Losing Cannon before I ever really had him was the most painful thing in my small world.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Cannon

It had been a mere twenty-four hours since Allie had caught me with Paige.

That night had been perfect. After a grueling couple of days, I’d gone to Paige needing her sweet comfort. And it had felt so right, so amazing, that I couldn’t hold my feelings inside any longer. I’d told her I loved her.

It wasn’t something I had planned on telling her—fuck, it wasn’t even something I’d planned on admitting to myself—yet there it was. And she’d merely clung to me, enjoying the pleasure I delivered, but not once voicing her own feelings. But what had I expected? This was never supposed to be about love. She’d ridden out the pleasure, milking me, loving me with her body but never with her words.

Christ, taking her bareback was an experience I’d ever forget. The way she’d sighed and softly moaned my name when I entered her, the tight grip of her body strangling my cock, the way her restless hips had thrust toward mine every time I slid back . . . she was perfection. And then Allie found us together and everything had turned to shit.

Allie was beyond pissed, and maybe I should have felt guilty about that, but Paige and I were grown-ups. We knew the score when we started this. Shit, Paige was practically the one who’d seduced me. Told me there was no way she’d fall in love with me.

I guess she was right.

The truth was I’d wanted her since I laid eyes on her when she answered the door that first day. I would never have acted on it, though, if she hadn’t suggested we hook up. And if we’d never gone there, if I’d never gotten to hold her in the dark, never entered her tight, warm body, I wouldn’t be so utterly messed up right now. She’d wrecked me.

It was easy to tell myself I was staying with my mom because she needed me, but the truth was my decision was motivated by the need to give Paige some space.

“Earth to Cannon.” Peter waved his hand in front of my face.

Blinking, I looked up at him. We were halfway through a brutal twelve-hour night shift. Enjoying lunch at two in the morning would never seem natural to me. But at least I was sitting with Peter, who often brought levity to my life.

“You all right, buddy? You tuned out on me for a few minutes there.”

I nodded and picked up my fork. “Fine.”

Peter knew that I’d lost my stepdad last week. Bob had never felt like a dad to me, but he was a good man and he’d loved my mom, and that was good enough for me. His loss was devastating. Mom was cycling through the normal stages of grief, and I’d stayed with her every night just so she wasn’t alone. It had actually been nice. We ate together when I was home, and she did my laundry just like in the old days. I think it gave her some sense of purpose.

Peter laughed, pushing his tray away. “Bullshit. You’re not fine. And I’m not talking about losing Bob. That was horrible and hard on the whole family, I get that, but this is something else.”

Forcing down another bite of enchilada, I frowned. Enchiladas only made me think of Paige and her weird little dog. I wasn’t ready to admit to anyone how much I missed them.

“Why don’t you fill me in then, since you seem to think you know something I don’t,” I bit out.

“You’re hung up on Paige. I can see it.”

I raised my brows. This was not the conversation I expected to be having. “Not even close.”

“You’re falling for her. You speak fondly of her often, and you’re spacey when you’re here. It’s happening. The great Cannon Roth has fallen.”

Such bullshit . . .

Women threw themselves at me daily. Love was never even on my radar, and I had no plans to change that. My heart was like a steel trap, strong and certain. Sure, they could bounce on my cock for an hour, but saying good-bye was easy because my heart was never even on the table. My goals were singular, and I never pictured a woman by my side while I pursued them.

Period. End of story.

Until Paige . . .

I might have told her I was cursed when it came to sex, that women fell in love with me and then pursued me relentlessly after, but she’d proven me wrong. Paige wasn’t in love, wasn’t pursuing me. Shit, she hadn’t even said anything when I admitted I loved her. Not even a thank-you.

It was a hard truth to face that Peter was right. I was the one who had fallen for her.

Finishing up in silence, Peter and I grabbed our trays from the table, stowing our dishes in the proper bins and throwing our trash away.

“Doesn’t matter.” I heaved out a sigh. “I’ve submitted my application for a residency.”

“That’s huge news.” Peter grinned at me. “About damn time.”

When Dr. Ramirez offered to refer me to a hospital in Denver with a world-renowned cardiology program, I couldn’t say no to that opportunity. Having his guidance and knowing he believed in me was everything. And with things the way they were with Paige and my sister, leaving town sounded pretty fucking awesome.

As we headed from the hospital cafeteria, a heaviness settled over my chest. Having selected my path, I should have felt lighter and at ease after all these long months of uncertainty.

Instead, the reality of my situation was hitting hard. I had fallen for someone I couldn’t have, and now I was doing the only thing I could—flee.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Paige

A knock at the door surprised me. For a split second, I held out hope that maybe it was Cannon. Then I remembered he never knocked, aside from his first time. He had a key, not that he had used it in over a week.