Divided Read online

  Far kept his head down, his broad shoulders hunched.

  “Didn’t you hear him? I could give him a century and he’d still want nothing to do with me.”

  “He’s just got a lot of issues to work out—you heard what he said,” Becca protested. “His father—your father—”

  Far raked a hand through his long hair.

  “I never should have brought him up. All this time I’ve been so jealous, thinking that at least Truth got one true parent to guide and guard and love him. I had no idea…”

  “How could you?” Becca said softly. “How could anyone? But it certainly explains a lot.”

  “Such as why he wants nothing to do with Twin Kindred culture and doesn’t wish to be near another male? Yes, of course.” Far laughed bitterly. “You know, I thought it was simply that he was a product of Rai’ku society. And now this…he’ll never come to me now.”

  “Don’t be so sure,” Becca said, although privately she was beginning to wonder if anything could heal the rift between the brothers. “The two of you were beginning to get so close back, uh…” She felt her cheeks heating. “Back before we had that vision, I mean.”

  Far stopped and turned to her. “You mean when you were allowing us to share you. Yes, I did think we were getting close. Of course, that was before I pushed him too hard and made him admit that our father was actually some kind of a…a monster.”

  “There’s no excuse for what he did to Truth,” Becca said. “But he was probably traumatized. I didn’t even know that Twin Kindred could survive the death of their twin.”

  “They usually can’t,” Far said soberly. “And even when the body survives, the mind is not always intact.”

  “That’s probably part of what happened, then,” Becca said. “But even if the grief of losing your mother and his brother didn’t make him crazy, that kind of loss changes people. It…it breaks something inside them.”

  “You sound like you speak from experience,” Far said softly. “Did you lose someone in the past, mi’now?”

  Becca shook her head and looked away.

  “No one I want to talk about.”

  “All right.” He cupped her cheek, turning her face up to his. “I want to thank you for giving of yourself tonight. And for helping me save Truth, though he wants nothing to do with me now.”

  “Give him time,” Becca said again. “And some space.”

  Far shook his head sadly. “I will give him both but it won’t do any good. I pushed too hard and now I’ve lost him. Lost any chance I ever had with him forever.”

  Becca felt a lump form in her throat at the desolate look in his dark eyes.

  “Oh, Far, honey,” she whispered but he simply sighed and took her hand.

  “Come. This part of the ship looks clear of dust but let me take you to your suite to be sure you’re safe.”

  “I’m the one who’s supposed to be protecting you from the dust, remember?” Becca reminded him.

  A ghostly smile curved one corner of the light twin’s sensual mouth.

  “Indeed. But the dust is not the only thing to worry about.” He looked suddenly serious. “I also wonder if Commander Sylvan managed to contain all the possessed warriors behind the shield barrier he erected around the Unmated Males area.”

  Becca shivered and looked around the empty corridor.

  “I don’t see anyone with glowing red eyes roaming around.”

  “That’s the thing—you probably wouldn’t see them until it was too late,” Far said. He took her hand and laced their fingers together. “Come, let’s get safely back to our suites and we can worry about everything else tomorrow.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Truth tossed on the sleeping platform but sleep wouldn’t come. Instead he kept seeing the hurt look on Far’s face, the desolation and rejection that he, Truth had put there.

  He deserves it! He’s the one who spied on me—the one who tried to seduce me into a life of perversion. The one who made me admit what our rather was… what he did…

  But he couldn’t finish the thought, even to himself. How many years had he spent pushing down those memories? Pretending they never happened? Feels Pain hadn’t struck him since he was fifteen cycles old and had gotten his full growth. Not because Truth was getting too big to beat, but because that was when his body began to shut down from years of alcohol poisoning. He had lingered a few more years in a half-life of pain and misery and then, finally, mercifully, had passed.

  In the end, Truth had felt nothing but relief.

  Feels Pain had finally gotten what he wanted—death. Kindred were incredibly tough and hard to kill but his father’s constant drinking had been nothing less than slow, systematic suicide. Truth had only wished it could have happened sooner. In fact, he had prayed for his father’s death for years—a fact that haunted him.

  Yet despite the beatings and the distance between them, he had loved his father desperately. He could still remember looking up to the tall male and feeling pride in his father’s strength. Wanting to be like him. And then there were the rare gestures of affection—the few times when Feels Pain had ruffled his hair when he thought no one was looking. Once he had even put a hand on Truth’s shoulder and squeezed. It was an unheard of gesture among the Rai’ku— Truth had replayed in his mind over and over.

  He had desperately craved his father’s approval, the touch of the big male’s hand, a few words of praise and once in a very great while he got them. But mostly there was only terror in the dark. Hearing the front door open with a thunk and close with a slam, wondering how much his father had been drinking, praying to the Goddess that the big male wouldn’t come tramping up the steps of their treetop lodge with that sour-sweet smell on his breath, his huge hands clenched into fists and rage in his eyes…

  Stop thinking these things! They serve no purpose!

  Truth tossed angrily again, punching his pillow until a fine cloud of the soft stuffing inside it came spraying out. He wished he could punch the bad memories out of his head as easily.

  Giving up his abortive efforts to sleep, he called for the lights, got up and sat on the edge of the sleeping platform. So much had happened tonight and yet all he could seem to think about was his father. Even though he had been dead for years, Feels Pain was always with him, whether Truth wanted him to be or not.

  What would he think of you if he could see you now? a mocking little voice in the back of his head hissed. Would he be proud to see how you’ve been acting? Betraying the customs of your people and allowing yourself to be tempted by perversion?

  No. Truth wished he could push the voice out of his head but it wouldn’t go. He knew exactly what Feels Pain would think if he could see Truth now. He would think what a disappointment his one pure blooded Kindred son was.

  He would be shamed by you—by your actions. By your desires, whispered the little voice.

  Truth knew it was true. There was no escaping it. No burying it. Feels Pain had embraced the Rai’ku ways and trained Truth to do the same. The few times he’d broken with them, Truth had always paid the price later. If his father ruffled his hair in the morning, he would be certain to come home drunk and angry to beat him that night.

  And I’m still paying the price now, Truth thought angrily. If I hadn’t allowed Far to get close, to get under my skin, I wouldn’t be thinking of Feels Pain now. I would be sleeping soundly, these thoughts and memories still buried where they belong. Well, no more!

  Rising quickly, he walked across the room to the full length viewer against the wall. In its silvery, reflective surface he stared at himself. He saw a male with a haggard face and haunted eyes. A male whose unquiet past and uncertain future tormented him. The future doesn’t have to be uncertain, the little voice whispered. You know what to do.

  Indeed he did. Truth looked intently into the viewer and made himself a promise.

  “It won’t happen again. I won’t touch Far or let him touch me and I will not allow him to entice me into sharing Reb