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  “Oh, baby…” Lauren shook her head and sat down beside him. “You know what the problem is?” she said, rubbing his back soothingly. “You’re not a monster and you’re not a beast—you just have trouble telling the difference between sexual and non-sexual touching.”

  He frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “I mean there’s a difference between giving someone a hug and wanting to fuck their brains out,” Lauren said bluntly. She sighed. “I can see why this is a problem for you—you had a really dysfunctional childhood to say the least. But I think with a little work we can move past it.”

  “I don’t know.” Xairn shook his head. “And I don’t know understand how there can be different kinds of touching. All I know is that I don’t want to touch anyone but you. And when I do touch you, or you touch me, it makes me feel…” He made a frustrated noise in the back of his throat.

  “Feel like what?” Lauren encouraged. It was good they were talking about this, getting it out in the open.

  “Feel like I want to…to do what I told you earlier.” He looked down at his hands. “Like I want to take you—bond you to me forever.”

  “You’re talking about bonding sex? Where your, uh, both your…” Lauren cleared her throat. “Both your pieces of equipment are engaged?”

  “Yes.” He looked up at her. “It would tie us together forever—form an unbreakable bond that could never be severed.”

  “And you don’t want that with me?” Lauren tried not to feel hurt. “I mean, I know it’s really early in our relationship to be talking about a permanent commitment but I love you, Xairn. The idea of being with you forever doesn’t scare me.”

  “It should.” He shook his head. “You have no idea how savage bonding sex with a Scourge can be. You’re a human female and you’re not built to withstand it—I won’t do that to you, Lauren.”

  “So what are you saying?” She crossed her arms over her chest. “That we can never be together that way? Never make love?”

  “It’s not making love.” His voice dropped to a growl. “It’s fucking rape. I won’t do it to you—I can’t.”

  “Xairn…”

  “In fact, I think it would be best if we curtailed our sexual activity for the time being.” He looked at her earnestly. “Just to be safe.”

  Lauren repressed a sigh. “Okay, honey, I understand that you want to take it slow. How about this—only nonsexual touching for awhile.”

  “I don’t think we should touch at all. Every time I touch you feels sexual to me,” Xairn protested.

  “Right,” said Lauren firmly. “And if you don’t get used to it—desensitized to it—it always will. You need to be able to hold my hand or kiss my cheek without getting a hard-on. So look…” She stood up and placed herself in front of him again. “Here and here are off limits,” she said, pointing to her breasts and the area between her legs. “Okay?”

  Xairn looked unhappy but he nodded. “All right.”

  “I won’t touch your erogenous zones either,” Lauren promised. “But I will touch you everywhere else and I want you to touch me to. I want us to hold hands and hug and snuggle. I want to play with your hair and kiss your cheek and be affectionate without being sexual. And I want you to do the same thing with me.”

  Xairn frowned. “But—”

  “No buts.” Lauren tugged him to his feet. “Now hug me,” she ordered. “Hold me tight and promise me you won’t give up on us.”

  Hesitantly, Xairn held out his arms. “All right.”

  “Good.” Lauren stepped into his embrace. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pulled him down and kissed his cheek. “I love you, Xairn. We’re going to get through this together.”

  “I love you too,” he whispered. Suddenly his arms tightened around her and he crushed her to him. “So much, Lauren.” His voice was tight. “Too much, I fear.”

  Though his embrace made her ribs creak, Lauren didn’t struggle. Instead she rubbed her cheek against his and relaxed into the hug. “You can’t love someone too much,” she whispered, trying to reassure him. “It’s okay, baby. Everything is going to be okay.”

  * * * * *

  Xairn hoped she was right but he was desperately afraid she wasn’t. Even after his earlier, painful release, holding her fragile, soft body in his arms still made him hard all over again. The warm, sweet scent of her skin and hair, the feeling of her pressed against him, was almost more than he could stand. And she wanted to do this and more every day. Wanted to kiss and hold and hug and touch constantly—Gods, even with the human DNA bonded to his own, how was he going to control himself?

  Xairn knew she thought he would get used to it, to having constant physical contact with him, but that wasn’t the way the Scourge physiology was set up. Touching—no matter how minor—meant sex. But of course, nothing about his relationship with Lauren mirrored the traditional Scourge pairing. She wasn’t tied to the bed or kept in a cage all day until he wanted to fuck her, for one thing. And she wasn’t wearing his marks of possession—a fact which shouldn’t have bothered him but did. He didn’t want to hurt her but he did want her wearing something that proved she was his.

  His eyes dropped involuntarily to the place where her name was burned into his chest. Lauren’s black hair covered most of the brand but he could still see a few loops of her signature through the silky strands. It doesn’t matter if she wears my name, he told himself. Because I wear hers. I belong to her—heart, body and soul. If this is what she wishes—for me to hold her, touch her—then that is what I will do. What I must do.

  He would learn control for her sake. He would touch her and kiss her and receive her caresses without allowing them to push him over the edge. And no matter how many times a day he had to slip into the bathroom and give himself a painful, private release, he would do it. Anything was better than hurting the female he loved.

  Anything.

  Chapter Twenty-one

  Nadiah’s own screams woke her. “No, no! Please let her go! Please! Please!”

  “Nadiah?” Sylvan was suddenly in the room with her, his piercing blue eyes scanning the shadows for threats. “What happened?”

  Sophia was right behind him. “I think she just had a bad dream.” She sat on the bed beside Nadiah and pulled her into her arms. “Hush, it’s okay. It’s all right now,” she murmured, patting her back.

  Nadiah clung to her, sobbing breathlessly. She hadn’t wanted to take the offer of a spare room in their suite for fear of intruding but now she was glad Sophia had pressed her to accept. “He’s torturing her,” she gasped, trying to breathe through her sobs. “He’s hurting her—sucking her dry.”

  “Who is torturing who?” Sylvan asked, coming to stand at the foot of the bed.

  “The evil one—he was wearing a hood and he had glowing red eyes. That was all I could see of him but he was torturing the girl who looks like Lauren. The one I saw in my last dream.” Nadiah blotted her eyes on a corner of the sheet and tried to catch her breath.

  “The AllFather.” Sylvan looked grim.

  “And you’re sure it wasn’t Lauren?” Sophia asked anxiously.

  Nadiah shook her head. “Definitely not. I got a good look at her face this time.” Just remembering the agonized expression on the poor girl’s face was enough to make her start crying again. Grimly, she tried to hold back the tears.

  “Did you see the giants again? The ones you saw in your other dream?” Sophia wanted to know.

  “No.” Nadiah blotted her eyes again. “Nothing like that. She wasn’t on Earth. She was inside a ship and there were wires running under her skin. She was attached to some kind of huge viewscreen. Images were flashing across it—terrible images.” She shivered. “I had the feeling they were her memories but twisted somehow. Made false and bitter.”

  “It sounds like what he did to Baird,” Sylvan said, frowning. “Projecting the memories and then twisting them into falsehoods.”

  “Is there anything we can do for her?” Sophia asked. �€