Roald Dahl's Mischief and Mayhem Read online

  Puffin Books by Roald Dahl

  The BFG

  Boy: Tales of Childhood

  Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

  Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator

  Danny the Champion of the World

  Dirty Beasts

  The Enormous Crocodile

  Esio Trot

  Fantastic Mr. Fox

  George’s Marvelous Medicine

  The Giraffe and the Pelly and Me

  Going Solo

  James and the Giant Peach

  The Magic Finger

  Matilda

  The Minpins

  The Missing Golden Ticket and Other Splendiferous Secrets

  Revolting Rhymes

  The Twits

  The Vicar of Nibbleswicke

  The Witches

  The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar and Six More

  PUFFIN BOOKS

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  A Penguin Random House Company

  Published in Great Britain by Penguin Books Ltd., 2013

  First published in the United States by Puffin Books, an imprint of Penguin Young Readers Group, 2015

  Text copyright © 2013 by Roald Dahl Nominee Ltd

  Illustrations copyright © 2013 by Quentin Blake

  Extracts taken from: James and the Giant Peach first published 1961; Matilda first published 1988;

  Charlie and the Chocolate Factory first published 1964; Boy first published 1984;

  The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar and Six More first published 1977; The BFG first published 1982;

  The Enormous Crocodile first published 1978; George’s Marvellous Medicine first published 1981;

  Danny the Champion of the World first published 1975; The Witches first published 1983;

  Fantastic Mr Fox first published 1970; Revolting Rhymes first published 1982;

  The Twits first published 1980; Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator first published 1972

  Penguin supports copyright. Copyright fuels creativity, encourages diverse voices, promotes free speech, and creates a vibrant culture. Thank you for buying an authorized edition of this book and for complying with copyright laws by not reproducing, scanning, or distributing any part of it in any form without permission. You are supporting writers and allowing Penguin to continue to publish books for every reader.

  Puffin Books ISBN 978-0-698-16449-9

  Version_1

  Contents

  Also by Roald Dahl

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Introduction

  Sticky

  From James and the Giant Peach

  The Boby-Trapped Peach

  The Platinum-Blond Man

  Surprise Shampoo

  Augustus Gloop Goesup the Pipe

  The Hot Chocolate That Isn’t

  The Hat and the Superglue

  Sticky Rocket

  Spot the Mischief-Maker

  Gooey Questions

  Tricky

  The Matron

  The Really-Sweet Trick

  The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar

  A Quick Card Trick

  Capture

  Four Ways to Trick a Giant

  The Enormous Crocodile

  How to Disguise Yourself as a Coconut Tree

  Spot the Mischief-Maker

  Terrible Tricks

  Yucky

  BruceBogtrotter and the Cake

  Trick

  The Marvellous Plan

  A Recipe for Chocolate and Brussels Sprout Pie

  Goat’s Tobacco

  Super Poop

  Corkers

  The Bag of Stink

  Spot the Mischief-Maker

  What’s in Mr Twit’s Beard?

  Mischievous

  Into the Wood

  Poach an egg not a Pheasant

  Good-bye, Violet

  Turn Yourself into a Giant Blueberry

  The Recipe

  The Great Mouse Trick

  Boggis Chicken House

  How to Steal a Prehistoric Creature

  Spot the Mischief-Maker

  True or False?

  Simply Vile

  Little Red Riding Hood and the Wolf

  Red Riding Hoody

  The Glass Eye

  The Joke Eye

  The Frog

  Hedgehog Bed

  Something Nasty in the Lifts

  The Daring Plan to Trap a Vermicious Knid

  Spot the Mischief-Maker

  Vile Endings

  What?

  Answers

  Yes, you. Stop right there. Don’t move. Are you an adult? Oh, dear. I’m sorry. This book is absolutely NOT meant for you. Kindly close the pages and go and do something grown-up instead. (Perhaps you could make a roast dinner with a hundred vegetables or creosote a fence or something.) Off you go. Have they gone? Good. Hello, non-adult! This book is meant for YOU. But be warned. It contains mischief and mayhem of such extreme naughtiness that you will need the cunning of Fantastic Mr Fox and the cleverness of Matilda to continue. You’re cunning AND clever? Excellent. We’ll get along just fine. Now, read on.

  If you’ve bought, borrowed or been given this TRULY NAUGHTY book, then you surely already know of Roald Dahl. But, just in case you’re one of the 27 people on the planet who haven’t heard of him, let me tell you a little more.

  ROALD DAHL

  was ONE of

  THE BEST

  STORYTELLERS

  EVER.

  There. Done. I beg your pardon? You’d like to know even more than that? Well, why didn’t you say so?

  Roald Dahl was born in Wales in 1916 to Norwegian parents. He had four sisters. Sadly, both his father and his eldest sister died when he was very young. And then when he wasn’t much older – just nine years old – his mother sent him away to boarding school in England. Roald Dahl hated it so much that he pretended to have appendicitis so that he would be sent home. He was sent home.

  But when he was found out he was sent back to school again.

  In between detention and homework and being achingly homesick, Roald spent the rest of his school years trying to outwit his VERY STRICT teachers and the FORMIDABLE matron. And testing new chocolate bars for a VERY FAMOUS chocolate company. Luckily, he also loved making up stories. (He wrote it all down in a book called Boy, if you’d like to find out EVEN MORE.)

  The rest of Roald Dahl’s life is like something out of a storybook too. He worked in London, which was chilly, and Africa, which wasn’t. He flew fighter-planes in the Second World War, which was very scary. (Unfortunately, he crashed one in the desert, which was even scarier.) He was a spy. Shhhh. And THEN he became a writer. Phew.

  Roald Dahl wrote stories that were funny and amazing and scary and sad. There were unlikely heroes and fearsome villains. There were funny bits and not-so-funny bits and buckets and buckets of MISCHIEF. And MAYHEM.

  Don’t forget the mayhem. Was it his time at boarding school that turned him into a trickster? Was it his fabulously dark sense of humour? Was it just because he liked making people laugh? Who knows? Roald Dahl, that’s who.

  Perha