Always on My Mind Read online

  She desperately searched her reflection for the woman he saw. “I don’t see me that way,” she whispered, throat tight.

  “Why not?”

  It was a most excellent question, one for which she did not have an answer.

  “When do you leave exactly, Leah?”

  “I don’t—I don’t know exactly.”

  “You always know.”

  Touché. “Soon,” she admitted.

  He turned her to face him. “How soon? Truth, Leah.”

  “Truth?” She forced the words out. “I should have left already.”

  “Why haven’t you?”

  “You know why.”

  He shook his head. “Don’t. Don’t say you stayed here for me.”

  She bit her tongue rather than say exactly that. And then she gave him the truth he wanted. “I’d planned to go before the finals.”

  “Were you going to tell me?”

  She wanted to turn away from the look in his eyes. The recriminations. The hurt. But she couldn’t tear her eyes from his. “I’m going because I need to. I want to finish school. I want to finish something to prove to myself that I can. I was going to tell you, yes, but I didn’t know how,” she managed.

  He gave one curt nod and reached for the door.

  She ran after him and slipped between him and the wood, arms spread as if she could really stop him if he chose to leave.

  He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Move, Leah.”

  “No.”

  “Listen,” he said, a grim set to his mouth. “New rule.”

  “Jack—”

  “No big, drawn-out good-bye.” At the look on her face, he let out a long breath. “All my life, you’ve been my Almost.” He softened slightly, his gaze touching over the features of her face as if memorizing her. “I want you, Leah. I’ve always wanted you. But wanting isn’t enough. You have to fight for it too, and you’re not going to.”

  “Jack—”

  “I’m cutting my losses on this one, Leah. Pulling the plug. Call it another rule if you want. No more intimacy. I’m ending this now before either of us gets hurt.”

  And then he gently set her aside, walked out the door, and was gone.

  She stood there in shock. “How is walking away fighting for it?” she asked the night.

  The night didn’t answer.

  “Dammit.” She searched for her usual state of denial, for her temper, for anything that might allow her to rationalize what had just happened as not being her own fault.

  Nothing came except pain.

  And guilt.

  And more pain.

  There was no way around this. However it had happened, it had happened. And worse, for the first time in her life she hadn’t been the one to walk away. Jack had beaten her to the punch.

  Chapter 24

  Jack left the bakery, hitting the highway at one in the morning at speeds designed purely for adrenaline. He got halfway up to Beaut Point before he saw the red-and-blue lights whirling in his rearview mirror. “Shit.”

  The cop turned out to be Sheriff Sawyer Thompson. Sawyer had been about five years ahead of Jack in school, but Sawyer’s wildness was still legendary. How the guy had ended up on the right side of the law was a mystery to Jack, but one thing about Sawyer—he didn’t sugarcoat anything.

  “Christ, Harper, I clocked you at ninety-five.” The sheriff leaned in past Jack to pat Kevin on the head. “The paperwork’s going to piss me off.”

  “So don’t do it.”

  Looking disgusted, Sawyer went hands on hips. “I’m only out here tonight as second-string because the flu’s hit the station. I didn’t hear a fire call go out.”

  “There isn’t a fire.” Except the one in his gut. “You could pretend you didn’t see me.”

  “Or you could slow the fuck down.” A full moon was just peeking over the inky black silhouette of the Olympic peaks in front of them, and Sawyer gestured to it. “See what happens when you slow down? You get to enjoy shit.”

  They both watched the moon. Kevin went back to sleep.

  “Yeah, that’s real pretty,” Jack said after a minute or two. “We going to make out now?”

  “Temperamental,” Sawyer noted. “And pissy too. You know what temperamental and pissy plus a lead-foot equals? Sorry-ass dumped.”

  Jack slid farther down in his seat.

  “Got it in one,” Sawyer said. Clearly enjoying himself now, he leaned against the truck like he had all night. “I haven’t been keeping up with your social calendar, Harper. Who dumped ya? That cute flight nurse? Or the teacher? Oh wait. I know. The cutie pastry chef who moons over you when you’re not looking.”

  “Maybe I was the one who left.”

  Sawyer nodded. “Good. Go with that. That bitchy ’tude works. So…who was it?”

  Jack sighed.

  “Aw, come on. You know how quiet it’s been tonight? I’m bored. Tell me, and maybe I won’t ticket you.”

  “Just give me the fucking ticket.”

  Sawyer grinned. “It’s the pastry chef. Right?” He pulled out his ticket pad and started writing.

  “Hey. You said you wouldn’t give me a ticket.”

  “I said maybe…”

  Twenty minutes later, Jack was in possession of a speeding ticket to go along with his stupid broken heart. He pulled into his driveway, waited for Kevin to do his business, and then headed straight to the fridge for a beer.

  He was on his second when Ben came in the back door. Without a word, he took the third and last beer in the fridge and tossed it back. Setting the empty down on the counter, he swiped his mouth and looked at Jack. “What are we drinking to?”

  “Women. They suck.”

  The smallest of smiles appeared on Ben’s mouth. “If they’re very bad they do. Or very good…”

  “Why are you here?” Jack asked. “It’s two in the morning.”

  Ben shrugged. “You seem like maybe someone kicked your puppy.”

  From his huge bed in the corner of the kitchen, Kevin lifted his big head. “Woof.”

  Jack craned his neck and stared at Ben. “You’re not that good. How did you hear?”

  “Maybe I am that good.”

  “No you’re not.”

  Ben flashed a rare smile. “Okay, I’m not. Sawyer told his wife, Chloe, that he wrote you up, and Chloe happened to be at the Love Shack with her sisters, one of whom is friends with one of the ER nurses. Mallory. She’s married to Ty Garrison, who’s on flight care with…wait for it…Danica. It’s all on Facebook,” he explained.

  Jack just stared at him. “It’s like a bad sitcom.”

  “Except it’s your life.” Ben’s amusement faded. “You okay?”

  “Is that concern or gruesome curiosity?”

  “Definitely the latter.”

  Jack swore and moved toward the door, but Ben shoulder-checked him. “Okay, Jesus. It’s concern. Put your vagina away.”

  “Fuck you.”

  “We’re related, so that’s illegal in most states.” Ben put his hand on Jack’s chest when Jack started to push past him. “So it’s true then? You and Leah? You’re done?”

  “We were never not done.”

  “Bullshit,” Ben said. “Admit that much at least. It was never a pretend game, and we both know it. What the hell happened?”

  “She took a job with that asshole producer.”

  “Rafe Vogel,” Ben said, and at Jack’s narrowed-eyed look, shrugged his shoulders. “So I like trash TV; sue me.”

  “She’s going back to school in France, and it’s being filmed for a new show,” Jack said.

  “Nice gig.”

  He gave Ben a long look.

  “And…I’m missing something,” Ben said. He thought for a moment. “When did she take it?”

  “Shortly after telling my mom that we were dating.”

  Ben let out a low whistle. “And you think she’s running.”

  “Again. She’s running again.”

  “Maybe she d