Divided Read online

  “See?” Kat said. “Your heart knows who to choose even if your brain doesn’t. Is what your parents think really what’s holding you back? Or is it the other thing we talked about—the fear that something bad will happen because you let yourself off the leash?”

  Becca bit her lip. “I…I don’t know. I just know I’m not ready to be fully bonded to them yet.”

  “Maybe just give it some time,” Kat advised. “But in the meantime, you really need to touch them—together if you can stand it without giving in to the urge for naked time.”

  “Why together?” Becca asked. “Why does it have to be at the same time?”

  Kat shrugged. “It doesn’t but it’ll work better that way. Plus, if their Twin bond really has come together, it’s going to hurt them to touch you separately. Like a low level shock running through their bodies when either one of them touches you without the other also touching.”

  “Are you serious?” Becca shook her head. “I guess you said something like that in the ‘Twin Bonding 101’ class thingy you guys put together to teach them but I never thought…”

  “That it would affect your guys?” Kat said. “Honestly, doll, I didn’t either. I never thought Truth would ever come around to being that connected to his brother.”

  “I didn’t either,” Becca admitted in a low voice. “But he doesn’t do anything halfway—he’s completely committed to their relationship now and of course, Far always was. So now I’m the only one holding out and I feel kind of…”

  “Outnumbered?” Kat finished for her. “Yeah, I should have warned you. That can be a thing sometimes when you’re with Twin Kindred. Luckily, like all Kindred, they always defer to the lady. So even if it seems like it’s two against one, you’ve still got the upper hand.”

  “It doesn’t feel like that,” Becca said in a small voice.

  “No, but it is,” Kat said firmly. “So stick to your guns. Don’t bond with them fully until you feel ready.” She sighed. “And in the meantime, try not to let yourself get too weak.”

  “Weak?” Becca asked.

  “And if you get a pain in your head—kind of like someone driving a spike through your eye—don’t freak out. It’s not an aneurysm, just the partial bond,” Kat went on.

  “A spike in my eye? That’s horrible!” Becca shook her head. “I have to tell you, Kat, you’re not exactly making me feel better.”

  “I’m just telling you what to expect. I don’t want you freaking out and thinking you’re dying on a strange planet. Because that is no fun. Which I know from personal experience.”

  “Crap.” Becca sighed. “No, worse than crap—shit. This is so complicated.”

  Kat raised an eyebrow again. “Such language from a nun!”

  “I’m not a nun and I’m never going to be one,” Becca said tartly. “And if I keep on the way I’m going, I’ll be ashamed to ever enter a church again.”

  Kat shook her head. “You have to stop talking that way, Becca. You can’t help it you fell for two guys at once and they can’t help the way they are. Twin Kindred have to share a female—it’s the only way for them. It’s not perverted or wrong or evil—it’s a simple matter of biology.”

  “I guess…” Becca twisted her hands in her lap. “It’s just…hard not to feel guilty considering the way I was raised.”

  “Believe me, I know,” Kat said. “But eventually you’re going to have to get over it and do what feels right. And if you really love Truth and Far—and I think you do—the right thing is to complete that bond.”

  “Or I could have it broken when I get back to the Mother Ship,” Becca said in a small voice. Just saying the words made her feel sick but she forced herself to continue. “The…the Goddess said she would do that for me if…if I asked her to.”

  “You really think that’s what you want?” Kat asked quietly.

  “I don’t know.” Becca felt ready to cry. “I don’t know anything anymore. I’m just…just scared, Kat.”

  “I know you are, doll.” Kat sighed. “I wish I was there to give you a hug—you look like you could use one.”

  “I could. I really could.” Becca wrapped her arms around herself and thought of the kind of hug she really wanted. One where Far and Truth surrounded her with their big male bodies and held her close between them. But she was certain hugging would lead to other things if she gave in to that urge.

  “If you should decide to dissolve the partial bond…uh-oh.” Kat’s eyes went wide.

  “What?” Becca turned quickly to see that Far was standing in the doorway, looking at the viewscreeen. His face was blank and it was impossible to tell if he’d heard what she and Kat had been saying.

  “Truth sent me to see if you’re ready to go,” he said quietly. “Should I tell him you’ll be a minute more?”

  “I…um…” Becca bit her lip. “Far, I just—”

  “I’ll tell him you need another moment to say goodbye to Lady Kat,” the light twin said. He turned quickly away before Becca could say anything else.

  “Crap,” Becca sighed again.

  “Don’t you mean ‘shit?’” Kat asked.

  “As in deep, deep shit once the guys start talking,” Becca said morosely. “Yes, I guess that about sums it up.” She ran a hand through her hair. “I have to go, Kat. Hopefully I’ll see you soon. We’re just going to dig up this truthonium necklace thing and come right back to the Mother Ship.”

  “Good, I’ll be waiting. And I might even save you a brownie if I can keep from eating them all.”

  Becca raised an eyebrow. “Is this a brownie from the same batch you had when I left?”

  “Of course not! Lauren brought some more this morning but I can’t promise not to eat them all though—these have peanut butter swirled through them.” Kat rolled her eyes. “They’re sooo good.”

  Despite her worry, Becca couldn’t help smiling. “You’re too much, Kat. I wish you were here. I don’t know what I’m going to do once I go down to Pax and I’m on my own.”

  Kat winked at her. “You’ll be fine. Just remember—follow your heart, not your head. And don’t give in to fear.”

  “I…I’ll try not to,” Becca promised. She blew her friend a kiss and clicked off the viewscreen.

  It was time to go down to Pax.

  Chapter Thirty-four

  “So this is where you grew up, Brother.” Far looked around with considerable interest at the vast, snow covered trees that surrounded them. Each of the massive conifers rose hundreds of feet in the air and it would have taken twenty males at least to encircle a single trunk with their arms. Truth had landed the shuttle in the middle of small clearing and the gigantic forest surrounding them made Far feel very small and insignificant.

  “It is,” Truth said shortly. He shot Far a look that was mingled affection and exasperation. “Ask your questions—I can feel you dying to know more.”

  “Does my interest in your home really come through our bond so strongly?” Far smiled at his brother. “Forgive me. I’m just curious but I know curiosity is taboo here on Pax.”

  “I have broken a great many taboos already,” Truth said shortly. “I hardly think one more will matter.”

  Far felt a surge of affection for his brother. Now that the wall that had separated them had come down, it was amazing how much he was willing to share of himself. The light twin knew that personal privacy was of the utmost importance to his brother’s people—and to Truth too. So the fact that he was offering to answer questions about himself and his past was a major concession on his part.

  “These trees are amazing.” Becca, clad in an ankle length crimson coat, was looking up in awe. “They remind me of the Redwoods out in California. So huge.”

  “These are the elder trees,” Truth said, gesturing at them. “My people consider them sacred.”

  “And do you live in them?” Far asked. “I understood the Rai’ku lived in domiciles built in the treetops but I don’t see any here.”

  “That is because