The Collected Short Stories of Roald Dahl Volume 2 Read online

  A year ago the doctor had said, "Shut your eyes. Now tell me whether I'm pushing this toe up or down."

  "Up," he had said.

  "And now?"

  "Down. No, up. I think it's up."

  It was peculiar that a neuro-surgeon should want to play with his toes.

  "Did I get them all right, doctor?"

  "You did very well."

  But that was a year ago. He had felt pretty good a year ago. The sort of things that happened now never used to happen then. Take, for example, just one item—the bathroom tap.

  Why was the hot tap in the bathroom on a different side this morning? That was a new one.

  It is not of the least importance, you understand, but it would be interesting to know why.

  Do you think she could have changed it over, taken a spanner and a pipe-wrench and sneaked in during the night and changed it over?

  Do you? Well—if you really want to know—yes. The way she'd been acting lately, she'd be quite capable of doing that.

  A strange and difficult woman, that's what she was. Mind you, she used not to be, but there's no doubt at all that right now she was as strange and difficult as they come. Especially at night.

  Yes, at night. That was the worst time of all—the night.

  Why, when he put out his right hand in bed at night, could his fingers not feel what they were touching? He had knocked over the lamp and she had woken up and then sat up suddenly while he was feeling for it on the floor in the dark.

  "What are you doing now?"

  "I knocked over the lamp. I'm sorry."

  "Oh Christ," she had said. "Yesterday it was the glass of water. What's the matter with you?"

  Once, the doctor had stroked the back of his hand with a feather, and he hadn't been able to feel that either. But he had felt it when the man scratched him with a pin.

  "Shut your eyes. No—you mustn't look. Shut them tight. Now tell me if this is hot or cold."

  "Hot.",, And this?"

  "Cold."

  "And this?"

  "Cold. I mean hot. Yes, it's hot, isn't it?"

  "That's right," the doctor had said. "You did very well."

  But that was a year ago.

  Why were the switches on the walls, just lately, always a few inches away from the well-remembered places when he felt for them in the dark?

  Don't think about it, he told himself. The only thing is not to think about it.

  And while we're on the subject, why did the walls of the living-room take on a slightly different shade of colour each day?

  Green and blue-green and blue; and sometimes—sometimes slowly swimming like colours seen through the heat-haze of a brazier.

  One by one, neatly, like index cards out of a machine, the little questions dropped.

  Whose face appeared for one second at the window during dinner? Whose eyes?

  "What are you staring at?"

  "Nothing," he had answered. "But it would be nice if we could draw the curtains, don't you think?

  "Robert, what were you staring at?"

  "Nothing,"

  "Why were you staring at the window like that?"

  "It would be nice if we could draw the curtains, don't you think?" he had answered.

  He was going past the place where he had heard the horse in the field and now he could hear it again; the breathing, the soft hoof thuds, and the crunch of grass-cropping that was like the noise of a man munching celery.

  "Hello old horse," he said, calling loud into the darkness. "Hello old horse over there."

  Suddenly he heard the footsteps behind him, slow, long-striding footsteps close behind, and he stopped. The footsteps stopped. He turned around, searching the darkness.

  "Good evening," he said, "You here again?"

  In the quiet that followed he could hear the wind moving the leaves in the hedge.

  "Are you going my way?" he said.

  Then he turned and walked on, the dog still pulling ahead, and the footsteps started after him again, but more softly now, as though the person were walking on toes.

  He stopped and turned again.

  "I can't see you," he said, "because it's so dark. Are you someone I know?"

  Again the silence, and the cool summer wind on his cheeks, and the dog tugging on the leash to get home.

  "All right," he called. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to. But remember I know you're there."

  Someone trying to be clever.

  Far away in the night, over to the west and very high, he heard the faint hum of an aeroplane. He stopped again, head up, listening.

  "Miles away," he said. "Won't come near here." But why, when one of them flew over the house, did everything inside him come to a stop, and his talking and what he was doing, while he sat or stood in a sort of paralysis waiting for the whistle-shriek of the bomb. That one after dinner this evening.

  "Why did you duck like that?" she asked, "Duck?"

  "Why did you duck? What are you ducking for?"

  "Duck?" he had said again. "I don't know what you mean."

  "I'll say you don't," she had answered, staring at him hard with those hard, blue-white eyes, the lids dropping slightly, as always when there was contempt. The drop of her eyelids was something beautiful to him, the half-closed eyes and the way the lids dropped and the eyes became hooded when her contempt was extreme.

  Yesterday, lying in bed in the early morning, when the noise of gunfire was just beginning far away down the valley, he had reached out with his left hand and touched her body for a little comfort.

  "What on earth are you doing?"

  "Nothing, dear."

  "You woke me up." m sorry."

  It would be a help if she would only let him lie closer to her in the early mornings when he began to hear the noise of gunfire.

  He would soon be home now. Around the last bend of the lane he could see a light glowing pink through the curtain of the living-room window, and he hurried forward to the gate and through it and up the path to the front door, the dog still pulling ahead.

  He stood on the porch, feeling around for the door-knob in the dark.

  It was on the right when he went out. He distinctly remembered it being on the right-hand side when he shut the door half an hour ago and went out.

  It couldn't be that she had changed that over too? Just to fox him? Taken a bag of tools and quickly changed it over to the other side while he was out walking the dog?

  He moved his hand over to the left—and the moment the fingers touched the knob, something small but violent exploded inside his head and with it a surge of fury and outrage and fear. He opened the door, shut it quickly behind him and shouted "Edna, are you there?"

  There was no answer so he shouted again, and this time she heard him.

  "What do you want now? You woke me up."

  "Come down here a moment, will you. I want to talk to you."

  "Oh for heaven's sake," she answered. "Be quiet and come on up."

  "Come here!" he shouted. "Come here at once!"

  "I'll be damned if I will. You come here."

  The man paused, head back, looking up the stairs into the dark of the second floor. He could see where the stair-rail curved to the left and went on up out of sight in the black towards the landing and if you went straight on across the landing you came to the bedroom, and it would be black in there too.

  "Edna!" he shouted. "Edna!"

  "Oh go to hell."

  He began to move slowly up the stairs, treading quietly, touching the stair-rail for guidance, up and around the lefthand curve into the dark above. At the top he took an extra step that wasn't there; but he was ready for it and there was no noise. He paused awhile then, listening, and he wasn't sure, but he thought he could hear the guns starting up again far away down the valley, heavy stuff mostly, seventy-fives and maybe a couple of mortars somewhere in the background.

  Across the landing now and through the open doorway—which was easy in the dark because he knew