Black Wings Read online

  It took only a few minutes to renew her library card and get it updated with new privileges. She found a spot in a computer carrel and settled in, first pulling up the parent portal and trying once more to log in with the credentials they’d sent home. Again, she got bumped out with an error. She tried another browser, frustrated. She requested a change of password and answered the security questions to reset it.

  Next, Marian pulled up a new browser window and typed in a search for the local Merchandiser paper. They often listed part-time and work-from-home jobs. Most of them were scams, but there might be something in there.

  “Marian?”

  She’d just been closing out of the computer, and at the sound of her name, turned. The blonde woman with a toddler on her hip did not at first look familiar, but after a blink or two, Marian knew her. “Jody! Omigod!”

  “I thought that was you! It’s been forever! What have you been up to?”

  A discreet cough and a glare from the librarian had both women in giggles, a throwback to their middle school days. They moved to the library’s foyer. It had been a couple years since they last ran into each other, but they caught up quickly.

  “We should get together,” Jody said decisively. “I mean, it’s ridiculous, we both still live in town, and it’s been ages. I’ve just been so busy being a mother.… I mean, I love my kids but damn, I just want to pee by myself once in a while. Angie and I have been trying to get a girls’ night out going regularly for the past year or so, but it’s so hard to schedule. Everyone’s got stuff going on.”

  “Right,” Marian agreed, although the truth was that she rarely had any stuff going on. Dean working nights was part of the reason for that, but what other excuse did she have, beyond having a basically solitary nature? “I was just thinking the other day about how I should try to get in touch with some people I haven’t seen in a long time.”

  Jody nodded firmly and shifted her small daughter to her other hip. “It’s done.”

  * * *

  “Are you sure you’re going to be all right?” Marian set Briella’s backpack on the floor by the front door. The girl had insisted on bringing it so she could share her projects with her grandfather.

  Marian’s father nodded and smiled, an arm around Briella’s shoulders. “Of course we will. Won’t we, dolly?”

  Briella grinned, leaning into him. “Yep.”

  “Okay. Bean, don’t wear him out. Dad, I’m only going to be out for a few hours. But text me right away if you need me to come home earlier.”

  Tomorrow, Parkhaven had something called a planned V day. The V was for virtual, a day when the kids stayed home and worked on their assignments via their school-provided laptops so the teachers could meet about grades. This had worked out great, because it meant that Marian wouldn’t have to get up early to make sure Briella got the van on time. This didn’t mean she planned to be out late enough for it to matter.

  “Was a time when you’d argue with me about staying out as late as you could.” Her father laughed and looked down at Briella fondly. “We’ll all be just fine.”

  Marian hesitated, something familiar in her dad’s words that she couldn’t put her finger on. “Bean, be good.”

  “Oh, she’ll be good,” Marian’s father said. “She’s a good girl in her heart.”

  Marian was still pondering this conversation when she pulled into the parking lot of the Blue Hen, a local pub that had been around forever. She and Dean used to hang out there when they first started dating. The place had changed a lot since then. New menu, craft beers, a big deck out back, that sort of thing.

  She spotted Jody and Angie right away and waved. They’d grabbed a table for six toward the back. Both already had drinks as Marian slid into a chair.

  “Hey!” Marian said and laughed as the server appeared at once with a drinks menu. “Wow. Okay.”

  “Dive right in,” Angie offered.

  Jody nodded. “God, I need this.”

  Three other friends from high school showed up in another few minutes. Marian had bumped into Rasheda, Denise and Jenn a few times over the years, and as with Jody and Angie, they all fell into laughter and reminiscing.

  “I haven’t been out like this in forever. My husband works nights and most weekends,” Marian said, three-quarters of her cocktail finished. It had warmed her inside. Buzzed in her head.

  “Wish mine did,” Jenn said with a sour grimace.

  The conversation turned to husbands, children. Good-natured complaining, for the most part, although Marian sensed a deeper dissatisfaction in Jenn. They ordered appetizers. Another round of drinks. Marian hadn’t felt this light-hearted in a long, long time.

  She lifted her glass. “I’m so glad we did this!”

  The sentiment was echoed around the table. Marian checked the time and for any messages from her father, but her phone remained silent. When she made to leave, the protests from the other women convinced her to stay just a little longer.

  “I’m not ready to go home yet,” said Jenn. “Is it terrible for me to admit that I love my kids, but they’re making me crazy?”

  Silence for a moment or so as they all looked at each other.

  “If it makes you terrible then I’m even worse. I actually found myself thinking last week that I was sorry I’d ever had my third.” Jody hiccuped and tossed back the rest of her drink, then gave the rest of the table a guilty look.

  Marian sat up straight. “I’ve been avoiding friends and getting a job and basically keeping myself alienated from everyone but my husband because I don’t want to have to tell anyone that I am afraid of my kid. Not afraid of my kid. Afraid for her. No, no, that’s not right. I’m…afraid that I’m messing her up. That the reason she struggles is because of something I did wrong.”

  She was buzzed, she realized as everyone at the table stared at her with wide eyes. She would have to drink some water. It was a good thing she’d told Dad she was going to be a little later – she’d need to let this fade before she could drive back to his house.

  “Sorry,” Marian said. “Liquor loosens lips, I guess.”

  “I think we all worry about that. Being the reason our kids are fucked up. I mean, my mom’s the reason I’m fucked up,” Angie said, but with a laugh and a shake of her head that made it clear she wasn’t completely serious.

  Relieved, Marian let the conversation turn away from her own internal mess. More drinks arrived. She was glad she’d come out tonight. Glad she’d said what she did, not only for the support but because admitting it aloud had been like ripping off a bandage covering an old wound that wouldn’t heal.

  “I can’t,” she said when the server arrived to ask if they wanted another round. “I really have to be able to drive home soon.”

  “Take a Ryde,” Angie urged her when she said this. “I had my hubs drop me off, but I plan on calling for a car to get home. You can leave your car here and pick it up in the morning.”

  “I’m a little old to be getting too hammered to drive on a Thursday night,” Marian protested with the suspicion it was already too late.

  Rasheda shook her head. “Bite your tongue!”

  “I’m ordering you another drink if the waitress comes back before you do,” Jenn said.

  Marian made it to the bathroom, laughing to herself and weaving only a little. It wasn’t until she was heading back to the table that she spotted Tommy leaning on the bar. He’d shaved and had a haircut. He cleaned up nice, she thought begrudgingly, hoping he didn’t see her.

  Of course, he did. “Fancy meeting you here.”

  “I’m having a girls’ night out,” Marian said with as much dignity as she could, considering she was having trouble not giggling.

  “You’re drunk.”

  “I’m buzzed,” she said, lifting a finger to admonish him.

  “Buzzed and out with the girls. What d