Tangled Up Read online

  From then on Hayley had taken over. Usually she talked a friend into holding it at their house so there was less chance of parental embarrassment. And most of our friends’ parents felt so sorry for us they were happy to co-operate. We were ‘those poor Miller sisters.’ We were talked about in hushed voices with much pursing of lips and barely concealed sympathy. We were fed extra cakes and sugary treats as if an excess of chocolate frosting and blocked arteries might somehow compensate for the fact we were emotionally starved.

  They felt sorry for us, but in some ways we felt lucky.

  We had each other and we shared a bond none of our friends had with their siblings.

  In fact, it was my parents who were responsible for me taking up karate. When they finally decided to part, they were determined to split everything evenly down the middle. Mum got the bed, so Dad took the sofa. She had the cat; he took the dog. It worked so neatly they decided to do the same with the kids. She was going to have Hayley and I was going with Dad. We didn’t much care which parent we lived with but there was no way they were splitting us up. I won’t bore you with the details but let’s just say they didn’t try that again.

  But I’d taken up karate just in case.

  I looked at my sister. My family. ‘What I really want for my birthday is a decent sex life.’

  ‘Oh no!’ She pretended to look alarmed. ‘That means I’ll have to cancel those cake decorating classes I booked for you.’

  ‘You’re not funny.’ But I was laughing because the idea of my sister booking me cake decorating classes was hilarious. Not that I’m a bad cook, but you won’t find me twirling cute patterns on the tops of cupcakes.

  She closed the pizza box. ‘Think of all those lovely comforting carbs you’d bring home every week. And you wouldn’t want to eat them, which would mean all the more for me.’

  ‘And then I’d make you work them off in the gym. You were about to tell me what my problem is.’ I executed a perfect roundhouse kick, which probably would have looked scary had I not been wearing my cute bunny pyjamas. I missed my sister’s head by the width of a pizza crust but she’d lived with me for too long to bother ducking. ‘What’s my problem?’

  ‘Apart from your congenital need to kick me in the head from time to time? Hunter was your first lover. You built him up into this godlike figure and you’ve compared every man to him ever since.’

  ‘That’s not true.’

  ‘It is. The two of you were really close. When he walked away from you, he tore you in two and you never even had a chance to yell at him, because he was gone. It’s hardly surprising you’re still churned up inside. You have so much unfinished business. And you haven’t allowed any of us to mention his name for the past five years. In your head he’s still the perfect man.’

  That got my attention. ‘He is so not the perfect man. That isn’t why I hate talking about him.’

  ‘I know. You’re embarrassed because you think you were needy, but part of that was because you’re romantic. You always were.’

  I thought about what had just happened in the changing rooms.

  I could have described it in many different ways, but the word romantic wouldn’t have been anywhere in the description.

  ‘You shouldn’t feel bad about it.’ My sister’s voice was soft. ‘Mum and Dad were behaving like idiots, but Hunter was always there. It’s not surprising you latched on to him.’

  ‘Please don’t remind me.’

  ‘That’s all in the past. Answer me one question.’ Hayley pushed the empty pizza box away with her foot. ‘Who is the best sex you ever had?’

  ‘My vibrator.’ I said it flippantly but she carried on looking at me as only my sister can and I sighed. ‘Hunter.’

  ‘Right. You had amazing sex with him and you haven’t had amazing sex since.’

  I chewed my lip. I decided not to admit that tonight had been pretty amazing. ‘And?’

  ‘And you should have sex with him again. This time you’ve shaken off all the emotional baggage. It would be fun and you’d save a fortune on batteries.’

  ‘No way. He’s my boss.’ Just thinking about working with him every day made me want to order another pizza. Ten inches—and yes, I’m still talking about the pizza—with extra cheese. And I’m not generally big on comfort eating. ‘I wouldn’t have sex with my boss.’ Except that I already had, sort of.

  Crap.

  I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to use the changing rooms again.

  Facing him on Monday was going to be a nightmare.

  ‘I’m not doing this again. Not with Hunter.’

  ‘Why not? You’re not in love with him anymore. This time around, you can have the fun without any of the Romeo-and-Juliet drama. This time it’s all on your terms. All the sex with none of the heartbreak.’

  ‘I am not going to have sex with him.’ I told myself what had happened in the changing room didn’t count. ‘No way.’ Hayley picked up the empty pizza box and stood up. ‘Fine. Carry on dating guys like Brian, who isn’t even strong enough to lift the cupcake he wants you to bake.’

  ‘I don’t judge guys by the size of their biceps.’

  ‘Neither do I.’

  ‘Just because you’re having sex with an Italian stallion who has a brain and biceps, there is no need to be smug.’

  ‘Do I look smug?’ She smiled smugly. ‘Take control. You’re older. Wiser. You are working with a hot, sexy guy. It’s a shame to waste him.’

  ‘I’m not interested and neither is he.’

  ‘You think not?’ Her smile widened. ‘For two people who aren’t interested you generate a lot of electricity when you’re in the same room. The two of you could solve the energy crisis with one touch.’

  ‘I’m prepared to recycle and do my bit to conserve fossil fuels, but I’m not having sex with Hunter.’

  5

  I TRIED TO ignore him, really I did. I ignored him so hard I walked into walls while trying not to look at him.

  I took my classes. I trained. I attended meetings and managed to look focused and professional, which was more than could be said of the rest of the female staff, who spent their time with their noses pressed to the glass windows of whichever space he happened to be working in.

  Hunter managed focused and professional, too.

  But that’s the funny thing about intense sexual attraction. You can try and ignore it, but it’s still there. You can feel it on your skin. It simmers in the air, wraps itself around you, seeps into your brain and makes concentration difficult. I knew without turning my head when he was in the room, and not just because I couldn’t get any sense out of my female clients.

  And he seemed to be avoiding me, too.

  Neither of us mentioned what had happened in the changing room that night.

  Our interaction was all business. At least, on the outside.

  A week after he’d arrived to take control, he pulled us all into the meeting room on the top floor of the building and told us his plans for the business. He talked about his vision. Unfortunately, he did it while wearing a karate suit and everyone else’s vision was focused on his broad, muscular chest rather than his presentation. I kept my eyes on the floor but it didn’t help. I kept remembering how it had felt with his mouth on mine and his fingers deep inside me. That sort of intimacy isn’t easy to forget.

  I shifted in my chair and caught his eye.

  Shit.

  I was glad I wasn’t the one giving the presentation. I would have been stammering and distracted but Hunter didn’t falter.

  With the benefit of five years apart and some distance, I could see now why I’d been overwhelmed by him. Dazzled. I didn’t feel like quite so much of a fool for falling for him. He was impressive. Self-assured, confident, self-reliant. All the things I hadn’t been as a teenager. He’d been around at a time of my life when I’d been at my most vulnerable. It was as if something in me had been looking to supplement what was missing, to borrow what I didn’t have myself.

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