THE BACHELOR'S BED Read online

  Her eyes smoldered.

  He knew his did, too. "But I think you also know that what's happening to us is more than sex. Much more."

  "And it's not what you wanted," she concluded, searching his face carefully.

  "I never wanted such a connection, no," he admitted.

  "I made you mad last night." Lani reached for one of his hands. "I was putting things in your house without asking, and now you don't want me anymore."

  No. God, no. "I was mad at me last night, because when I walked in and saw what you were doing, and how right it all seemed, I panicked. I've been very busy, Lani, trying to avoid you and what you make me feel. My temper's frayed. All control is gone, flat gone." He studied her hand in his and sighed. "My project isn't getting done because I can't concentrate on work. That's never happened before. And when I look into your eyes, I see the terrifying truth."

  "What truth?"

  He grimaced, stood and walked the length of the hospital room before turning back to her.

  Everything about her in the big white room seemed so vulnerable. Her pale features. Her narrow shoulders. Those expressive eyes.

  "Colin, what truth?"

  "I accused you of forgetting this was all pretend. But the truth is, it's me that keeps forgetting." He turned and stared grimly out the window.

  Behind him, on the bed, Lani remained silent. "I'm sorry, I'm so damn sorry you got hurt," he said. "I sat there by you all night crucifying myself because it's my fault, but I can't go on like this. It has to be pretend between us, Lani. That's all it can be."

  "You sat by me the entire night?"

  He turned and saw the stunned surprise on her pale face. "Did you think I would leave you here alone?" But he saw that's exactly what she thought. He swore softly. "That's not very flattering."

  "But it's just pretend between us." She repeated his words, slightly mocking. "What else would I think?"

  "I care for you," he said carefully. "More than I want to. I've always been honest with you."

  "Yes," she agreed, rubbing her head. "You're right. You've been honest. Don't worry, Colin, I don't blame you. There's no reason for all that guilt I see on your face."

  "You're free to leave here," he said quietly, coming close. "But you need rest and to be taken care of. Will you let me bring you home?"

  "Are you worried I'll renege on our deal?"

  "No," he lied.

  Lani let out a little laugh, which made her wince. She tossed back her covers and stood shakily, pushing his hand away when he tried to help steady her. "I'm fine, I don't need taking care of. Just a little headache, that's all." Her eyes were unusually cool, even as she weaved a bit on her feet. "And yes, I'll come with you. I gave you my word, remember?"

  He remembered. And hated himself for it.

  * * *

  "How long are you going to be mad at me?" Colin asked.

  Lani was sprawled in his bed. He couldn't help but notice she was wearing a T-shirt, his T-shirt, and she looked so damn good he had to stay at the door so that he could be sure to control himself.

  She didn't answer him.

  Her face was pale. Her eyes were lined with delicate purple shadows. His heart hurt just looking at her. "Lani?"

  She leaned back against his pillows, her face inscrutable. "I'm going to be mad for a while. Probably." She looked away. "Well, for at least a few more minutes."

  "Isn't there anything I can do to change that?"

  "Sure." She met his gaze again, her eyes daring him. "Tell me about the ex-wife you still love."

  "Lani."

  "That's what I thought. Too chicken."

  How was he supposed to tell her that he wasn't nursing that kind of pain, but a deeper one, the betrayal and loss of his best friend? It humiliated him, shamed him. "I'd rather talk about that fascinating book." He gestured to the erotica sitting on his nightstand. It was open, and when he moved closer he saw the chapter she'd been reading was titled, "Pleasure Him Every Night and You'll Never Regret It. Here's How."

  "Did you finish that chapter?" he asked, his voice thick.

  "Maybe." Her lips quirked, and in that moment, he saw a flicker of the warm, loving Lani he'd come to care for so much.

  Unable to stop himself, he smiled at her. "That looks good, that almost-smile on your face. I missed that."

  "Oh, Colin." She melted, all ice gone. "You drive me crazy, but I miss you."

  "I'm right here."

  "That's not what I meant."

  He knew what she meant, and he was helpless against the pull of the promise in her voice. But there was lingering hurt there, too, hurt he'd put there.

  She was willing to listen to his past. His hurts. And suddenly, he wanted to tell her everything. "I don't still love my ex-wife. And I'm not pining away for her, either. It's not what you think."

  "Then tell me."

  "It was a long time ago. I thought we were happy, even though I knew she'd married me for my money—"

  "Oh, Colin."

  "It's true, and it's okay," he told her, hating the pity, knowing there'd be more before he was through. "I wanted her, too. She was beautiful and elegant and everything I thought I'd need. We were young, just out of school." He lifted a shoulder. "I worked a lot, and she hated that. She needed attention, lots of it, and I didn't give it. I couldn't—the truth is, I didn't see what the problem was. So, out of boredom, she struck up a friendship with my partner, my best friend, Max. She started off trying to convince him to have me work less. She ended up convincing him to—" Unable to stand still, he walked the length of his bedroom to stare out the picture window. "You know, I've never said any of this out loud. I've never been able to tell anyone."

  "You can tell me," said Lani quietly from the bed. "You can tell me anything."

  "I know." He drew in a deep breath and concentrated on the garden beyond his window. "She seduced Max, stole all my money and left town. Six months later I received divorce papers in the mail."

  "How long ago was this?" she asked gently.

  "Five years. I guess you could say I've not let a lot of people close to me since then."

  "I think that's a fair assessment."

  There was so much compassion in her voice he couldn't look at her. "I still blame her for Max," he said roughly. "We'd been friends all my life." He tried to be distant and tough, willing Lani to understand, to somehow help him resist her. "I promised myself I'd never get involved again. Ever. And I meant it."

  "You're blaming the wrong person," she said quietly.

  "I'm not blaming you."

  "I meant yourself. It wasn't your fault. And it wasn't all hers, either. Your friend betrayed you, too, not just your wife. You were hit twice, hard, and I don't blame you for remaining hurt all this time. But Colin, not all women are so weak. Not all of us will betray their vows, and break the law while they're at it."

  He shook his head. "I don't blame all women. That would be silly."

  "Very," Lani agreed. "But I just realized, I haven't been as patient as I could be. I'll try harder, and maybe you will, too." Scooting to one side of the bed, she lifted his own covers, wordlessly inviting him in. "We're in a situation neither of us are easy with, but I think we can still salvage something and make the most of it, don't you?"

  His heart was suddenly in his throat.

  "Won't you hold me?" she asked. "Hold me as we've both wanted for too long now?"

  He was there, doing exactly that, with no recollection of kicking off his shoes and diving into the bed.

  With a slow touch, she smoothed his hair back and ran her fingers over his face. She cupped his jaw, studying him.

  "What do you see?"

  "You." She smiled. "There's not much of the successful inventor here right now." She looked pleased at that, and laughed when he frowned. "Don't get me wrong," she assured him. "I like that man. But this one—" her thumb slid over his lower lip and his entire body tightened in response "—this man is so much more. He's warm and loving and incredibly h