Becoming the Whiskey Princess Read online

“It’s a part of life, Amberlyn, to be scared. The other thing, I know it’s in there, the trust, the believing. Ya just have to find it again. It’s lost in the shitstorm my ma has caused. I can’t help ya find it; ya won’t let me. So go on, I’ll be waiting.”

  Tears stream down my face as I shake my head. I don’t want to be in a shitstorm without him. I want us to face it together, but why don’t I say that? What is wrong with me? Why am I so fucking scared?

  Clearing my throat, I close my eyes before glancing back at him, sucking in a deep breath. “Do I kiss you goodbye?”

  His eyes soften then. “Do you still want to?”

  “Declan, I still love you. More than anything. I’m just so fucking scared.”

  “There isn’t anything to be scared of, though. I’m not gonna to hurt ya, change ya, or anything else ya can come up with. I want only to love ya back.”

  A tear runs down my cheek, splashing against my hand. “I’m just scared.”

  Holding my gaze, he nods. “Fine, go on in there, then. Maybe Fiona can help ya with your fear since I can’t do shite, apparently.”

  “It isn’t that; it—”

  “Go on, Amberlyn,” he says, interrupting me. “I’ll be waiting.”

  “So you don’t even want to talk about it?”

  Looking back at me, he glares. “Amberlyn, do ya want to talk? ’Cause I’ve tried, and you want to leave. I bring ya here, and now ya want to talk? I don’t know what to do here, lass, and you aren’t helping me at all. Tell me what I have to do to make you feel better, to make this fear go away. I want you to be confident in us.”

  “I am.”

  “Then what do you want me to say?”

  “I don’t know,” I answer honestly because I don’t. I don’t know how to make this fear go away.

  “Sure. Then, go on with ya,” he says, shaking his head.

  I watch him for a moment, tears still streaming down my face as I try to figure out what to do. Do I leave? Do I stay? I have no clue. I’m so inexperienced when it comes to men, but I’m not stupid. I’m scared, and there has to be a reason for that.

  Biting my lip, I wipe my face before asking, “So do you want to kiss me goodbye?”

  Looking over at me, he just looks so sad. “Yer killing me, love.”

  “I know,” I answer with a slow nod.

  “But, I do. C’mere,” he says, his brogue thicker with all the emotion in his voice. Reaching for me, he holds my face for a second, his eyes searching mine. “This isn’t goodbye, though. You’ll go in there. Talk a bit with yer cousin and hopefully decide to believe me when I say I’m not gonna change ya.” Before I can say anything, his lips press against mine, my eyes drifting shut as we slowly kiss. I want to get lost in his kiss; I want to forget his mom altogether, but what if I’m right for feeling like this? What if I go upstairs and Fiona begs me to leave him?

  Will I?

  Could I?

  Pulling my mouth from his, I know it won’t be easy, but I need someone’s input. I need to talk to someone.

  But what I really need is my mom.

  Getting out of the car, I go to shut the door as Declan says, “I love you, Amberlyn.”

  Unable to look at him because I know if I do, I’ll lose it even more, I say, “I love you too.”

  I then shut the door and head to the front door. After I knock on it, Fiona opens the door and a huge grin comes over her sweet face. I must have pulled her from bed; she’s wearing sweats and a tee with her hair pulled up on her head. She looks a little pale and I worry she’s sick, but before I can ask, she looks at my bag and then back at me, her brows furrowed.

  “Oh no, what happened?”

  “Can I come in?”

  “Yeah, of course,” she says ushering me in, holding me close to her. “Yous didn’t break up, did ya?”

  I shake my head, my tears coming faster down my cheeks. Sitting on the couch, she takes my bag, throwing it on the floor before gathering me into her arms.

  “Now tell me what’s wrong?”

  I explain it all. How I feel like I don’t fit in, how his mom is always trying to make me into this person I’m not, how I found my mom’s picture in her study, and all about their past. Then about Declan and my fight.

  “He’s out there, waiting. Like a fucking gentleman, and it kills me, Fiona. But what if I’m making a mistake?”

  She nods, her head leaning on mine as she sucks in a deep breath. “But what if leaving him would be the biggest mistake of your life?”

  Hiccupping on a sob, I close my eyes. “I don’t want to leave him. I want to be with him, but I don’t want to be what they want me to be.”

  “Then don’t.”

  “It’s hard though. ‘Being an O’Callaghan, you have expectations,’ you’re the one who told me that from the beginning.”

  Pulling back, she looks at me, a grin forming on her lips. “And you’ve not become one of them. You are still the same girl you were when you came here, just more in love than anything.” Moving a piece of my hair out of eyes, she holds my gaze as she goes on, “What is a name, Amberlyn? Just ’cause that name is one thing doesn’t mean it’s you. He isn’t going to do that to you. He loves you too much.”

  “I’m just scared.”

  Holding me tightly, she whispers, “My dad once told me that fear is a liar. That it makes you believe something that isn’t true. Or something that will never even happen. Do you really, in your heart, believe that Declan would have you be anyone but who you want to be? Hasn’t he been the one changing? I mean, the Declan now versus the one before, whoa! And you? It’s easy to see you’re loved. You’re glowing. He wouldn’t dim that for nothing. He feeds off yer light. I mean ya ask him to move out of his house and he’s considering it; that’s huge since he wants to live there till his dying day, yeah?”

  “Considered it. He’s probably waiting for the moment to tell me he doesn’t want to go, and then it starts. I’m stuck in that damn house ’cause I’m not going to leave him. I love him. That’s probably why he wanted me to wait till after we were married. I’m not going anywhere, then!”

  Looking deep into my eyes, Fiona shakes her head. “Do ya really think that? I mean, everything I’ve seen, he’s bent over backwards to make sure you had, or he went against everything his parents said. He’s been doing that from the beginning. Is it really this, or is it because she did your ma dirty and you still don’t like her?”

  “It isn’t that I don—”

  “Ya don’t like the woman, and that’s fine. Who really likes their mother-in-law? Well, minus Kane’s ma; she’s a true sweetie.”

  I shrug as tears flood my eyes. “I don’t know. It just bothers me that she felt she needed to warn me of how Mr. O’Callaghan changed her.”

  “Did ya think maybe she isn’t happy and sees how happy you and Dec are? That she is losing her son to ya? Misery loves company, Amberlyn.”

  “I know,” I say with a nod. “But I don’t want to think of her as being deceptive like that.”

  “Well, don’t. But don’t hold Declan to it.”

  “No?” I ask. “What if it’s a sign to run?”

  “Would ya run?”

  I look at her with wide eyes. “I came to your house.”

  “’Cause ya knew I would tell ya to go back,” she says just as the door opens and Kane comes stomping in.

  “I smell like hell. Don’t come near me ’cause I’m going right back out.”

  “Didn’t plan on it,” she calls back at him. “Where ya off to?”

  “Well, since yer best friend and my best friend are fighting, I’m gonna go sit with mine and get smashed while yous two cry in ya ice cream or whatever ya lassies do,” he says as he rustles through the fridge.

  With a grin, she says, “Love ya, honey.”

  “Love ya too. Get yer head out yer arse there, Amberlyn,” he calls before going back out the door, slamming it behind him.

  Fiona grins over at me and says, “Ya know, I love tha