Strange Bedpersons Read online

  DINNER WITH THE PATTERSONS was not amusing.

  Tess had never liked The Levee. She wasn’t sure whether it was because all the waiters looked like Donny Osmond and acted like Prince Philip, or if it was because the decor was faux mint marble and real peach linen, or if it was because the menu read like a bad Martha Stewart special.

  However, all of that paled beside the company she was keeping.

  Kent Patterson was well built and graying, a man of distinction who knew he was a man of distinction. Several people genuflected when he walked into the restaurant and not all of them were waiters. The head-waiter called him by name. He returned the favor. The headwaiter swooned.

  Melisande Patterson was not well built. She was skeletal and dry, like scorched paper, tanned to the point of leather, lifted and tucked until she looked like a mummy with platinum hair. Her suit was Chanel, and all she was missing was a Just Say No To Everything button. She surveyed Tess through her lashes and then looked away, as if the sight was too painful to bear.

  “Get me out of here,” Tess said under her breath, but Nick pressed her forward.

  “Kent, Melisande,” he said. “I’d like you to meet Tess Newhart. Tess, this is Kent and Melisande Patterson. The Pattersons have been like parents to me.”

  “It’s been our pleasure, son,” Kent said heartily. He took Tess’s hand. “So here’s the little woman we’ve been hearing about.”

  “I’m five nine,” Tess said, and Nick kicked her on the ankle.

  “How amusing,” Melisande said, obviously not amused, and before Tess could retort, Park joined them with his date and they all sat down.

  Corinne, of course, not Gina.

  Tess drew a breath before she spoke to him, and it sounded like a hiss.

  “Park!” Nick said hastily. “Great to see you. You’re looking lovely, Corinne.”

  “Corinne always looks lovely,” Kent said. “Always has.” He beamed at her and patted her hand, and Corinne smiled wanly back, too reserved for emotion. “I remember when you were just a little slip of a thing, going to Miss Windesham’s with Park. Couldn’t have been more than five or six.” Kent fawned over her paternally. “Always wanted a daughter just like you. Of course it’s not too late to have a granddaughter just like you, is it, Park?”

  “No,” Park said miserably.

  “But there’s no need to rush into anything, either, is there, Park?” Melisande said evenly.

  “No,” Park said, even more miserably.

  Corinne seemed oblivious to the byplay but Tess was appalled. She turned questioning eyes on Nick, but he just shrugged. Evidently this was business as usual for the Pattersons. If Park hadn’t been such a son of a bitch, she’d have felt sorry for him.

  “Corinne went to Radcliffe,” Melisande said to Tess, turning her fire to a new opponent now that Park was cowed. “We’re both alumnae. Where did you matriculate, Miss Newhart?”

  Tess fought back the impulse to ask incredulously, “Somebody gave you a degree?” and smiled, instead. “Ohio State,” she said. “Liberal arts major.”

  “Oh, a state school.” Melisande smiled archly and then looked at Nick, raising her eyebrows at him.

  “Yes, a state school,” Tess said. “That’s why they call it Ohio State, instead of Ohio Overpriced and Pretentious.” She moved her ankle before Nick could find it with his foot.

  Melisande blinked, and then Nick said, “Tess is a teacher. She’s thinking about joining the Decker Academy.”

  “Teacher?” Corinne blinked at Tess. “You’re a teacher?”

  “Yes,” Tess said gently, having nothing against Corinne except the fact that she existed. “What do you do?”

  “Do?” Corinne repeated, confused, and Tess let it drop. The sad fact was that Corinne was perfect for Park. Neither one of them had ever had a coherent thought in their lives. And there was Kent, campaigning for incoherent grandchildren. It would be interesting to see who was going to win, Melisande or Kent. Whoever it was, it wasn’t going to be Park, and Tess felt a stab of sympathy for him. He was a rat, but he was a trapped rat.

  Poor Gina.

  “So you work for a living,” Melisande said. “How amusing.”

  Tess opened her mouth to say something rude and then glanced at Nick. He sat beside her, his face resigned to having his career skewered, and she suddenly felt guilty. It wouldn’t kill her to behave, to help him out. He’d not only helped her out, he’d saved Gina, the other tenants and Angela. Stop being such a pain, she told herself. Then she turned to Melisande and smiled. “Yes. It’s very amusing. Almost like volunteer work. Do you volunteer, Mrs. Patterson?”

  “Why, yes.” Melisande blinked in surprise and then happily went into a lengthy discussion of the tribulations of organizing the annual Opera Guild open house. Tess nodded appreciatively at appropriate moments, and then, as the waiter brought the first course, Nick leaned forward.

  “Thank you,” he whispered in her ear, and she shuddered with pleasure at the warmth of his breath.

  “You deserve this,” she said. “Thank you. For Gina’s job and Angela and everything.”

  “My pleasure,” he whispered back, and then he turned his wholehearted fawning attention to Melisande.

  Oh, hell, Tess thought, and then she, too, smiled back at Park’s mother.

  It was only for one night. What could it hurt?

  BY FRIDAY of the following week, Nick was feeling fairly confident. Tess had adapted amazingly well to his social life, he loved coming home to her at night, and Welch was giving every indication he was ready to sign the contract. Tess still wanted to kill Park, and Park knew it— her palpable animosity toward him every time he showed up with Corinne was making him a nervous wreck—but she was managing not to physically harm him. For Tess, that was a major move toward maturity. Nick had even managed to talk her out of telling Gina about Corinne. At the rate he was going, Tess would be civilized in no time.

  Nick was pleased.

  Of course, not everything was perfect. They’d been out every night for the past week— including two dinners with Norbert Welch— not getting home until after midnight, and while Nick was making social points and solidifying his career with an amazing amount of help from the reserved, newly well-dressed Tess, he was also too tired to make love. The good news was so was Tess —the strain of being calm and polite night after night took its toll— but somehow, that wasn’t a comfort. Nick was grateful for her transformation into a dutiful wife-type person, but he was beginning to feel he might have lost something important.

  And tonight, the one night they didn’t have a dinner date, they were stuck touring an old house for the benefit of the Opera Guild. All he really wanted to do was stay home and have Tess rub his neck, but the Opera Guild open house was important to Melisande Patterson, so they had to go.

  Then Tess was late getting home from tutoring at the Foundation, which infuriated him. She changed into a black mini and a white shirt topped with a black vest. It wasn’t until he helped her out of the car at the showcase house that he realized the vest was one of his Armani suit vests. He was fairly sure the shirt was his, too.

  “You look very nice,” he said tightly. “Feel free to wear anything in my closet.”

  “I do,” Tess said. “Look, are you going to be mad at me for long? Because you knew I had to tutor, and I even left early to get to this stupid house thing so—”

  “Don’t start,” Nick said grimly, and steered her to the door.

  “Mr. Jamieson, how nice!” The starched matron at the door held out her hand graciously. “We were beginning to think you wouldn’t make it.”

  “I wouldn’t miss it, Mrs. Tate,” Nick said. “I’d like you to meet a friend of mine, Tess Newhart. Tess, Mrs. Tate practically runs the Opera Guild single-handedly.”

  “Oh, nonsense.” Mrs. Tate waved her hand and blushed and melted into a perfectly nice woman charmed by a perfectly nice man. Nick heard Tess sigh and looked over to see her smiling at him, acknowledgi