Diamond Read online

  ‘You’ve made an awful lot of notes!’ I said, marvelling, for my hand ached if I attempted even a few lines of The cat sat on the mat.

  ‘Oh, this is my memoir book,’ said Hetty. ‘I’m just writing notes on the last page.’

  ‘What’s a memoir?’

  ‘Well, I suppose it’s just a grand name for a story about yourself,’ she told me.

  ‘I love stories!’ I remembered the little fairy tales Mary-Martha and I had coloured. ‘Does your memoir have fairies and witches and ogres and a handsome prince on a white horse?’

  ‘Well, you can be the fairy, Diamond. There are certainly several witches in the first volume – and one or two ogres in the second and third. And I suppose there was a handsome prince – but I don’t want to be his princess,’ said Hetty. She looked suddenly as if she might start crying. ‘I don’t think I do, anyway.’

  I did not really understand, but I gave her a hug to try and comfort her.

  ‘Diamond! Get down here and watch the boys. It’s time you learned springboarding too. Leave that useless girl alone, do you hear me?’ Beppo bawled from the ring.

  I felt Hetty wince at the word useless. ‘You’re not a bit useless, Hetty,’ I said fiercely.

  ‘Everyone else thinks so,’ she said. But then she put her chin up. ‘So I shall show them.’

  And she did, oh she did! I was so scared for her at that evening’s performance. As we all lined up by the tent flaps, there was a great muttering, especially when we saw Mr Tanglefield stand behind Hetty. She looked very small and girlish, though she cut a fine enough figure in her scarlet riding coat and tall black hat.

  ‘The boss has taken leave of his senses,’ Beppo muttered. ‘That girl’s only got a mouse squeak. How can that silly flibbertigibbet ever hold the crowd?’

  The band played a fanfare. We all stared at Hetty, half the folk thinking she might make a break for it and run off into the night. But she marched forward into the ring. We could not see her properly once she was there, but oh my goodness, we could hear her.

  ‘Ladies and gentlemen!’ she cried, in a voice so rich and loud, I think the entire town of Gillford heard her. ‘Ladies and gentlemen, girls and boys, little children and babes in arms – take heed! You are about to see sights that will dazzle your eyes and delight your hearts. Here is the amazing, magnificent and ultra-marvellous Tanglefield’s Travelling Circus!’

  A great cheer rang out around the ring. All the circus artistes stopped their mutterings and gaped. Hetty was extraordinary! She played with that audience, announcing each act in astonishing sentences that tripped off her tongue as if she’d been a ringmaster all her life. Even Beppo shook his head and mumbled, ‘Well, she’s certainly got a way with words, I’ll say that.’

  The audience was so well warmed up and appreciative that it made performing easy. We were all at our best. I was so excited I very nearly dared somersault down from Tag’s shoulders when we did the human column, so keyed up I felt my little wire wings might even fly me up to the top of the tent and back.

  The applause at the end of the act made my ears throb. I glanced all around the cheering audience and saw one man hunched at the end, the only one not clapping. He wasn’t looking at us. He only had eyes for Hetty. It was her foster brother, Jem.

  I DO NOT know if Hetty saw Jem. She didn’t mention him. She was flushed with triumph at the end of the show. Mr Tanglefield was so delighted with her success, he called for two of the circus hands to fetch beer from the nearest alehouse and held an impromptu party for his new star. There were still many circus folk who resented this new girl’s status, but they’d seen for themselves that she could work the crowd wonderfully, and they all drank to her success – even Beppo and my silver brothers. Madame Adeline was utterly delighted, hovering by Hetty’s side, feeding her little titbits and putting her own wrapper round her when she saw her shivering in the night air – though I think it was from excitement rather than cold.

  Hetty drank little beer herself. She offered me a sip, but the very smell reminded me so painfully of Pa that I pressed my lips together and shook my head violently, which made everyone laugh. The men drank their fill, happily making the most of Mr Tanglefield’s rare generosity, and after an hour or so grew wild and raucous. Hetty only had half a glass, but she acted slightly drunk too, laughing and joking with everyone, slapping each man on the back and kissing Madame Adeline and Flora and me.

  I did not want to risk upsetting her by talking about her foster brother. I knew it might make her sad to think that he had walked all those miles from their village to Gillford to watch her perform.

  During the next few days I wondered if Hetty was thinking of him. She was still very anxious before each performance and wildly elated afterwards. She was restless between times, pacing backwards and forwards like the big cats in their cage. Sometimes she went off for long walks by herself and came back with sore eyes and a sad face, though she insisted she hadn’t been crying.

  ‘Are you missing your home and your folks?’ I asked her timidly.

  She did not answer – just bent her head so I couldn’t see her face.

  ‘You won’t get so homesick that you leave the circus?’ I asked, desperate for reassurance.

  ‘No. No, this is what I want,’ Hetty said. ‘This is the life I’ve always longed for . . .’ But she didn’t sound sure. She held onto me tightly. ‘Do you sometimes feel . . . torn, Diamond?’

  I didn’t know what she meant. I fingered my own shredded petticoat anxiously. ‘Torn, like my petticoat?’ I asked.

  ‘Torn in two – one of you wanting to be here, one of you wanting to be home. Only I don’t even know where my real home is.’

  I tried to follow her, but it was too difficult. I had never wanted to be here at the circus until Hetty came along. I knew where my home was, but there was no point wanting to be there. It was like one of the riddles on the joke cards Pa sold for parties.

  Hetty saw my puzzled face and gave me a hug. ‘Don’t look so worried, Diamond. Take no notice of my silly ramblings. Yes, your petticoat is torn. I’ll fix it for you. In fact I’ll make you a brand-new petticoat and a pretty dress to go over it. Would you like that?’

  ‘But I have my fairy dress for the show.’

  ‘This won’t be for the show. It’ll be for you,’ said Hetty. ‘What colour dress would you like?’

  I blinked at her, too overcome to decide. Did she really mean it? I’d never had a new dress for myself. I’d always worn Mary-Martha’s cast-offs, and they weren’t even new when she got them. Ma had bought all our clothes in bundles from the rag shop.

  I reached for the skirt of Hetty’s dress, a soft grey cotton patterned with tiny white flowers. ‘Could I – could I have a grey dress like yours?’ I asked.

  ‘You don’t want grey,’ said Hetty. ‘Grey cotton is for servants and country girls. You are a special circus girl, Diamond. You can wear something really bright and beautiful. You could have primrose chiffon or rose-pink muslin or sky-blue silk. Go on, choose!’ She looked at me, her blue eyes shining. Blue seemed the most wonderful colour in the world.

  ‘Please may I have blue silk?’ I whispered.

  ‘Of course you can!’ Hetty snatched up Maybelle. ‘She can have a blue silk dress to match. And I’ll make you each a white broderie anglaise pinafore so you can play at making mud pies whenever you fancy without spoiling your dresses.’

  I still thought this might be a delightful game of make-believe – but the next morning Hetty went to the market in town and came back with great armfuls of material wrapped in brown paper. I spotted a wisp of sky-blue silk and felt a throb of happiness in my chest.

  ‘But how can you afford such fine materials, and so many?’ I said, slipping my hand in under the brown paper and stroking brocade and velvet and my own beautiful blue silk.

  ‘I made Mr Tanglefield give me an advance on my pay so I can make costumes for the company. And I got them very cheaply. I am old friends with the market m