Secrets Read online

  Wanda blinked at me.

  ‘I don’t need to look for you. You’re here!’ she said, taking another bite of Mars bar.

  ‘Where did you get that Mars bar?’ I said. ‘Hey, you didn’t nick it from under my pillow, did you?’

  ‘You’re not allowed to eat Mars bars, your mother says,’ said Wanda, munching.

  ‘You pig!’ I tried to snatch the Mars bar stub from her but she shoved it in her mouth sharpish. I felt tears stinging my eyes.

  ‘Don’t cry, silly. I’ll buy you another tomorrow,’ said Wanda.

  I flounced off. They were tears of frustration and despair, but Wanda would never understand.

  I went downstairs. Mum was pacing up and down the hall, jabbering into the phone.

  ‘Look, this is serious. I don’t care what time it is! You jolly well listen to me!’ she declared. ‘God, I’m going out of my mind!’

  But she wasn’t going out of her mind because I’d gone missing. It was just some crisis about her stupid clothes.

  ‘That last batch of T-shirts is entirely the wrong shade of purple. I wanted deep purple, practically blackberry, and these are almost lilac, too twee for words—’ She put her hand over the phone and cocked her head on one side enquiringly.

  ‘Yes, darling?’ she mouthed.

  She obviously hadn’t noticed I was missing. I could probably disappear for months and remain low on her list of priorities, way below lilac T-shirts that should be blackberry.

  Dad hadn’t noticed either. He was slumped in front of the television watching Who Wants to be a Millionaire? He didn’t even look up when I went into the room.

  I don’t think I love him any more.

  I don’t love anyone.

  Oh, dear Kitty, dear Kitty, I wish you were real.

  Five

  Treasure

  I DO LOVE it at my nan’s. I’m really, truly staying for ever. I’ve even started school here!

  I did wonder if it was just a holiday visit in spite of Nan’s reassurances. She asked me on New Year’s Day if I was missing my mum. I said, ‘No, not at all.’ It isn’t exactly true. I dream about her every night. Terry’s in the dream too and he’s hitting her and I can’t stop him and then he’s hitting me. Sometimes I’m screaming when I wake up.

  I think about Mum during the day too, especially when I make Nan a cup of tea. I settle her down while she’s sipping, slip her high heels off and give her a foot massage. That’s what I always did to give Mum a little treat. I am the bee’s knees at foot massage. I know how to pull the tights gently at the end so the toes can wriggle around. I stroke each toe individually and then spend ages on the instep because that’s the bit where it really aches. Nan makes exactly the same little purring sounds that Mum does.

  I think about Mum in the evenings too. Terry’s always out at the pub then, so why doesn’t she phone me? I got so scared he’d really gone for her, maybe put her in hospital. I waited until Nan was out giving a dancing lesson and then I phoned home.

  My fingers were so dithery I could hardly tap out the number. I heard the phone ringing and ringing. I closed my eyes tight, the blood beating in my eyelids. Then Mum suddenly said, ‘Hello?’ right in my ear. She sounded bright and bouncy, like she didn’t have a care in the world. She didn’t sound like she was missing me one bit.

  I swallowed, trying to get my mouth wet enough to speak. I heard Bethany in the background say, ‘Who is it, Mum?’ It was like a punch in the stomach. I’m sure Bethany never called her ‘Mum’ before. I slammed the phone down quick without saying a word.

  I waited. She didn’t dial 1471. She didn’t ring back.

  I’m not going to ring her again. There’s no point now I know she’s all right. She’s got Bethany and Kyle to watch out for her. Terry won’t turn on them because he’s their dad. So it’s all worked out wonderfully well. It has. It has. It has.

  When Nan came home all hot and happy from her dancing I put my arms tight round her neck.

  ‘Promise I can stay here for ever, Nan?’

  She laughed. ‘Yes, I promise! How many more times, my little Treasure?’

  She picked me up and I wound my legs tight round her waist as if I was baby Britney. Nan whirled me round and round the living room, going, ‘My little Treasure, my gold rings, my silver bangles, my flashy diamond, my sparkly sapphire, my red ruby.’

  Patsy capered by her side, doing a little Irish jig, her skirt flying up to show her frilly knickers.

  I can fit into Patsy’s school uniform – just. Nan’s going to buy me my own skirt and blouse soon, and some out-of-school clothes too, new trousers and tops and a winter coat because I’ve only got my old brown fleece and it’s so rubbed I look like a jumble-sale teddy. But I’ll have to wait a bit because she’s already had to fork out for my wonderful new designer glasses so she’s a bit strapped for cash at the moment.

  I felt strange when Nan took me to the school. Patsy’s blouse is very tight under my armpits and her pleated skirt shows a lot of my skinny legs. Patsy’s only got one school jumper so I wore one of Willie’s even though it’s way too big. I spent ages puffing out my fringe so that the Terry scar didn’t show. The stitches are out now but it still looks a horrible zig-zag mess. Nan watched me combing and looked like she might be going to cry.

  ‘I’ve a good mind to shop that pig to the police after all,’ she said.

  ‘Don’t, Nan! He’ll only take it out on Mum.’

  ‘Not if he’s put behind bars where he belongs.’ Nan shook her head. ‘It’s so swearword swearword ironic!’

  She closed her eyes tight for a moment to keep the tears in. I patted her gently on her shoulder. Nan’s boyfriend Pete – Patsy’s dad – is behind bars. He’s a really lovely, kind man. Even Willie and Loretta think the world of him. Nan’s nuts about him. He’s crazy about her too. That’s how he got into trouble. He got involved in this fight in a bar, getting stuck in to protect my nan because some drunk guy started chatting her up. Pete was holding his glass in his hand and the drunk guy got cut really badly. So badly that he died, so Pete’s doing time for manslaughter. Nan goes to visit him every month. She’s got half a gold heart locket that she wears round her neck. Pete wears the other half. It’s dead romantic. Nan misses him very, very badly but she keeps it all inside most of the time.

  I told her she should have a good weep if she wanted as it would do her good to let her emotions out. Nan roared with laughter instead and said I was a scream. At least it cheered her up a bit.

  We went off to school, Nan and Patsy and me. Willie goes to the comprehensive and Loretta doesn’t go to school at all now she’s got Britney. I felt a bit shy when we went into the playground, especially as all Patsy’s friends were crowding round and everyone was wondering who I was. The weird kid with the wrong-size clothes.

  ‘This is my Treasure,’ said Nan, like she was really proud of me.

  That made me feel great, even though some of the kids sniggered at my name. Nan led me inside the school. Patsy gave me a quick kiss for good luck. Then I was taken to the headteacher, Mrs Parker.

  ‘This is my granddaughter, Treasure. She’s living with me now,’ said Nan, giving my shoulder a squeeze. ‘I’ve come to enrol her at Latimer.’

  I thought I might have to do a test, English and Maths maybe, but Mrs Parker put my name on the register right away and I was given a class. They all stared at me when I walked in. I stared right back, my eyes swivelling round and round. I always look out for someone to be my special friend but I haven’t found her yet. The kids at the top of the class with shiny hair and tidy uniform always edge away, like they’ll be nibbled by nits if they get near me. The scruffy kids with stains all over their sweatshirts can’t stick me either because I’m swotty and they act like they’re stupid.

  Sometimes the teachers like me. Sometimes they don’t. They called me Miss-Know-It-All at my last school. I heard them discussing me in the staffroom. This new teacher Miss Strand is a bit dubious. She thinks I’m thic