Vet in Harness Read online

two thirds full of neat whisky. I couldn't say anything because I had

  taken the plunge and put the onion in my mouth; and as I bit boldly into

  it the fumes rolled in a volatile wave into my nasal passages, making me

  splutter. I took a gulp at the whisky and looked up at Granville with

  watering eyes.

  He was holding out the onion bowl again and when I declined he regarded

  it for a moment with hurt in his eyes. "It's funny you don't like them,

  I always thought Zoe did them marvellously.'

  "Oh you're wrong, Granville, they're delicious. I just haven't finished

  this one.'

  He didn't reply but continued to look at the bowl with gentle sorrow. I

  realised there was nothing else for it; I took another onion.

  Immensely gratified, Granville hurried through to the kitchen again.

  This time when he came back he bore a tray with an enormous cold roast,

  a loaf of bread, butter and mustard.

  "I think a beef sandwich would go down rather nicely, Jim,' he murmured,

  as he stropped his carving knife on a steel. Then he noticed my glass of

  whisky still half full.

  "C'mon, c'mon, c'mon!' he said with some asperity. "You're not touching

  your drink.' He watched me benevolently as I drained the glass then he

  refilled it to its old level. "That's better. And have another onion.'

  I stretched my legs out and rested my head on the back of the chair in

  an attempt to ease my internal turmoil. My stomach was a lake of

  volcanic lava bubbling and popping fiercely in its crater with each

  additional piece of onion, every sip of whisky setting up a fresh

  violent reaction. Watching Granville at work, a great wave of nausea

  swept over me. He was sawing busily at the roast, carving off slices

  which looked to be an inch thick, slapping mustard on them and enclosing

  them in the bread. He hummed with contentment as the pile grew. Every

  now and then he had another onion.

  "Now then, laddie,' he cried at length, putting a heaped plate at my

  elbow. "Get yourself round that lot.' He took his own supply and

  collapsed with a sigh into another chair.

  He took a gargantuan bite and spoke as he chewed. "You know, Jim, this

  is something I enjoy - a nice little snack. Zoe always leaves me plenty

  to go at when she pops out.' He engulfed a further few inches of

  sandwich. "And I'll tell you something, though I say it myself, these

  are bloody good, don't you think so?'

  "Yes indeed.' Squaring my shoulders I bit, swallowed and held my breath

  as another unwanted foreign body slid down to the ferment below.

  Just then I heard the front door open.

  "Ah, that'll be Zoe,' Granville said, and was about to rise when a

  disgracefully fat Staffordshire Bull Terrier burst into the room,

  waddled across the carpet and leapt into his lap.

  "Phoebles, my dear, come to daddykins!' he shouted. "Have you had nice

  walkies with mummy?'

  The Staffordshire was closely followed by a Yorkshire Terrier which was

  also enthusiastically greeted by Granville.

  Yoo-hoo, Victoria, Yoo-hoo!'

  The Yorkie, an obvious smiler, did not jump up but contented herself

  with Sitting at her master's feet, baring her teeth ingratiatingly every

  few seconds.

  I smiled through my pain. Another myth exploded; the one about these ~

  t~6 `~1 I JU/ 16~3

  specialist small animal vets not being fond of dogs themselves. The big

  man crooned over the two little animals. The fact that he called Phoebe

  "Phoebles' was symptomatic.

  I heard light footsteps in the hall and looked up expectantly. I had

  Granville's wife taped neatly in my mind; domesticated, devoted, homely;

  many of these dynamic types had wives like that, willing slaves content

  to lurk in the background. I waited confidently for the entrance of a

  plain little hauserau.

  When the door opened I almost let my vast sandwich fall. Zoe Bennett was

  a glowing warm beauty who would make any man alive stop for another

  look. A lot of soft brown hair, large grey-green friendly eyes, a tweed

  suit sitting sweetly on a slim but not too slim figure; and something

  else, a wholesomeness, an inner light which made me wish suddenly that I

  was a better man or at least that I looked better than I did.

  In an instant I was acutely conscious of the fact that my shoes were

  dirty, that my old jacket and corduroy trousers were out of place here.

  I hadn't troubled to change but had rushed straight out in my working

  clothes, and they were different from Granville's because I couldn't go

  round the farms in a suit like his.

  "My love, my love!' he carolled joyously as his wife bent over and

  kissed him fondly. "Let me introduce Jim Herriot from Darrowby.'

  The beautiful eyes turned on me.

  "How d'you do, Mr Herriot!' She looked as pleased to see me as her

  husband had done and again I had the desperate wish that I was more

  presentable; that my hair was combed, that I didn't have this mounting

  conviction that I was going to explode into a thousand pieces at any

  moment.

  "I'm going to have a cup of tea, Mr Herriot. Would you like one?'

  "No-no, no no, thank you very much but no, no, not at the moment.' I

  backed away slightly.

  "Ah well, I see you've got one of Granville's little sandwiches.' She

  giggled and went to get her tea.

  When she came back she handed a parcel to her husband. "I've been

  shopping today, darling. Picked up some of those shirts you like so

  much.'

  "My sweet! how kind of you!' He began to tear at the brown paper like a

  schoolboy and produced three elegant shirts in cellophane covers.

  "They're marvelous, my pet, you spoil me.' He looked Up? at me. "Jim!

  These are the most wonderful shirts, you must have one.' He flicked a

  shining package across the room on to my lap.

  I looked down at it in amazement. "No, really I can't .. .'

  "Of course you can. You keep it.'

  "But Granville, not a shirt .. . it's too .. .'

  "It's a very good shirt.' He was beginning to look hurt again.

  I subsided.

  They were both so kind. Zoe sat right by me with her tea cup, chatting

  pleasantly, while Granville beamed at me from his chair as he finished

  the last of the sandwiches and started again on the onions.

  The proximity of the attractive woman was agreeable but embarrassing. My

  corduroys in the warmth of the room had begun to give off the

  unmistakable bouquet of the farmyard where they spent most of their

  time. And though it was one of my favourite scents there was no doubt it

  didn't go with these elegant surroundings.

  And worse still, I had started a series of internal rumblings and

  musical tinklings which resounded only too audibly during every lull in

  the conversation. The only other time I have heard such sounds was in a

  cow with an advanced case of displacement of the abomasum. My companions

  delicately feign:,]

  ~L deafness even when I produced a shameful, explosive belch which made

  the little fat dog start up in alarm, but when another of these mighty

  borborygmi escaped me and almost made the windows rattle I thought it