Targeted Read online

  “What is it?” she asked again, since he was silent. This time she used the mind-link that they had developed when they bonded. It allowed for greater intimacy and honesty—it was nearly impossible to lie through the link.

  “I have something to ask you. No, something to tell you,” he answered in the same way, looking into her eyes. “But I don’t know where to start.”

  “You said it had to do with our bond—start there,” Trin suggested.

  “All right…” He sank down on the couch beside her. “But what I have to say…you might not want to hear.”

  Her heart began to beat fast but she tried to keep a calm look on her face.

  “Whatever it is, I can handle it. We can handle it together.”

  He stroked her cheek and looked intently into her eyes for a moment, as though making sure she meant it. Then he nodded and began to speak aloud.

  “You know that Havoc males don’t usually rear their own young until the age of six cycles,” he began and Trin’s heart gave another lurch.

  “You said if I got pregnant you’d stay with me,” she reminded him, trying not to feel panicky. “That you’d help raise the child.”

  “And so I will. But it’s not if you get pregnant, baby—it’s when,” he said softly, squeezing her hands. “We know it’s going to happen eventually.” Which was true. According to a foretelling, Trin was supposed to carry a son who would be the father of a new race of Kindred, one that included both Havoc and human blood in the genetic mix. Since she herself was half human—her mother had chosen sperm from Earth to make her—it worked out perfectly. Or it would sometime in the future, anyway.

  “All right, yes, we know that,” she said steadily. “But what are you trying to tell me?”

  Thrace sighed and ran a hand through his thick blue-black hair.

  “Well, there’s a reason that Havoc males donate their seed and have their sons born from artificial wombs.”

  “Because most of them refuse to bond with females, right?” Trin asked. Oh Goddess, was he regretting bonding with her now?

  “Of course I’m not, baby.” He squeezed her hands again and she realized her worry must have come through their link clearly. “Just give me a minute to try and get this out—I swear nothing I’m telling you has anything to do with me leaving you.”

  “All right.” Trin squeezed back, feeling better. Since the awful time she’d spent at the temple on her home planet she needed a little more reassurance and comfort than she had in the past—which Thrace was more than happy to give. “Go on,” she said. “If it’s not their aversion to bonding then what is it? Why are all Havoc born from artificial wombs?”

  “Because not many females can survive carrying a Havoc fetus to term,” he said in a low voice. “They are incredibly strong, almost from the moment of conception, and very difficult for any female to carry. It’s a long and painful process and by the fourth quadmester, the female is often black and blue, bruised from the inside out by the baby’s kicking.”

  Trin looked at him uncertainly.

  “That… doesn’t sound like much fun.”

  “It’s not just that,” Thrace said grimly. “The birth itself is often filled with complications. Many females died during it. Also the infant mortality rate is very high—almost fifty percent.”

  “Fifty percent?” Trin couldn’t believe it. “Only half the babies survive? Really?”

  He nodded. “Some think it’s because of the Havoc genetic make-up. Our creator—who as you know was a Kindred himself—wanted to be certain we wouldn’t want to stay with a woman long enough to impregnate her.” He put his big hand on Trin’s flat belly. “But of course I want to stay with you and have a baby. You know that.”

  “I want that too—but how can we?” Trin asked. “It really sounds like the odds are against us.”

  “They don’t have to be. There is a way we can bring them back in our favor.” He looked at her earnestly. “It’s called a Deep Bonding and it’s something only Havoc are capable of—not even the Kindred have the ability.”

  “A Deep Bonding?” Trin frowned. “What is it? How does it work?”

  “If we do it, I’ll be able to give you some of my strength—not for everyday use—you won’t become stronger than all the other females on the ship,” he said quickly, correctly interpreting her uncertain look. “It’s more like a reserve of energy you can call on. It will help you withstand a pregnancy with my child much better.”

  “That sounds really good…but I can feel that there’s something about it you think will bother me.” Trin frowned, trying to read the emotions she could faintly sense coming through their link. “What is it?”

  Thrace sighed. “It will bind us even more tightly together, so much so that I won’t be able to survive without you. Our lives will be linked—you will be able to survive my death but I won’t live through yours. If you die, I’ll die as well.”

  “Oh, Thrace…” Trin was already shaking her head. “I don’t like that! What if something happens? An accident or some awful illness? I’ve already stolen a big chunk of your life when we bonded in the regular way.”

  “Not true.” He shook his head firmly. “You only took a little. Essentially, you lengthened your own lifespan to match mine. Listen, Trin…” He looked into her eyes intently. “Please don’t let the life-link part of it put you off. I love you and I honestly don’t want to live without you. If you died in childbirth, I wouldn’t want to go on.”

  “Well…” Trin tried to think objectively about it. On the one hand, they would be taking a big risk doing this. She was basically gambling that nothing bad would ever happen to her—that she would live a long life with no complications. And she was betting the highest stakes there were—the life of the man she loved and couldn’t live without.

  Thrace clearly heard what she was thinking.

  “We all gamble when we let ourselves fall in love, baby,” he murmured. “That’s not a big deal.”

  “It is to me,” Trin protested. She narrowed her eyes and looked at him. “But that’s not the only reason you’re worried I won’t like this idea—this ‘Deep Bonding’—is it?”

  The big Havoc sighed and rose off the couch, suddenly. He began to pace restlessly in front of her, his hand behind his back. There was still something clutched tight in his big fist but Trin couldn’t see what it was.

  “No,” he said at last. “There is…another reason. It has to do with the way the Deep Bonding is achieved.”

  “How is it done?” Trin looked at him, mystified.

  “Do you remember the dream you shared with me? The one I had after breathing the nightmare fumes at Lady Tam-Tam’s estate?”

  “Of course I do!” Trin shivered. “It was awful.” The dream she’d had was of Thrace’s old master trying to force him to give his loyalty and submit willingly to his sexual advances. Thrace had never budged, refusing to say the words of submission or to give himself willingly. It hadn’t mattered though—his master had taken him anyway in a manner brutal enough to turn Trin’s stomach. She still ached for Thrace when she thought of it—ached for the pain and horror he’d been through.

  “There was a reason my old master was trying to get me to say the words—to submit willingly while he…” Thrace swallowed hard and his broad shoulders were stiff. “While he took me. He knew, you see, about the Havoc’s ability to make a life-link with the Deep Bond. He knew if he could achieve that with me, he would double his own lifespan and gain the perfect bodyguard at the same time. Because in order to live myself, I would have had to keep him alive too, no matter what.”

  “You would have been tied to him forever—how awful!” Trin’s eyes widened.

  “Which is why I never gave in,” Thrace said grimly. “I knew I couldn’t kill him if I did and I wanted vengeance for my Sire…as well as for myself.”

  “He deserved everything he got,” Trin assured him. She knew what had happened of course—how Thrace had finally gotten free and ripped ou