Mahashweta Read online

  Anupama could not share her agony even with Anand. She brooded constantly and prayed to God to save her from this ordeal. But the patch continued to grow, making her terrified of what the future held in store for her.

  One evening, when Girija was not at home and Radhakka was getting ready to attend a religious discourse, Anupama decided that it was the opportune time for her to visit the doctor. She said, ‘I would like to visit my friend in the hostel. I haven’t met her in a long time. I will see her and return soon.’

  Radhakka asked, ‘How will you go? I will be taking the car and the driver.’

  ‘Don’t worry. I can take a bus or an auto.’

  ‘Don’t go by bus. Take an auto and come back before it gets dark.’

  Anupama felt as if she had freed herself from a giant web. She immediately took an auto and soon reached the clinic of a famous dermatologist, Dr Rao, in the heart of the city. Fortunately, the doctor was in, and Anupama sat waiting for her turn with the other patients who had come before her.

  The clock ticked away mercilessly, and Anupama started to worry that she would not be able to reach home on time. She was beginning to wonder why the doctor was taking so long, when she was called in. The doctor was confident and sympathetic, and his reassuring voice stilled her fears. ‘Sit down. Don’t worry. Tell me, what is the problem?’

  Anupama hesitated for a moment, then raised her sari so that her foot was exposed, and showed him the white patch. Dr Rao tested it with a needle and ascertained that there was no loss of sensation there.

  His face was expressionless as he said, ‘You have vitiligo.’

  ‘What does that mean, doctor?’ asked Anupama, thinking it could be some minor problem.

  ‘It is also known as leukoderma.’

  Anupama could not stem the flow of her tears any longer.

  The doctor was aware that tiny white patches like that had ruined many marriages, shattered many hearts, broken many engagements. Most patients who learnt that they had leukoderma were overwhelmed by the social implications of their affliction. He did not try to stop her from crying—he felt it was the best way for her to cope with her tensions and fears.

  When she regained her composure, he said, ‘This is not an incurable condition. There are new medicines available in the market today. Before I write out the prescription, can I know a little bit of your family history? Does anybody in your family have vitiligo?’

  ‘My mother passed away when I was a child, so there is none whom I can ask. But I can’t think of anyone in the family who has had this. Doctor, is it hereditary?’

  ‘Not necessarily. Nothing had been proved as yet. ‘

  ‘Doctor, did this happen because my foot got burnt?’

  ‘No. That was just a coincidence. These patches may come anywhere, at any age. There is no explanation for them at all. Some women even get them during pregnancy.’

  Anupama wiped her tears. ‘Doctor, why did I get this?’ she asked.

  ‘I don’t have an answer to your question—in fact, no one can answer it. I will write out a prescription for you. Try it and see if it helps you.’

  ‘Do you think I’ll be cured within a month?’

  ‘Let me be frank with you,’ Dr Rao said. ‘Skin conditions do not get cured within a matter of days—the time frame varies from person to person. We will try to arrest it and see if we can stop it from spreading further. But I cannot assure you that you will be cured within a certain time.’

  Anupama’s heart sank as she rose to leave.

  Understanding her agony, the doctor continued, ‘Don’t lose courage. This is not a disease. It is caused by defective pigmentation of the skin. Face it boldly—anxiety and tensions may only aggravate it.’

  ‘Doctor, will you please keep my visit confidential?’ Anupama requested the doctor in a low tone.

  ‘Of course, it is my duty.’ He wrote the prescription and gave it to her saying, ‘This medicine is a solution. Apply it only on the affected area. Infrared rays are strongest in the morning. Expose this medicated patch to the sun’s rays for ten minutes. Repeat this procedure every alternate day, and then come back to me.’

  The consultation had taken almost an hour. She now understood why dermatologists spent such a long time with each patient.

  Anupama’s emotional condition worsened as the days passed, and she was utterly despondent. She was afraid to inform Anand about her condition, and worried about the consequences if she did not get cured. She followed the doctor’s instructions very carefully, but it was of no use.

  The doctor had tried to reassure her, and told her to be patient. Anupama wondered. . .even if she had endless patience would it solve her problems? What about the people around her? Every time she had to visit the doctor, she had to weave a big lie so that nobody would guess where she was going. . Anupama now felt as though there was a sharp sword hanging over her head. She was haunted by the fear that someone would find out her secret; and the harder she tried to conceal her problem, the larger the web of deceit grew. And so did the patch.

  She started wearing her sari much lower than before in order to hide the patch, and as a result at times even walking became difficult. Was she suffering now because of her karma, because of something she had done in her previous birth? Was her affliction the result of someone’s curse? She was no longer keen to call up Anand or write letters to him. Her wretchedness made her oblivious to everything else. She felt as though she was walking through a dark tunnel that had no end in sight.

  One evening, a few days later, Anupama conjured up a suitable lie and left to meet the doctor. Girija was away and Radhakka had gone to visit one of her friends, but when she reached her house she discovered that her friend was out of town. Radhakka decided to get some saffron from the bazaar on her way home, to add to the milk she drank before going to bed. While she was waiting in the car for the driver to fetch the saffron, Radhakka’s eyes accidentally fell on the board outside Dr. Rao’s clinic. Radhakka was under the impresion that those who visited dermatologists had venereal diseases. The very thought of those patients was distasteful to her. She was about to look away when she saw Anupama come out of the clinic.

  Radhakka was shocked. She could not believe that her daughter-in-law was visiting such a place, and that too, without her knowledge! She had always thought of her daughter-in-law as a simple and submissive girl. Anupama had never crossed her in any way, by word or deed, making this breach of confidence unbelievable.

  When the driver returned from his errand, she asked him to take her home immediately. Radhakka’s furiously pondered over what she should do next as she made her way back. She had an uncompromising nature and it did not take her long to arrive at a hard decision.

  Anupama reached home sometime later, completely unaware of what awaited her there. She walked up straight to her room and found a letter from Anand. He had written about British theatre—the constant innovations and the new plays that were being staged in different parts of the country, Globe Theatre in London and Shakespeare’s birthplace, Stratford-upon-Avon.

  Anupama, I am really busy coping with the workload at the hospital, but whenever I see anything beautiful, hear a sweet song, or smell a lovely flower, my mind flies back to you. I am counting the days to your arrival.

  ‘Anupama!’ Radhakka called out from downstairs.

  Anupama was so immersed in reading Anand’s letter that she did not hear her.

  Anu, life is so beautiful and interesting. I am sure you will enjoy every minute of it. By the way, how is avva? She may be harsh at times, but please don’t misunderstand her. For my sake, you should overlook all that. . .

  ‘Anupama!’ Radhakka’s voice was sharper this time, and Anupama started as it cut into her thoughts. She suddenly realized that something was wrong.

  ‘Yes, I’m coming,’ she called out as she reached the stairs.

  Radhakka was standing at the foot of the stairs. ‘Is your friend’s house in the market?’

  Anup