Vet in Harness Read online

  Helen was very nice about it.

  "Jim,' she said one day when I was proudly showing her a model of a

  fully rigged sailing ship in a bottle which I had been lucky enough to

  pick up, 'it's lovely, but I don't think we need it right now.'

  I must have been a big disappointment to the poor girl and also to the

  local auctioneers who ran the sales. These gentlemen, when they saw me

  hovering around the back of the crowd would cheer up visibly. They, in

  common with most country folk, thought all vets were rich and that I

  would be bidding for some of the more expensive items. When a nice baby

  grand piano came up they would look over the heads at me with an

  expectant smile and their disappointment was evident when I finally went

  away with a cracked-faced barometer or a glove stretcher.

  A sense of my failure began.to seep through to me and when I had to take

  a sample through to the Leeds laboratory I saw a chance to atone.

  "Helen,' I said, 'there's a huge saleroom right in the city centre.

  I'll take an hour off and go in there. I'm bound to see something we

  need.'

  "Oh good!' my wife replied. "That's a great idea! There'll be lots to

  choose from there. You haven't had much chance to find anything at those

  country sales.' Helen was always kind.

  After my visit to the Leeds lab I asked the way,to the salerooms.

  "Leave your car here,' one of the locals advised me. "You'll never park

  in the main street and you can get a tram right to the door.'

  I was glad I listened to him because when I arrived the traffic was

  surging both ways in a nonstop stream. The saleroom was at the top of an

  extraordinarily long fli~ht of smooth stone steps leading right to the

  top of the building. When I err slightly out of breath, I thought

  immediately I had come to the right r'

  enclosure strewn with furniture, cookers, gramophones, carpets could

  possibly want in a house. O> ~und fascinated for quite a long time then

  my attention centred ~S ~ books quite near to where the auctioneer was

  selling. I lifted ,v ~ ~ ~e Geography of the World. I had never seen

  such beautiful 0,~,
  and gold lettering. ~- ~O~A ~, '0~ ~ "Ndn with gold and the paper was of

  a delightfully smooth A . >
  at the handsome ~n a drum a~ ~, ~o,;;, ~ ~res each with its covering

  transparent sheet. They Soon I began to-~ ~ ~ ~ubt, and when I looked at

  the front I saw they the ship foundered I l~ ~ =", ~re things of beauty.

  my feet on the floor and s~ ~ - ~a hand here because I had just

  reluctantly I hardly noticed as, after an ~ ~r's voice.

  r ~` `1` ``ull`~, "r~

  "Now then, here's a lovely set of books. The Ceography of the World in

  Twenty Four Volumes. Just look at them. You don't find books like them

  today. Who'll give me a bid?'

  I agreed with him. They were unique. But they must be worth pounds. I

  looked round the company but nobody said a word.

  "Come on, ladies and gentlemen, surely somebody wants this wonderful

  addition to their library. Now what do I hear?'

  Again the silence then a seedy looking man in a soiled mackintosh spoke

  up.

  tarf a crown,' he said morosely.

  I looked around expecting a burst of laughter at this sally, but nobody

  was amused. In fact the auctioneer didn't seem surprised.

  "I have a half a crown bid.' He glanced about him and raised his hammer.

  With a thudding of the heart I realised he was going to sell.

  I heard my own voice, slightly breathless. "Three shillings.'

  "I have a bid of three shillings for The Geography of the World in

  Twenty Four Volumes. Are you all done?' Bang went the hammer. "Sold to

  the gentleman over there.'

  They were mine! I couldn't believe my luck. l~his surely was the bargain

  to end all bargains. I paid my three shillings while one of the men tied

  a length of rough string round each pile. The first pause in my elation

  came when I tried to lift my purchases. Books are heavy things and these

  were massive specimens; and there were twenty-four of them.

  With a hand under each string I heaved like a weight-lifter and,

  pop-eyed, veins standing out on my forehead, I managed to get them off

  the ground and began to stagger shakily to the exit.

  The first string broke on the top step and twelve of my volumes cascaded

  downwards over the smooth stone. After the first moment of panic I

  decided that the best way was to transport the intact set down to the

  bottom and come back for the others. I did this but it took me some time

  and I began to perspire before I was all tied up again and poised on the

  kerb ready to cross the road.

  The second string broke right in the middle of the tramlines as I

  attempted a stiff-legged dash through a break in the traffic. For about

  a year I scrabbled there in the middle of the road while horns hooted,

  tram bells clanged and an interested crowd watched from the sidewalks. I

  had just got the escaped volumes in a column and was reknotting the

  string when the other lot burst from their binding and slithered gently

  along the metal rails; and it was when I was retrieving them that I

  noticed a large policeman, attracted by the din and the long line of

  vehicles, walking with measured strides in my direction.

  In my mental turmoil I saw myself for the first time in the hands of the

  law. I could be done on several charges - Breach of the Peace,

  Obstructing Traffic to name only two - but I perceived that the officer

  was approaching very slowly and rightly or wrongly I feel that when a

  policeman strolls towards you like that he is a decent chap and is

  giving you a chance to get away. I took my chance. He was still several

  yards off when I had my two piles reassembled and I thrust my hands

  under the strings, tottered to the far kerb and lost myself in the

  crowd.

  When I finally decided there was no longer any fear of feeling the dread

  grip on my shoulder I stopped in my headlong flight and rested in a shop

  doorway. I was puffing like a broken-winded horse and my hands hurt

  abominably. The saleroom string was coarse, hairy and abrasive and

  already it threatened to take the skin off my fingers.

  Anyway, I thought, the worst was over. The tram stop was just at the end

  of the block there. I joined the queue and when the tram arrived,

  shuffled forward with the others. I had one foot on the step when a

  large hand was thrust before my eyes.

  ~two V ~` ITI l l U7 76~3

  "Just a minute, broth'er, just a minute! Where d'you think you're

  going'?' The face under the conductor's hat was the meaty, heavy jowled,

  pop-eyed kind which seems to take a mournful pleasure in imparting bad

  news.

  "You're not bringin' that bloody lot on 'ere, brother. I'll tell the

  now!'

  I looked up at him in dismay. "But .. . it's just a few books .. .'

  "Few books! You want a bloody delivery van for that lot. You're not

  usin' my tram - passengers couldn't stir inside!' His mouth turned down

  aggressively.

  "Oh but really,' I said