Divided Read online

  “A hold up?” Truth sounded confused.

  “A robbery,” Far clarified for his brother. “Go on, Becca.”

  “Kenneth tried to stop the guy from hurting the…the old man behind the counter. He was always like that—standing up for other people. It…it was one of the reasons I loved him.”

  Becca stopped to press the back of her hand to her eyes. It came away wet. She was shaking now but still she couldn’t seem to help it. She’d been repressing this memory for years, ordering herself not to think about it. Now she couldn’t stop thinking about it.

  “The guy shot him—right through the heart,” she whispered. “They…they said he probably died instantly. They rushed him to Tampa General, tried to revive him. But it was no good. It…he…” She shook her head, unable to go on.

  “And they made you come and identify him?” Truth sounded angry. “Was there no one else that could have done such a task?”

  “His parents lived out of state and I was listed as his emergency contact,” Becca said dully. “It all happened so fast. We thought we had our whole lives to be together. Kenneth got down on his knee and proposed to me—gave me that ring you saw. We were going to have a house by the beach and three or four kids.”

  “You loved him very much, didn’t you?” Far said softly.

  Becca nodded and swallowed convulsively, trying not to cry. “We were so sure about our future. So I thought it was okay to…to…We wanted each other so much. I felt safe with him—I thought he would always be there.” She shook her head. “It was my fault. If I hadn’t given in, he would still be alive.”

  “That’s not true,” Far said gently. “How could it be?”

  “It is true,” Becca insisted. “I killed him.” She shook off the encircling arms of both men and stood on shaky legs. She began pacing, just as her younger self had done. “My fault,” she muttered. “Mother of God…”

  “Rebecca, no.” Truth came to her and took her by the shoulders. He shook her once, a quick, firm shake that made her teeth click together.

  Becca looked up at him in surprise.

  “Truth?” she whispered.

  “What happened was not your fault,” the dark twin said clearly. “Anymore than what happened with my father was my fault.”

  “Truth is right.” Far came to stand beside his brother. “I don’t know why the Mindscape made you relive this moment in your life but if you take nothing else from it, take this—you are blameless.”

  “I…I don’t feel blameless.” Becca’s throat felt tight and the tears that had been building up behind her burning eyelids suddenly came in a flood. “My parents always told me—my father especially—I was supposed to wait. Wait until I found a nice Catholic boy to marry and give myself to and…and…I’m sorry,” she whispered. “So, so sorry.”

  “Oh, Becca…” Suddenly she found herself surrounded on either side by big, male bodies. Truth and Far had thrown their arms around each other with her in the middle.

  “It’s all right…I know it hurts but it’s going to be all right.”

  Becca didn’t know which twin was speaking but the words seemed to sooth and calm her—as well as the intense feeling of love and caring coming from both her men. Grief swept through her and she let herself cry.

  “I’m sorry,” she said over and over. “I’m just so sorry.”

  She cried until she felt dry inside—dry as a desert where nothing would ever sprout again. The whole time Truth and Far held her tight, shielding her as though their big, muscular bodies could be a bulwark against the storm that raged through her.

  Finally the sobs tapered off and the grief became more bearable. Becca was able to think again. She sniffed hard and lifted her head, shifting within the cradle of her men’s arms.

  “Becca?” Far asked softly. “Are you well?”

  “Not well exactly but…better.” Becca sniffed again. “I’m sorry I lost it like that. I thought…I thought I was over all this. But seeing it happen like that, watching myself go through it…I felt it all over again.”

  “Of course you did,” Truth said roughly. “Some pain never dies. It just goes away for a while if you bury it deeply enough.”

  “I’ve tried not to think about it for years,” Becca admitted. “I guess I wasn’t so much over it as repressing it.”

  “That sounds about right,” Far said gently. As if by mutual consent, he and Truth took a step back, allowing her some breathing room. “Do you feel better now?” he asked.

  Becca thought about it. Strangely, she did feel better. The pain wasn’t completely gone but it was more like an old ache—something she could live with. And the guilt was less too.

  “It really wasn’t your fault, you know,” Far said, as though reading her mind.

  “I know that now.” Becca took a deep, cleansing breath and let it out in a soft sigh. “But when you’re raised with the amount of guilt I was, it’s really hard to let go of the idea that you’re going to be severely punished the moment you stray from the straight and narrow.”

  “So you are well now?” Truth brushed a strand of hair from her eyes and both brothers peered at her anxiously.

  Becca nearly laughed at the worried looks on their faces.

  “Yes, guys, I’m fine—really.” A surge of love overcame her—not for either the light twin or the dark twin but for both of them together. Acting as a team, they had pulled her back from the brink of despair. She was whole because of them, sane and in control of herself once more, despite the mental torture the Mindscape had put her through.

  Unable to help herself, she reached for them both. It wasn’t easy to get her arms around two such big guys but somehow she managed. Truth and Far came willingly and Becca held them tight, standing on tiptoe to manage it.

  The warm scent they always seemed to make when they were in close proximity—a mixture of dark, masculine spice and some deliciously tempting aroma like cinnamon and vanilla—completely enveloped her. Mother of God, they smelled so good together. She felt her nipples tighten and her pussy was suddenly drenched. Why was it that even in the Mindscape where none of them were even really touching, they still affected her so much?

  No, whispered a little voice. You shouldn’t feel that way. Remember what happened to Kenneth… But even with the recent trauma and guilt, their arms felt so good around her, so right. Becca might have been tempted to give in to the electric feeling of desire that seemed to jump between the three of them if Far hadn’t given a hoarse exclamation in the deep, guttural language of the Kindred common tongue.

  “What is it, Far?” Becca pulled away a little to look at him. He was staring over her shoulder, a grim look on his face. “What is it?” she asked again, turning to look.

  Standing behind her was a third door.

  “I think,” the light twin said softly. “It’s my turn now.”

  Chapter Twenty-eight

  “Your turn for what?” Truth asked but then he appeared to catch sight of the door as well and cursed softly. “Seven Hells, Brother,” he said, frowning. “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault.” Far kept eyeing the door, making no move to open it. “It’s simply my turn. I just thought…I guess I thought I might not have to go through this…this test the Mindscape is putting us through.”

  “Why would you think that?” Truth demanded.

  “Because the Mindscape has been showing us the reasons we resisted being together,” Becca said thoughtfully. “The obstacles that stand in our way. Your abuse, Truth,” she said, nodding at the dark twin. “And my guilt. But Far has always wanted to be with both of us. So it’s natural for him to think…”

  “To think that he might not have to relive a past trauma since he had none that would stop him from forming a bond,” Truth finished for her. “That does seem to make sense.”

  “Apparently it doesn’t though.” Far spoke as lightly as he could but inside he was dreading the coming ordeal. What would he see when he stepped through that familiar