Becoming the Whiskey Princess Read online

  Glancing at my mom’s stone, I fully expect to lose my mind crying, but I don’t.

  I smile.

  Ciara Lynn Reilly

  5-16-1970 to 5-25-2014

  The heart of Tomas.

  The best mom in the whole entire world to Amberlyn.

  Reading the words on the tombstone, my tears start to fall faster, but my grin remains. I’m drawing strength from Declan as he moves my hand into his other, while his hand moves up and down my back. Kissing my temple, he whispers, “That is the most amazing thing I have ever seen. When I die, do something like that for me, yes?”

  I shake my head, closing my eyes as I lean into him. “Please don’t leave me first. I couldn’t do it.”

  “Neither could I,” he says. “So let’s wait till we’re old and gray, yeah, and die together.”

  “Sounds like a plan,” I say, even though I know that is the silliest thing we could ever plan for. Life is the most uncertain thing in the world. One day things are great, next day they aren’t. One day you’re alive, the next you’re dead. There is no promise for the next breath. It can be taken from you in a blink of an eye. There is no guarantee.

  But in this moment, maybe I can hope that Declan and I will go together.

  Content and ready.

  Kissing me again, he says, “Ya gonna say hi to them? Wanna put the flowers down?”

  I nod silently as I walk closer, dropping to my knees as I crawl onto their graves. I know that it’s silly, but I feel closer doing this. I used to lie on my dad, so did my mom. We’d lie for hours the first year of his death; it’s morbid and silly, but it was comforting to us. And it is now.

  To my surprise though, Declan drops to his knees beside me and we go to work, brushing off the little bits of leaves and other debris that has gotten on their graves. Since the flowers are fresh, we leave them but add in mine, making the front of their graves so bright and vibrant.

  The day is dreary. It’s about to get supercold here, but that didn’t stop me from getting bright pink and blue flowers for my mom and orange ones for my dad. When I was younger, they were the ones we brought my dad. My mom used to say that it would make him laugh to know we girlied up his grave. It always made me happy then, and it doesn’t fail to do it again.

  “Hi Mom, Dad,” I say as I wipe away some bird poop on my mom’s grave with the rag I brought just for that. “Came to visit. Sorry, I didn’t come sooner. As you both know, I’ve moved to Ireland like you wanted, Mom.” My voice breaks a bit, and I swallow my sob as I go to clean my dad’s. As I scrub, I blink back my tears as Declan’s hand rests on the middle of my back. “Things are great. I’m going to school, I work for Shelia, and I met someone. His name is Declan. He’s here too.” I swallow around the lump in my throat as I continue to scrub. “I love him so damn much and things are moving fast, but we are getting married in two weeks,” I say as his hand comes up into my hair, cupping my neck. “I’m happy, he makes me happy, but I do miss you guys. So much.”

  I don’t know what I am expecting. For them to come out of their graves and wrap their arms around me? I don’t know, but soon I am crying as I wait for some kind of response. A butterfly, a rainbow, shit, anything. When nothing happens, I stand up quickly, leaving Declan at my feet.

  “I forgot something in the car. Be right back,” I say, turning quickly and heading to the car. I need to be alone. I need to pull it together.

  But Declan being Declan, he says, “Do ya want me to come, love?”

  I shake my head. “I’ll be one minute,” I call back as I rush to the car.

  Getting there, I collapse against the car and just cry. I cry so hard my body is shaking and my heart feels as if it is coming out of my chest. This was supposed to help. This was supposed to make me feel better, but all I feel is agony. Wiping my face, I reach in the car for my purse. I wasn’t lying when I said I had to get something. I figured I’d get it later, but here I am, pulling out the picture of Declan and me at the engagement party and then a picture of Shelia, Michael, and Fiona with a message from my aunt to my dad on the back.

  Wiping my face once more, I look back at where Declan sits on my parents’ graves, his hand on my mom’s tombstone. He’s talking to it. My brows come up as my eyes fill with tears once more. What is he doing?

  Heading for him, I wonder what he is saying, but before I can get there, the clouds part and the sun starts to shine down on me. I’m hot within seconds, and when I look up, two cardinals are sitting in the tree. My mom always said that cardinals were good luck. Is this my sign? Gooseflesh explodes over my body as I fight for breath. Am I really seeing this? Looking back at Declan, I go to call him, but he moves to my dad’s grave, putting his hand on his tombstone as he starts to speak.

  “I’m not worthy of her, not in the least, but I’ll love her. With everything inside me. I’ll care for her, make sure she’s never unhappy. When she wants to see yous two, I’ll bring her. I don’t know how I got lucky enough to meet her and then to fall in love with her, but I have and don’t plan on ever letting her go. I’ll do anything and everything to protect, provide, and love her for the rest of my life.” I cover my mouth with my hand as the two birds fly overhead, leaving me alone as I close my eyes, my tears rushing down my face. “I brought ya an O’Callaghan pin too. Everyone who joins our family gets one. Yous may not be here physically, but yer here in her heart, in my heart, and I promise to always keep yer memory alive, along with Amberlyn. Our wee little ones will know their grandda and grandma. And the wee ones after that. Yous will worry for her, I understand that, but ya have my word, as a man, I’m gonna love her and make her proud to be my wife.”

  “I’m already proud,” I finally say, and he turns to look at me, a grin on his face.

  “C’mere, love. Let’s sit a bit, yeah?”

  Coming to him, I drop down into his lap as he wraps his arms around my waist, kissing my jaw. Leaning forward, I set the picture of him and me on my mom’s stone and then the one of my aunt’s family on my dad’s. Leaning my head against his shoulder, a calm falls over me like the sun, warming Declan and me as we sit in contented silence.

  “I saw you talking to my mom. What did you say?”

  He smiles in my hair as he kisses my temple. “It’s a secret.”

  I smile moving my nose along his jaw. “Tell me.”

  “Ah, can’t say no to ya, can I?”

  I flash him a grin and he holds my face. “I asked her to help ya. To give ya a sense of peace, if she could. I know her not being here hurts ya, my love. Since I can’t fix it, maybe up there, she can figure out a way to help, ya know?”

  My lip wobbles as my throat burns with a sob and I nod. As much as I would love that, I also don’t want it to happen. I like the pain; it reminds me of what I’ve lost and to always cherish the life I have. To live it to the fullest and the greatest I can. To do that, I know I need Declan in my life. I have to let go of this fear that has me thinking he is going to change me.

  No one can change me but me.

  And Declan wouldn’t do that anyway.

  He loves me.

  He just told my mom and dad that.

  We leave the following day with everything that I wanted to bring home on its way. I also left with a pretty check for my family home. It was hard when my uncle handed it to me, but seeing him with his arm around his new wife and their child growing in her belly, I felt that my home was going to be filled with love the way it had been before. That my parents’ memory would still live on. At least I hope so.

  As much as I didn’t want to leave, Declan promised we’d come back soon, and that made me feel a little better. I knew that he had to get back to work and I needed to get Fiona a dress since the wedding is going to be here before we know it. There is so much to do, and I also have to deal with the fact that I don’t want to live with his family.

  I wish I could talk him into moving to the States, but being back did nothing for me. We were only gone a day and I missed Mayo so damn m