“You’re killing me, kiddo.” Isaac rubbed his temples as he faced my brother. “What else can I say?”

I knocked on the door frame. Isaac turned and Ansel glanced up, only to duck his head low again the moment he saw me.

“You the relief team?” Isaac asked, coming to the door.

I nodded, watching Ansel sit on the edge of the bed and stare at his shoes.

“Glad you’re here.” When Isaac approached me, he lowered his voice. “Tess is way better at this stuff than me. She always handles our houseguests.”

“I didn’t know there were bedrooms in the outpost,” I said, looking around the small, spartan room.

“When strike teams come in, they sometimes need multiple days to stage a mission,” Isaac said. “These are the quarters they use when they aren’t staying at the Academy. Plus the Reapers live here.”

“Right,” I said, before asking, “How is he?”

“He’s says he’s not in pain,” Isaac said. “But the kid is clearly distraught. I couldn’t get him to eat. I warmed up a stew for him. It’s on the nightstand. Maybe you’ll have better luck.”

“Thanks for staying with him,” I said.

“No problem,” Isaac said. “If you’re okay here, I should get back downstairs.”

“That’s fine,” I said, already walking past him.

I sat next to Ansel on the bed. He didn’t say anything. He was staring at his hands, which were cupped around something I couldn’t see.

“So you won’t eat?” I said, gesturing to the untouched bowl of stew.

“I’ll eat when I’m hungry,” he mumbled.

“I’ve been eating their food,” I said, trying to lighten my tone. “I swear it’s not poisoned.”

He didn’t laugh, but his hands opened as he shoved whatever he’d been holding into his pocket. It looked like a crumpled slip of paper.

“What’s that?” I frowned.

“Nothing.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “What do you want?”

“You’ve been through a lot,” I said, giving up light conversation. “You need to make sure you’re taking care of yourself.”

When I reached out to touch his shoulder, he jerked away.

“Don’t touch me.”

“Why not?” I asked carefully. “I’m so happy to see you, An. I’ve missed you.”

He laughed, but it was that awful tinny sound again. “Have you? I wouldn’t have guessed.”

I didn’t know what could relieve the painful gnawing in my gut spurred by the hollow sound of his words. “I had to leave.”

He didn’t respond.

“I had to. They weregoing to kill him.”

“They killed Mom,” he whispered.

“I know,” I said, choking on the words. “But the ceremony, An. They were going to make me kill Shay.”

“How many times are you going to tell me that?” Ansel asked softly. “It doesn’t make what happened to us right. You don’t know what they did. You weren’t there.”

He was dragging his fingernails over his wrists. I leaned closer and saw the raw red tracks he’d made. I grabbed his hand, jerking it away.

“Stop that!”

He laughed again. “Why should I?”

“I might not have been there, but I can see how much they hurt you.”

He shuddered, clutching at his stomach as though he were about to be ill. “It’s like I can still feel them tearing it out of me. I can’t stop remembering how they took it.”

His voice dropped to a whisper. “I can’t live like this.”

“Ansel, your life isn’t over. You’re still you—and I love you.” I gripped his hand in mine. “Please don’t hurt yourself.”

I couldn’t say that it didn’t matter that he’d been unmade. It would have been a lie. I knew what losing the wolf meant.

“We’ll find a way to make it better.”

“The only people who could make me whole again are the Searchers,” he said. “And they’ve already said they won’t. And the Keepers . . .”

“What they did to you is horrible, but you can’t give up. Please. You have to be strong for me. For Bryn.”

He scowled. “Even if Bryn isn’t dead, she’d be better off without me.”

“That’s not true.”

“She deserves someone who can be with her. If she were with me, she couldn’t be her true self. She needs a Guardian.”

“No, she doesn’t,” I said.

“How do you know that?”

“It hasn’t always been that way,” I said quietly.

“What are you talking about, Calla?” He looked at me, angry in a way I’d never seen before. He feels like he’s lost everything that matters.

“Because I found out that Searchers and Guardians have fallen in love before.” I squeezed his hand gently. “You don’t have to be a wolf to be worthy of love.”

He stared at me, disbelieving.

“It’s true. A long time ago,” I said. “We were allies . . . and sometimes more.”

“A long time ago.” I watched his eyes go flat, saw him giving up again.

“But I also know because I loved Shay.” My voice began to shake. “Even before I turned him.”