looks through the windows to the grass outside. There’s no more sign of any footprints, but she remembers those, too.

  FORTY-SIX

  “I WANT TO go home, Dad.” Kendra made sure her grandmother wasn’t around to hear this. As much as Grandma annoyed her, Kendra didn’t want to hurt her feelings. After the T-shirt incident, Grandma had bought both Kendra and Ethan a shitload of junk, and sure it was nice being given things, but...that was just stuff. Shirts and CDs and bottles of nail polish are just things. They’re not her mom.

  “I know.” Her dad hunched over his computer. He’d been typing for an hour on that book.

  “Dad!”

  He stopped with a sigh and twisted in his chair. “What, Kendra? Can’t you see I’m working?”

  “When are we going home?”

  “In a few days. You’re visiting your grandma now. Enjoy it.”

  “You don’t,” she said.

  That got his attention. “That’s a shitty thing to say.”

  “I’m sorry, Dad, but it’s true. And I don’t want to stay here while you go back to Philly. Neither does Ethan.” Kendra assumed that was true, anyway—the monkeybrat hadn’t exactly said so. “Can’t you take us with you?”

  “And do what with you? I have to go back for...” Her dad paused, which meant he was thinking of a way to lie to her. “Work. And you guys can’t go back to our house because someone’s in it, and you can’t stay by yourselves in a hotel room, either. You’re staying here with Grandma. That’s the way it is.”

  Kendra groaned and scuffed at the carpet. “I don’t want to stay here.”

  “I thought you liked visiting your grandmother.”

  Kendra shrugged. “For a day or two, sure. But she’s really annoying.”

  Her dad sighed. “You just have to understand, honey. That’s the way your grandma is. She loves you and Ethan.”

  “Why does she hate Mom so much?” That was the real question that had been bubbling to the tip of Kendra’s tongue. Like a burp or puke, it could no longer be held back. “I don’t get it.”

  “I don’t want to talk about it,” her dad said in that “this is final” tone, but Kendra was tired of that answer.

  “Is it because Mom was born in that bathroom at the Red Rabbit?”

  He winced. “Who told you that?”

  “I was there when the dumb b...rat told everyone who was in there.” Kendra scowled and went to the window overlooking Grandma’s backyard. Her dad had never lived in this house as a kid, so there was no swing set, no basketball hoop. Just an expanse of green grass perfectly trimmed by the man Grandma hired to come every week.

  “Your mom wasn’t born in a bathroom. Her mother had another child after your mom was born. That’s actually why her mother was hospitalized and why she never...” Her dad stopped again. He looked pained. “Look, Kiki, this is something we should talk about with your mom, okay? And I promise, we’ll tell you the story when I get back here from Philly and we go back to Pine Grove. But it’s not really for me to tell you.”

  “Is that why Grandma hates her, though?”

  Her dad shook his head. At least he wasn’t trying to deny his mom hated his wife. “No. Grandma thinks your grandpa was wrong to adopt your mom, that’s all.”

  “Well...why did he?”

  “Because she didn’t have anyone else to take care of her.” Her dad looked at his computer screen, which dimmed and then went to the screensaver. He looked back at her. “And then when I fell in love with your mom, Grandma didn’t like that, either.”

  “But it’s not like you were really brother and sister.” Kendra’s nose squinched up at saying this, and her heart stepped up its beat. It was gross and seemed private to talk about this with her dad, but she couldn’t stand not knowing anymore. The entire summer had been crazy.

  “No. Not at all. But you know how people are. It’s why we don’t tell most people how we met, right?”

  She knew that without even being lectured. Not that her mom and dad had ever told her and Ethan to lie about how they’d met or anything, but after the first time a naive Kendra had told her teacher that her mom and dad had the same father, she’d learned her lesson.

  “I was already grown and out of the house when your mom came to live with my dad. But your grandma didn’t like the idea of it. And listen, honey, it’s really easy for your grandma to blame my dad for everything, but I can tell you that marriages don’t end over one issue. The reality is that my parents fought a lot. Grandma can be...difficult. And I guess my dad had his problems, too.” He sighed again. “But he was doing what he thought was right. Besides, if he hadn’t, I’d never have met your mom and fallen in love with her, right? And wouldn’t have had you guys.”

  “What happened to her?” Kendra asked then.

  “To Grandma? She divorced my dad.”

  “No. To Mom. When she was young. What happened to her in that house that you guys don’t talk about?”

  “I told you, Kendra, I don’t want to talk about it without your mom here. It’s for her to tell you, if she wants to.”

  Kendra’s frown tightened, hurting. She crossed her arms over her stomach. “Can we go back with Mom, then? If we can’t go with you to Philly. Can you take us back to Pine Grove?”

  Her dad sighed and looked sad. “Me and your mom have been having sort of a fight.”

  Everything inside her started to tumble and twist. Kendra bit down on her lower lip, hard, to keep back tears. Her voice shook, though. “Are you going to get divorced?”

  “No!” Her dad’s voice softened. “No. Remember when I said that marriages don’t end over just one thing? Most issues can be worked out. Your mom and I are going to work out those issues. I promise you. Okay? It’s all going to be all right.”

  Kendra nodded solemnly.

  “But right now, you need to leave me alone so I can get some work done.” Her dad turned back to the computer and tapped a key so the screen lit.

  Kendra knew better than to listen at doors and read over someone’s shoulder, but she couldn’t help seeing, could she? If it was right there. Her mom’s name in black and white. She didn’t say anything, just backed out of the room and went into her own to throw herself on the bed and bury her face in the too-flat pillow.

  She still had too many questions. None of this was okay. And she didn’t believe her dad when he said it would all work out.

  Most of all...what was her dad writing about her mom?

  FORTY-SEVEN

  FOR THE SECOND time in as many days, Mari climbs the mountain. It’s easier in the daytime. Shorter trip, too. The trees still close in around her and the birds still titter, but in the sunlight it’s easier to see how close the clearing really is to her house.

  Of course, not being naked probably helps, too.

  She shades her eyes when she comes out into the sun. The small house doesn’t look any bigger than it did in the dark, but it�