Half Girlfriend Read online

  Rohan’s mother wants me to meet her friends for dinner tonight. Every night there is someone to meet. These guys are social, and how. I told her I should stay back because Rohan was not in town, but she said I have to come.

  Oh well, yet another party. Boring.

  10 July 2007

  Rohan travels all the time, and for a long time. He has just extended his trip by two weeks. I joined him for two days, and saw a bit of Istanbul. However, he’s in meetings all day and it is no fun to roam around all alone after a while. Besides, Rohan’s mom called me back. She was planning a party and the new daughter-in-law had to be there.

  ‘So pretty,’ one of her friends had said.

  ‘Good you brought a girl from India. They listen to you,’ said another.

  6 September 2007

  He came home drunk. He tried to hit me.

  ‘Why didn’t you take my call?’ he yelled.

  I was in music class. I had told him. I had messaged him right after.

  ‘It’s midnight, Rohan. What kind of business meetings happen so late?’

  ‘Shut the fuck up, bitch. What do you know about work?’

  ‘You will not talk to me like this.’

  I turned around and walked away from him.

  ‘You will not walk away from me like this.’

  ‘You learn to talk and I will stay put.’

  ‘I’m not drunk,’ he slurred.

  I turned to him. ‘For your information, I’m twenty. I was studying in college. I left it to marry you.’

  ‘You left it to live like a queen.’

  ‘Rohan,’ I said and paused to compose myself. ‘I had a good life in India, too.’

  ‘Somani Infra owned between three brothers versus my business? Girl, what are you comparing?’

  ‘I am not comparing anything. I want you to stop making me out to be this gold-digger.’

  He staggered and sat on the oversized grotesque sofa in the drawing room.

  ‘Sit,’ he said, patting the seat next to him.

  I complied.

  ‘Mom said you didn’t talk to her properly when you were leaving home today.’

  ‘Of course I did.’

  ‘Is she lying?’

  ‘I was late for class. She wanted me to go with her to the salon. I said we could go tomorrow.’

  ‘You don’t say that to my mother. Ever.’

  ‘I had a class, Rohan.’

  ‘What class? You haven’t even got admitted to a college.’

  ‘Yes, that’s next year. I have joined prep classes for music. It isn’t that easy to get admitted to one of these colleges. I’ve told you all this before.’

  Rohan went up to the bar. He picked up a bottle.

  ‘Stop,’ I said and tried to take the bottle from him.

  ‘What the fuck?’ Rohan said. ‘Let go. Now.’

  He pushed me hard. I lost my balance and slipped. He bent over me.

  ‘Don’t touch me,’ I said and pushed him away.

  I miss home. I miss college. I miss not being told how to speak to someone else’s mother.

  Good night, journal. It is a good thing you aren’t married.

  7 September 2007

  He has apologized. He said work stress was getting to him. ‘I have a long way to go, Riya, I am nothing compared to the big hotel moguls of the world.’

  ‘Why do you have to be a big hotel mogul?’ I said.

  But he began to speak of his mother. ‘She’s suffered a lot in life. My father did not treat her well. I want to be there for her.’

  Hangovers make him senti.

  14 January 2008

  Wear only Indian clothes. Can you believe this? This is what Rohan’s mom said to me today.

  ‘If it makes her happy, do it. What difference does it make?’ Rohan had said, as he chose from his two-dozen pairs of shoes this morning.

  ‘Why?’ I said. It isn’t like I don’t like Indian clothes. The point is, why does she get to tell me what to wear?

  ‘You can get the best Indian designer clothes. You want me to send the hotel concierge? He will take you to the boutiques.’

  ‘That’s not the point, Rohan,’ I said.

  ‘Stop fussing. Her friends have certain expectations of her bahu. You trudged in yesterday wearing a short dress.’

  ‘It was a regular dress, almost to my knees. Anyway, what if it was short? What is this? A family dress code?’

  He snapped his fingers at me.

  ‘Do it. Don’t argue.’

  This is what they call marital bliss, I guess.

  18 March 2008

  I made a mistake. A big, big mistake. I can’t be in denial anymore. I made a mistake marrying Rohan.

  11 June 2008

  He slapped me in front of his mother, thrice. She didn’t stop him. She kind of liked it. He even pulled my hair.

  Should I go into the details? I don’t think so. What is the point? Drunk husband, mother-in-law finding something to be pissed off about. This time it was about me seemingly ignoring her when she called me five times (I had headphones on, and was listening to my music tapes). Mother and son lectured me on how lucky I was, that Rohan was at least twenty times richer than my dad, and if I didn’t behave there would be consequences.

  But now comes the real news. Rohan was sleeping when his phone buzzed at 3 a.m. He didn’t wake up. It buzzed again. I feared if he woke up he would fight with me again. I was enjoying the night’s silence. So I walked up to the bedside table and picked up his phone to put it on silent. It buzzed again. A Whatsapp message flashed in the notifications. It was from someone called Kristin: Miss ur body honey. Wish I had u with me tonight.

  Kristin had sent pictures of her body too.

  I came back to bed. I didn’t feel bad. In fact, I felt light. I had to make a tough decision and that decision had just been made for me.

  Legible entry #5

  13 June 2008

  My marriage is over.

  I left London without telling anyone and came home. I landed in Delhi this morning. When I told Mom everything, she wanted me to take the next flight back, and she had to call Dad. I told her I had decided I was not going back, no matter what Dad said.

  ‘He seemed so nice,’ Dad said at dinner without looking at me.

  I explained Rohan to them. Rohan liked to conquer. Whether it is a hotel property or his wife, he liked the thrill of chasing more than what he chased.

  ‘I said no to him. He had to have me. Once he did, he didn’t care,’ I said.

  I skipped some stuff. I didn’t say how he used to force himself on me when he was drunk. I didn’t say anything about Rohan’s mother asking her son to teach me a lesson, or about Kristin.

  ‘Rohan’s mother controls him. And she doesn’t like me,’ is all I said.

  ‘Women have to learn to adjust, beta,’ my mother said.

  ‘Adjust? How does one adjust to violence?’

  I lifted my left hand to show her the swelling. Rohan had pushed me and I had broken my wrist.

  ‘What will people say?’ Mom blurted out.

  Let’s find out.

  Legible entry set #6

  17 February 2009

  Sometimes you need a knock on the head to come back to your senses. I received a hard knock today. I don’t know what happened to me yesterday. I kissed Madhav on the roof of his haveli. It made me forget reality. I started dreaming.

  And how the dream crashed. Just when those silly feelings of ‘this seems so right’ started to take root, Rani Sahiba brought me back to my senses.

  The signs were already there. How could I forget those disapproving glances from her in the living room? How idiotic of me to open up to her. Just because she was Madhav’s mom, I thought she would also accept my past like Madhav did? She fed me litti-chokha. It didn’t mean she liked me.

  ‘Are you the girl he was involved with in college?’ she asked me in the school staffroom today, when Madhav went to take his class. I didn’t know what to say. I