How We Fell in Love: Grace and James's short story Read online

  “Sorry.”

  I wipe my face jerkily as a sob moves through my chest. “Just go.”

  “What?” James asks, his voice breaking. “You’re serious?”

  “James, seriously. You deserve someone who would be a good option two. I don’t even know if I’m a good option one, and I sure as hell didn’t know you wanted option two. Crap, a little heads-up would have been nice.”

  His eyes are panicked. “Grace, you’re the only option I want,” he pleads, and my heart can’t take it.

  “Please, just go.”

  “Grace, baby—”

  “No. Go,” I demand without looking at him.

  He doesn’t move, and neither do I. “Can I call you tomorrow?”

  “No,” I answer without thinking because it’s the only way to end this. Cut-and-dried. No pain. Just end it. “It’s better this way.”

  “I really believe you need a night to think this over before you throw this away,” he suggests, but I shake my head.

  “If I don’t end it now, you’ll stay with me, and you’ll see I’m no option at all. Then you’ll cheat, and I’ll be broken. At least this way, we’re both not too invested. I’m doing this for you.”

  “Grace—”

  “Just go, James. Please,” I say, wiping my face once more. When he doesn’t move, I shake my head, turning on my heel and heading for my room. I shut the door, locking it because I hear him coming toward it. I fall face first onto my bed as a sob rips from my soul.

  But dammit, my bed smells like him.

  “Grace, please don’t do this.”

  I ignore him.

  “I love you, and it’s okay that you don’t love me. You will.”

  “Just go,” I yell, and then I bury my face in the covers as my sobs fill the room. I don’t know why I’m crying. I wanted this. I pushed him away, but it hurts. It hurts so bad, but I refuse to let him hurt me when he realizes I’m not enough.

  A few minutes pass, and I roll onto my back, holding my stomach as I stare up at the blades of the fan. I inhale harshly, my whole body flushed and hurting with my sobs. When I hear a knock on the door, I close my eyes.

  “Please, James, go.”

  “It’s me.” My brother’s voice brings no comfort whatsoever. “You know you just fucked up, right?”

  I blink back my tears. “Please go.”

  “But, for real—”

  “No, Shea. Go. Just leave me alone!” I yell, and I hear him let out a long groan before he walks away. When silence fills my room, I welcome it. I crave it. But then the loneliness washes over me, and I miss James. I miss the feel of him. I miss the taste of him. I miss his words.

  I miss James.

  May 20th

  I sniffle loudly while I wipe away my tears with a tissue. As I stuff almonds into my mouth, a wave of nausea hits me, but I ignore it. I’ve been puking all day, and I’m pretty sure it’s because I miss James. Also, I’ve eaten a family-size bag of KitKats, all those almonds, along with a package of Chips Ahoy!, and then a box of Lucky Charms.

  All the things James got me.

  P.S. I Love You plays on the TV, and I’m blaming that for why I’m sobbing. Stupid love movie. Stupid husband for dying. Stupid cancer. This is why you don’t love someone; they always leave you. I lay my head on the pillow I’ve made with my blanket and sigh loudly as my lip wobbles from crying. I’m pitiful. When Brent cheated, I told myself that I needed to be done with guys. They do nothing but cause me issues, and those experiences are why I pushed James away. I’m not saying I shouldn’t have. I truly believe he is better off without me, but it sucks how much it hurts. How much I miss him.

  God, this sucks.

  My phone signals another call. From my mom. She’s worried sick, but I can’t with her right now. I’m hardly even speaking to Shea, and James hasn’t called or texted or emailed. Jackie has, though—to fire me just like I thought she would as soon as Shea dumped her. So yeah, that’s another reason I’m sitting here crying. I have no job, no money, and now no boyfriend.

  Why does this hurt so bad?

  I hear a bedroom door open and close. The sound makes me cringe, which is unusual because it means Shea is coming down the hall, and I should be happy about that. He’s my best friend. But right now, I just want to be alone. I feel him come up next to me, and out of the corner of my eye, I can see him. He’s looking down at me like I’m roadkill. I probably look like it too.

  “Hey, look.”

  I glance up, glaring, and he snaps a picture. “What the hell!”

  “James called to ask how you are. I figured picture evidence is better than me saying you’re a dumbass who’s slowly dying.”

  “I don’t like you.”

  “I know. I don’t think you like anyone right now. Not even yourself.” He sits down in his recliner, kicking it up. A wave of nausea hits me, and I lean over the chair, puking in my trash can.

  “Ew.”

  “Yeah, thanks,” I mumble as I puke some more.

  “Are you okay?”

  “I’m upset, and I won’t stop eating junk.”

  “Oh. Well, stop.”

  “No, I’m sad.”

  “Well, it’s your own damn fault.”

  I glare over at him, my body burning with anger. “Thanks.”

  “I’m just saying, Grace. You fucked up.”

  “Thanks again.”

  He isn’t listening to me. “Usually when someone tells you they love you, you’re supposed to say it back—or at least hug them and tell them you’ll get there. You two weren’t just fucking, and you know it. He loves you, Grace. Like, really loves you. And the thing is, I never even fathomed him hurting you. I think he is the one for you.”

  I snort. “Nope. No one is.”

  “Grace, why are you like this? I never saw you hurting him.”

  “Well, you saw wrong.” I don’t mean it. I didn’t want to hurt James. It was all just too much at once.

  “Why, Grace?”

  “Easy,” I say, looking over at him. “Mitchell, Roderick, Keith, and Brent—all the guys who have cheated on me because I wasn’t enough.”

  He sits silently for a minute, and my heart aches. “You deserve the world, Grace, because you’re more than enough. I get that a lot of bad guys have come around you. But James, he’s a real good guy. Wouldn’t hurt you. He’d only love you. Don’t you see that?”

  “If I did, I wouldn’t—” I pause to puke some more. I ignore the look on Shea’s face. I don’t need that right now. I don’t need this fucking conversation either. “Please just leave me here to die.”

  Shea’s phone signals with a text, and he looks down at it. He scoffs before holding his phone up to show me. It’s from James.

  James: She’s so gorgeous. I miss her. What can I do to fix this?

  My heart throbs in pain as I look at Shea. “What?”

  “What?” he asks. “Can’t you see the guy is hurting?”

  I shake my head, and then I’m puking again.

  “Grace, what the hell is wrong with you?”

  “I don’t know,” I say as I puke up all my almonds. “I just feel empty.”

  “I get that you’re sad, but that’s a lot of vomiting.”

  I shrug. “I’d say it’s a normal amount. I did eat a whole box of Lucky Charms. I poured the milk into the bag and went to town.”

  “Some would be disgusted by that. However, I’m proud to call you mine.”

  “Thank you.”

  “But for real, you’re not pregnant, are you?”

  My head whips up. “What? Why would you ask that?”

  “Because you’re puking like mad, and I know you’ve been sexually active. Also, you haven’t asked me to get you tampons. I know you ran out last month because you asked me get you some. But it weirds me out, so I didn’t.”

  I blink.

  He blinks.

  And then I puke.

  After a trip to the drugstore…

  The test in my han