Shadow of the Moon Read online

  Lindsey looked at Brittany.

  Brittany smirked. “You might think you know how Connor kisses but you don’t. I guarantee he never kissed you the way he kisses me or you’d have never let him go.”

  Lindsey smiled. “Aren’t you glad I did, though?”

  Brittany nodded. “Yeah.”

  “It wasn’t because I didn’t think he was terrific, Brit,” Lindsey said. “That’s the reason I struggled with it so much. Connor’s great. He just wasn’t right for me.”

  “She really did struggle with her decision,” I said, then felt my own face heat up as three pairs of eyes came to bear on me. “I’m sorry. I don’t ever talk about the emotions that visit me—and I didn’t know it was you at the time, Lindsey. I just knew there were powerful doubt and guilt being felt by someone. I only figured out that it was you later when things ended up the way they did. And I just—I can feel now—an uncomfortableness. I think it’s between you and Brittany. I mean, who else is here, right? I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. I shouldn’t be trying to do this bonding cookie thing. I’m just going to go.”

  I started to turn away, but three nos echoed through the kitchen. Brittany was the one who grabbed my arm first, but Kayla was right behind her, taking the other one, and her remorse flowed into me.

  “Don’t leave,” Brittany said. “We can’t imagine what it is to be you. To know what everyone’s feeling. To hold our secrets.”

  “Not your secrets. I don’t know what you’re thinking. I just know what people feel. And the emotions hit me. I don’t always know who they’re attached to. But sometimes I can figure it out.”

  “So stay,” Kayla said. “We won’t do the stupid questions.”

  “I liked the question,” Brittany said. “I wondered what Daniel kissed like. We never kissed. So?”

  They released their grips on my arms. I almost ran. Instead I said, “Well, the question was what are your mate’s kisses like. And he’s not my mate.”

  “You’re not going to accept him?” Brittany asked as they steered me toward the island.

  “I don’t know.”

  Lindsey dumped cocoa into the saucepan. “Why not?”

  Brittany poured half a cup of milk into the pan before handing it to me along with a stick of margarine. I focused on unwrapping the stick of margarine. It was easier to talk when I wasn’t looking at them. “I’ve never…really spent any time with guys. I like him. I like him a lot. He’s bossy, but strong and sexy and nice.” I dropped the margarine into the pan before looking up. “How did you know your mate was your mate?”

  Kayla took the pan to the stove, set the heat on medium, and began stirring the ingredients to melt them. “I didn’t even know about mates when I met Lucas,” she said, “but wow, something about him really got to me. It was like no matter where he was I could feel him watching me. The depth of attraction I felt for him so fast scared me. I tried to ignore it, pretend it wasn’t there, but it was always simmering beneath the surface. As much as he scared me, not being with him scared me more.”

  “I always loved Connor,” Brittany said. “Since I don’t have the mate-for-life gene, I’m probably not the best one to explain how you know he’s your mate.”

  “But you knew you loved him,” Lindsey said.

  “Oh yeah. I lived for those moments when I saw him, when he spoke to me, when he just looked at me. I always felt warm and fuzzy if he gave me any attention. He could also piss me off quicker than anyone I knew. When he’d challenge my fighting ability—watch out.”

  “See, I didn’t get that with Connor,” Lindsey said. “Being with Connor was…pleasant. Enjoyable. Being with Rafe…scared the living crap out of me. Still does. Everything is just so intense.”

  I didn’t want to tell them that everything they’d experienced with their mates, I’d experienced with Daniel. It was so personal and private. But was it enough? Why couldn’t I just say he was the one?

  The mixture began to boil. Kayla removed it from the stove and carried it back to the island, where Brittany dumped three cups of oats, a cup of coconut, and a teaspoon of vanilla into the bowl. “Now the magic ingredient,” she said, and added a half teaspoon of imitation butter flavoring.

  Kayla poured the chocolate brew into the bowl and Lindsey stirred it. They worked as a team, each seeming to know what the other was going to do. And though they were trying to include me, I still felt slightly like an outsider.

  Brittany set a large cookie sheet covered in wax paper on the island and handed me two spoons. Lindsey set the bowl in the center of the island. We began spooning out the concoction and dropping it in little balls on the cookie sheet.

  “So what are you going to do about Daniel?” Brittany asked.

  “I don’t know. It’s kind of a moot point, really. I mean, I have to go through my first transformation alone. He can’t shift with me.”

  “That really sucks,” Brittany said. “What if you do die?”

  “As long as you guys kill that monster…” I shrugged, trying to pretend that it didn’t matter, that I wasn’t scared. I was so glad they couldn’t sense my emotions.

  I also realized that I’d managed to spend a little time with them without being overwhelmed by theirs.

  “So do we bake these or what?” I asked, wanting to turn the attention away from tomorrow night.

  “Nope,” Kayla said. “We just let them set.” She touched one with the tip of her finger. “Maybe five, ten minutes.”

  “That’s the reason we like them,” Lindsey said. “They’re easy and quick.”

  “We should have included you more often,” Brittany said quietly.

  She’d faced her full moon alone. Although I hadn’t been able to feel her emotions, I was certain she’d experienced fear and apprehension. Then disappointment when the moon arrived and left and she remained unchanged. Probably more than anyone, she understood what was going through me.

  “Here,” she said, taking a small plate and placing some of the cookies on it. “Why don’t you take some to Daniel?”

  And maybe have a few minutes alone with him in his room went unsaid. I felt myself blush again. I didn’t think I’d ever blushed so much in my life.

  “Thanks,” I said, taking the plate. “And thanks for letting me help with the cookies.”

  “Everything’s going to work out tomorrow night,” Kayla said.

  But I felt her doubts. Sometimes it sucked to be me.

  I gave them a brave smile and left the kitchen. Most of my time with them had been enjoyable. I wouldn’t mind hanging out with them again.

  I strode through the manor, passing tables of knickknacks that were hundreds of years old, artifacts of another time. Portraits of generations that had come before lined the wall. The manor was more like a museum than a home.

  As I went up the stairs, my heart began pounding and my palms grew sweaty. As much as I was anticipating seeing Daniel, I hated to think of him in pain. But that was preferable to what might happen if he shifted to heal and the harvester became aware of it. We didn’t even have aspirin around. A couple of Shifters were pediatricians. They came here during the summer and winter solstice to be on hand if any children got hurt. But once we’d had our full moon, we had no need for their services.

  I went down the hallway that led to Daniel’s room. I rapped lightly on the door. “Daniel?”

  He didn’t answer. I wondered if he was in a deep sleep. I didn’t think he’d ignore me. He’d said he didn’t blame me for what had happened.

  I knocked a little louder. “Daniel?”

  Again no answer. I pressed my ear to the door. I couldn’t hear any movement. What if he’d bled to death? Had the wound been that serious? I didn’t think so. But what did I know about wounds?

  No, he was probably just sound asleep. Should I disturb him? I didn’t have to wake him up. I could leave the cookies on the bedside table for him to find when he woke up.

  With my hand trembling in anticipation of seei