Tangled Up Read online

  Love, I thought silently. I can’t do love. Not when it was one-sided. Not when all the feelings were mine.

  ‘This. Us. It’s going to make our working relationship awkward. People are already noticing and talking about us.’

  ‘Let them talk.’

  ‘It isn’t a good idea to sleep with the boss.’

  ‘I’m the boss and it seems like a good idea to me.’

  Whatever I said, he countered, pressing closer and closer to the truth, but I’d learned my lesson. This time around, my feelings were my problem, not his. I wasn’t going to dump them all over him again, as I had the first time.

  ‘Well, I’m the employee and it’s awkward for me. This has been fun, but it was a one-time thing. Just the weekend. From tomorrow we’re back to being how we were.’

  ‘And how were we?’

  ‘Colleagues. I don’t want to be intimate.’ But I realized that we’d never been anything but intimate, and with that admission came the unpalatable realization that I was probably going to have to leave my job because I was never, ever going to feel normal around this man. I wasn’t capable of feeling indifferent. ‘Just colleagues.’

  He gave me a long steady look. ‘Are you sure that’s what you want?’

  ‘I’m sure.’ I made for the door before he could see through the lies. Last time I’d smothered him in my feelings. This time I was going to spare him that. ‘I’ll see you at work tomorrow.’

  * * *

  I limped through the next few weeks, pretending I was fine. Every minute was torture. I gritted my teeth and counted down the hours until the weekend, when I didn’t have to see him.

  Three weeks after I’d done the ‘let’s be colleagues’ speech, I was lying in bed with the duvet over my head pretending to be asleep when I heard my sister open the door.

  Hayley wasn’t fooled. We’d shared a room growing up, so she always knew when I was asleep and when I was faking.

  I felt the bed dip as she sat down.

  ‘I have coffee, an untouched packet of chocolate biscuits or a glass of wine. You pick.’

  I didn’t answer. I hoped she’d go away, but of course, this was my sister, so there was no hope of that. Instead the duvet was tugged from my fingers and she wriggled into the bed and snuggled under the covers with me.

  ‘Do you want to talk about it?’

  I would have thought the duvet over my head would have answered that question, but Hayley wasn’t easy to deflect. ‘I’m fine.’

  ‘Right. Because not eating, sleeping or laughing is totally you, as is spending an entire Saturday in bed.’

  I wanted to say something flippant but my throat was clogged with misery. I hadn’t allowed myself to cry, but suddenly I was crying and my sister was holding me and she was muttering ‘Shh’ and ‘I’m going to kill the bastard’ as she stroked my hair.

  ‘Not his fault. My fault for loving the wrong man.’ I choked out the words but it didn’t stop her listing all the dire methods of torture she had in mind for Hunter Black.

  ‘You’re crazy about him. You always have been.’

  And suddenly I was telling her everything. How it had been at work, about that weekend, all of it. ‘When I’m with him, I can be myself. I never feel as if I’m being judged. He likes me the way I am. He doesn’t want me to join a book group or learn to bake cupcakes. He doesn’t care that I have a flat chest or that I like practising my kicks while we’re talking.’ I scrubbed my face with my hand and sat upright. My head throbbed from crying. ‘And he makes me laugh.’

  My sister looked at my swollen face and raised her eyebrows. ‘You’re not laughing now.’

  ‘That’s not his fault.’

  ‘Have you told him how you feel?’

  ‘After last time?’ I grabbed a tissue and blew my nose. ‘No way.’

  ‘Maybe he feels the same way you do.’

  ‘No. For him it was just about fun and sex. That’s how I wanted it to be, too!’ I shredded the tissue. ‘I’m going to have to leave my job.’

  ‘You love working there!’

  ‘Not anymore. It’s too hard. Too awkward and I don’t want to embarrass him a second time. I’m going to look for something else. And I know that makes me pathetic, but—’

  ‘It doesn’t make you pathetic.’ Her phone beeped to indicate a text but she ignored it. ‘You need to leave this bed and come out with us tonight.’

  I managed a smile. ‘Just because I can’t get my own sex life sorted out, doesn’t mean I want to ruin yours. Go. Nico is texting you.’ I gave her a push. ‘Go and have fun. You can borrow my shoes if you like. I don’t need them.’

  I couldn’t imagine ever wanting to go out again.

  She slid out of the bed and paused in the doorway. ‘I still think you should tell Hunter how you feel.’

  ‘This time around, it’s my problem. I’ll handle it.’

  But handling it drained me.

  Every time I saw him approaching, I dived for cover and I stayed later and later to avoid leaving at the same time as him, but he left late, too, because he was the boss.

  I stopped going to staff nights out, then decided not going made it look as if I was avoiding him, so I went and pretended to have fun on the dance floor. I concentrated so hard on ‘having fun’ I almost sprained my ankle.

  Proving I was fine was exhausting. My smile muscles were getting a more rigorous workout than my abs or my thighs.

  And then finally I heard I had an interview at a fitness club closer to home.

  I should have been thrilled. Provided I didn’t mess up the interview, this nightmare would be over. And then I realized taking this job would mean I wouldn’t see Hunter again. He really would be out of my life.

  And that was the biggest nightmare of all.

  ‘What are you doing for your birthday, Rosie?’ Caroline stuffed her bag into the locker and pulled out her water bottle.

  ‘I’m having a quiet night.’ I was going to hide under the duvet and hope that when I woke up a year older, I’d be cured of the way I was feeling.

  But my sister was having none of it.

  ‘You are not spending another Saturday night in bed watching TV. That’s not happening. I’ve planned you a surprise party.’

  ‘I really don’t—’

  ‘Shut up and get dressed in something warm. Wear that gorgeous coat you bought last winter. The short, sexy black one that makes you look like a Russian princess.’ She was checking her phone. ‘We need to go. Cab’s outside.’

  For my sister’s sake I washed my hair and dragged on my clothes. The black coat was a perfect contrast to my white face. I felt like crap and I looked like crap. I knew I needed to snap out of it. I was no fun to be with. And it was no one’s fault but my own. I’d played with fire. I’d been burned. Again.

  Hayley bundled me into the cab and handed the driver our destination on a piece of paper so I couldn’t see.

  ‘Don’t you think you’re taking this a bit far? I’ve lived in London all my life. I’ll know where we’re going.’

  ‘No, you won’t.’ She pulled a scarf out of her bag and tied it around my eyes while I protested.

  ‘Oh for…’ I thought it was overkill. ‘You’ll smudge my makeup.’

  ‘I want it to be a surprise.’

  ‘The surprise is going to be me looking as if I’m dressed for Halloween. Who is coming, anyway?’

  ‘Our friends.’ It was a suspiciously vague answer and I was starting to feel exhausted when she tugged off the scarf.

  ‘We’re here.’

  And in spite of everything, I smiled, because we were right next to the London Eye, my favourite place.

  ‘You booked a night flight? That’s perfect.’ I could see our friends gathered waiting and I felt a warmth spread through me. It was the closest I’d come to feeling happy since I’d broken it off with Hunter.

  I still had my sister. I still had friends. I’d got over him before. I’d get over him again.

  I co