In the Crease (Assassins Book 11) Read online

  The baggage for the baby he so desperately wanted.

  She opened her eyes as she inhaled harshly. She had to know. Moving her head, she pulled back to look at him as he moved his head. “Jensen.”

  “Yeah?” he asked, meeting her gaze, and God, he looked so beautiful. So content, so relaxed, while she felt like she was coming out of her skin. But looking into his eyes, she felt herself calming a bit.

  Swallowing hard, she almost didn’t ask, but then she knew she had to. “I need to ask you something.”

  His eyes searched hers as his thumbs moved along her back, sending chills up her spine. “What’s that?”

  Her heart was pounding in her ears and making her head hurt, but if she didn’t ask, if she didn’t find out the truth, she was going to make herself crazy. “Why won’t you sleep with me?”

  Jensen’s mouth went dry.

  His heart rate picked up. It was beating so hard, he was sure she felt it as she held his gaze, slowly moving out of his arms and leaning into the island. “I mean, we’ve been doing this for two weeks, and we’re stalling at first base.”

  Crossing his arms over his chest, he backed into the counter as she slowly nodded. “I-I want—” He stopped, shaking his head, trying to get his words together. He sensed this wasn’t going to go smoothly. “I want to wait.”

  “Wait? For what?”

  “I want it to be right.”

  Her brows pulled together. “Right?”

  “Yeah,” he said, his gaze held hostage in hers. “I want it to be for real, as fucking girly as that sounds. I want it to mean something. I don’t want it to be because we’re both hot for each other and we get carried away. You mean more to me than that, and I refuse to just fuck for nothing.”

  “It wouldn’t be for nothing,” she said slowly, bringing her lip between her teeth.

  His head fell to the side. “So you love me?”

  She scrunched up her face, and his heart dropped to his gut. “People fuck without loving each other all the time.”

  “Exactly. They fuck, and I don’t want to fuck you, Wren. That isn’t how I work.”

  Her eyes darkened. “That’s dumb. If we want each other, what’s the problem? Do you not want me?”

  He swallowed hard, trying to keep his composure. “I want you more than I can even express, but you’ve been fucked by nothing but assholes. When I finally make love to you, I want you to know that it’s for real and that it’s forever.” When she rolled her eyes before she closed them, shaking her head, his blood started to boil. “When I told you I wanted to show you what it’s like to be treated well by a real man, I wasn’t kidding.” Opening her eyes, she met his heated gaze. “Even if it will require every ounce of restraint I have in my body to keep from taking that sweet ass in my hands and ruining you in a way that no man has ever been able to do.”

  She gasped slightly as she held his gaze, her eyes dark and annoyed. “I’m sorry, but you’re a man. If you wanted me, then you would take me. Men don’t have restraint when it comes to fucking. They think with their cocks.”

  Now he was pissed. “Do you not know me?”

  “I didn’t say that.”

  “But by saying that, you don’t. Because I’m not like other men, and my cock doesn’t run my life. I do. I decide what I want, and while I want you, I know I need to give you time to realize that I can want you without being inside you, before I let that happen.”

  “That’s insane. Take me if you want me, because I don’t believe that shit, and I want you. Bad.”

  Pushing off the counter, he dug his fingers into his palms as he stared down at her. “Wren, I’m not like those other fuckers. I respect you. I care for you. I want you without having to fuck you. I want you for who you are, not how fucking hot I assume your pussy is.”

  She was breathless as she looked up at him, heat in her eyes. “Or, you just can’t do it because you’re only doing this as a means to an end.”

  His eyes narrowed. “Excuse me? What does that mean?”

  Emotion flashed in her eyes as she stood in front of him. “It means that I’m your ticket to the kid you want, and you’re just staying with me until he comes and I get what I want, my money, before you’re out the fucking door.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me right now?” he roared. “That is the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever heard you say. And you know what? That hurts. I can’t believe you would think that.”

  But she was unaffected. “Have you made me think otherwise?”

  His mouth dropped open. “Wren, I tell you daily I think you’re beautiful. I yearn for you. My cock stays hard around you, but you’re trying to revert back to what you know. You know sex, you know how to do that because you don’t have to feel anything but good when a cock is deep inside of you. But what I want is you to realize my words are my promise, and everything I say is true. It’s hard for you, I get it, but I’m not going anywhere.”

  “You can’t say—”

  “I can! I don’t care if it pisses you off, but I won’t let you fuck your way through your feelings with me. I deserve better than that.”

  “I’m not trying to do that!”

  “You’re lying, Wren. I can see right through you.”

  “Whatever. This is bullshit.” She tried to walk away, but he stopped her, standing in front of her.

  “No, we’re talking this through.” She glared back at him as he started to speak. “Let’s rewind to that night we went to dinner before we got married. Did you want to sleep with me that night because we were getting married or because you wanted me naked?” She went to answer, but he stopped her. “Honestly. It won’t hurt my feelings.”

  She blinked and then shrugged. “I mean, I guess both. I wanted you naked, but I felt like maybe we should get it on.”

  “Get it on, not make love.”

  Her brow rose. “That’s dumb. No one makes love anymore, Jensen.”

  “I do. I make fucking love. I don’t fuck. I don’t use a girl to get off. I have sex with her because I want to please her. I want to make her yearn for me. Want more because she means something to me. Do I mean anything to you?”

  “Yes, of course,” she answered quickly. “I care for you.”

  “Do you like me?”

  Her eyes narrowed as annoyance filled her flushed face. “Yeah.”

  “Do you love me?”

  Her eyes widened as she looked away, unsure what to say. “I mean, no… I don’t know. Why? Why do words matter?”

  Wow, that stung, but before he could wallow in that, he yelled, “Because the words you’ve been given have been utter shit, and you don’t know what it’s like to use your words for good. To make someone feel good. To lift them up and make their days better.”

  “I don’t understand why we’re having this conversation. If you don’t want to fuck me, don’t.”

  “You’re right, I don’t want to fuck you. I want to make love to you. I want to hold you in my arms and tell you that when I look at you, I see a goddess. I see someone I can spend the rest of my life with—”

  Throwing her hands up, she exclaimed, “This was supposed to be fake!” It was as if she’d slapped him. His lips pressed together as her eyes filled with tears. “When I asked you to do this, Jensen, I said it would be fake. You’re the one who wanted it to be real.”

  He swallowed hard as he held her gaze. “You’re right, because it’s not fake for me. None of it. Everything I feel, everything I say, is fucking real, Wren.” Her lips snapped shut as she watched him stare back at her. “This was real the moment I asked you to marry me. And, Wren, I get it, sweetheart, I do. This scares the fuck out of you, but just think how scared I am. I’m investing every single ounce of myself in you with the hope that you don’t shatter me. I’m willing to risk a very long friendship with your brother, with your family, shit, even with mine, for you. So yeah, I don’t want to fuck you. I want to make love to you, and I refuse to do anything else but that.”

  Holdin