Sapphire Battersea Read online

  ‘I’m afraid I can’t do that, my dear,’ she said.

  ‘Yes you can! You’re on the Board of Governors! You do all that charity work and publish all those books. They will listen to you. Listen to me! Mama didn’t do anything wrong–’

  ‘She had a child out of wedlock, Hetty,’ Miss Smith said quietly.

  ‘So did the mother of every foundling in this whole hateful institution!’

  ‘They all gave up their babies to the hospital. They didn’t sneak back here under false pretences.’

  ‘Surely that proves just how much Mama loves me. And I love her, and I cannot bear it that she’s been cast out like a common criminal and denied a character reference.’

  Miss Smith tried to interrupt, but I went on talking, sitting bolt upright and shouting now. The infirmary nurse came rushing to restrain me, but Miss Smith stopped her.

  ‘What will poor Mama do? She can’t get a new position without a character reference. She’s only ever worked here – and three terrible years in the workhouse. What if they won’t take her back? Then she will be left to fend for herself on the streets. You dare ask me what the matter is! How do you think I feel, knowing my own dear mother is sitting in some mire-filled, squalid gutter, weeping–’

  Oh, Hetty, you have such a majestic imagination! Don’t get too carried away now! I assure you, your mother is not weeping in any mire-filled, squalid gutter. I like that phrase! I might well borrow it for one of my books.’

  ‘Are you mocking me?’

  ‘Only a little. I understand your anguish, but it’s unfounded. Your mother, Ida, is well provided for. She has a new position already.’

  ‘You’re lying!’

  The nurse gasped. ‘Hetty Feather, how dare you address the lady like that!’

  ‘It’s quite all right, Nurse. It’s good to see Hetty in a passion. It tells me that she’s on the mend already,’ said Miss Smith. ‘I suggest you go and attend to your other patients, while Hetty and I continue our little chat.’

  When the nurse left, with obvious reluctance, Miss Smith put her pale plain face close to mine, looking me straight in the eye. ‘Do you really think I’m a liar, Hetty?’

  I took a deep breath and then shook my head.

  ‘I will always tell you the truth. Your mother is safe and well, and has a good position. You must trust me.’

  ‘I do trust you, Miss Smith – but I don’t trust anyone else. They could be lying to you,’ I said.

  ‘Hetty, I took it upon myself to raise your mother’s case with the Board of Governors. We agreed that we could not possibly create a precedent by keeping Ida in our employ. Many other mothers would start seeking work at the hospital, and that would never do. We’ve always taken great care that no foundling should be singled out in any way, for treats or praise or special coddling–’

  ‘Hmph! I am constantly singled out for scoldings and slappings.’

  ‘Yes, and perhaps you deserve them, Miss Hetty Feather! Now listen to me, please. The matrons pressed for instant dismissal, and that was understandable – but it seemed to me singularly unfair to turn Ida away without giving her a good character. She’s been an exemplary worker in all her years here, even if it was for a particular reason. She’s been hard-working and cheerful, willing to lend a hand with anything. I wrote exactly that in her letter of reference.’

  ‘You gave her a character reference! Oh, Miss Smith, thank you, thank you!’

  ‘And I found her a new position too, as a general housekeeper to an elderly lady at Bignor-on-Sea on the south coast. She’s an acquaintance of an aunt of mine, an invalid who I’m sure will treat Ida fairly.’

  ‘But the south coast – that’s miles and miles away! I shall never see her! Couldn’t you have found her a closer position, Miss Smith?’

  ‘Sometimes I think you can never be satisfied, Hetty!’

  ‘Can we visit at all?’

  ‘I’m afraid the Board of Governors do not think that a wise idea. But I dare say you will be able to write to each other.’

  ‘Truly? I will get letters from Mama?’

  ‘Yes, I’m sure she will write to you every now and then.’

  I’d never had letters before, apart from one from Polly. I’d written my weekly letter home to my foster family. I wasn’t sure Mother knew how to write, but Jem certainly did. He had taught me my own lettering when I was barely toddling. I had written for years, but they never once wrote back. Very few of the foundlings received letters, and yet in the junior school we all wrote once a week without fail.

  My heart beat harder in my chest. ‘Will they give me Mama’s letters?’ I asked fearfully. ‘They don’t always give us our letters, I am sure of it.’

  I wasn’t sure – but the expression on Miss Smith’s face told me that I’d hit on the truth.

  ‘I do believe there is a little censoring. I certainly don’t approve, but it’s done for well-meaning reasons. Apparently, letters from foster homes are frequently inappropriate or upsetting and would not help the children to settle down at the hospital …’ Miss Smith’s voice wavered.

  I seized her hands. ‘That’s outrageous, Miss Smith, and you know it!’

  ‘Hetty, Hetty, calm down! I do agree with you, it is in most circumstances outrageous, but I do not think there is anything I can do to change matters. It is the custom.’

  ‘Then it’s cruel and pointless telling me Mama will write if I can’t receive her letters!’ I protested.

  ‘Hush now!’ She held my hands tightly and put her face close to mine. ‘I have given Ida my own address. I will tell her to send all letters to me. I will bring them to you on a regular basis and I will post your replies. That way you will know that the letters are being sent – if, of course, you trust me?’

  ‘Oh, Miss Smith, of course I trust you!’ I said, and I threw my arms around her.

  ‘Now, now, Hetty, compose yourself. Still, I am pleased to see you are almost back to your old self – in a furious rage one moment and in a fever of excitement the next,’ she said, laughing at me. ‘If you’re truly grateful–’

  ‘I am, I am!’

  ‘Then you must get better quickly and be a good, polite, hard-working girl for your entire future stay at the hospital.’

  ‘I’m not sure I can quite manage that,’ I said truthfully.

  Miss Smith laughed again. ‘Well, do your best, dear,’ she said. She called to the nurse. ‘I think you’ll find that Hetty is on the mend. I have a feeling she’ll be able to get up tomorrow. I’m sure she’ll definitely be her old self by the end of the week. Isn’t that right, Hetty?’

  I nodded emphatically. My head ached, and I still felt weak and dizzy when I tried to get up, but I persevered. I ate as much gruel as I could to get stronger, although it didn’t taste the same without Mama’s loving sprinkles of brown sugar and spoonfuls of cream.

  I was still punished when I returned to the schoolroom and my own dormitory, but I didn’t care. I listened to the scoldings of Matron Stinking Bottomly with my head held high. What did I care if she thought me deceitful and dishonest and a disgrace to the whole hospital? I even held my tongue when she said bad things about Mama. I knew she was simply trying to goad me into flying at her, and then she could legitimately fling me in the punishment room. I knew now that Mama was well provided for and would be writing to me, and that special secret knowledge kept me silent and seemingly obedient.

  I performed all the extra housework tasks the matron set me. I did not even murmur when she had me scrubbing out the privies.

  Sheila came across me performing this unpleasant task. She would normally have laughed delightedly to see me scrubbing with one hand and holding my nose with the other, but this time she hovered anxiously. Then, to my astonishment, she took up another brush and started scrubbing too.

  ‘Whatever are you doing, Sheila?’ I asked.

  ‘What does it look like?’ said Sheila. ‘Ugh! This is disgusting!’

  ‘But why are you helping me? Y