Out of Time Read online

  Her eyes narrowed with fury. “What do you think he did, Scott? What do weak men do to assert their control over women who resist them? They use their physical strength and force them.”

  Scott had paled, but his expression was still fierce and taut just like the rest of him. But it was a brittle tautness—one that seemed ready to crack. “He raped you.”

  It wasn’t a question, but she responded anyway. “Yes, Scott, he raped me. He was a weak misogynist pig who thought it made him strong to brutalize women. Unfortunately it’s not that uncommon. It was horrible and not something I’d ever want to go through again, but it’s behind me. Behind me—as in in the past. I got over it, and I don’t need you dredging it up and playing psychoanalyst or feeling sorry for me. But if it helps you understand why I believed he would hurt my sister and parents, then fine. I didn’t care about him hurting me, and he knew that—which is probably why he never tried it again.” Her smile was definitely on the malevolent side. “That and because I learned how to defend myself. I carried a small knife with me. If he’d tried again, I would have happily killed him.”

  He accepted her proclamation to commit murder as if it was the most natural thing in the world. “And I would have helped you bury the body.”

  He sounded serious. But Natalie knew Scott. He was too honorable for murder—no matter what the circumstances. He might have come close if given the chance, but in the end he would have given Mick over to the authorities just as he would have done with her.

  But behind his grim expression, Natalie could see the conflicting emotions that he was struggling to contain. Rage. Compassion. Helplessness. For a warrior like Scott, for a man who had to make life-and-death decisions almost every time he went to work and relished the role, she suspected the last was the hardest to accept. He wanted to do something but was realizing that there wasn’t anything he could do.

  She knew he wanted to say something to try to comfort her, but whether it was her warning not to try or the fact that he hated her, his lips were firmly pressed together.

  But he was too good of a guy—too inherently decent—not to say something. “I’m sorry.”

  She sensed he meant it and accepted the sentiment with her own nod. What he felt shouldn’t matter, but somehow it did.

  Realizing she’d peeled the label completely off the bottle of beer, she put it back down on the table. “Does beer go bad? I’m not sure how long it’s been in there.”

  But Scott wasn’t paying any attention to the beer; all his attention was focused on her.

  Natalie knew better than to try to discern his thoughts, but she tried anyway. It was an exercise in futility, but she suspected that given their conversation, he was trying to process what she’d told him.

  Had hearing her explanation moved him? She doubted it. His gaze was as hard and unyielding as it had been when they sat down. He was always hard and unyielding when it came to things like this. It wasn’t stubbornness as much as principles. There was right and there was wrong. To Scott there wasn’t a lot in between.

  Whatever her motivations, it didn’t change the fact that she’d lied to him and betrayed him every time she asked him a question—no matter how insignificant.

  She knew how his mind worked so she expected what came next. What to him would be the fatal flaw in her argument.

  “Even if what you say is true, you did have another choice. You could have come to me.”

  Natalie could feel the frustration bubble up inside her. He made it sound so simple. “Don’t you think I wanted to? I loved you, Scott.” His jaw clenched a little, but he didn’t otherwise react. “But I know you: Lieutenant Commander ‘By the Book’ Taylor? You have too much integrity to hide something like this. You would have gone right to the authorities, and I couldn’t take that chance. Not with my family’s lives at stake. You have far more trust in the system than I do. Although maybe you’ve seen the light on that.”

  “What is that supposed to mean?”

  Her gaze met his. “If you trust the system so much, why did you let everyone think you were killed, and—if the dark hair, stubble, and ‘Mr. Wilson’ are any indication—why are you still in hiding?”

  His jaw was clenched so tight that his lips were white. She could see he wanted to argue but also recognized that there was some truth to what she said.

  “You should have trusted me more than that, Nat. I would have protected you.”

  “Would you? I wasn’t sure that you wouldn’t lock me up yourself.”

  He drew back as if stung by the accusation. “How can you say that? You know I cared about you.”

  “I thought you did, but you never told me as much. You never told me you loved me.”

  She looked at his steely expression, but if she hoped he would say anything now, she was crazy.

  Maybe she should have been more sure, but what if she was wrong?

  She sighed heavily. Wearily. She was tired and this wasn’t an easy conversation. But it needed to be had. “I thought about confiding in you, but after you refused Kate’s request to visit her dying father—your biological father—I changed my mind.”

  His expression turned icy with irritation. The way it did every time the subject came up. “What the hell does he have to do with anything?”

  “You don’t exactly have a forgiving nature when it comes to people who don’t hold themselves to the same high standards as you do, Scott. I was lying to you—betraying you—far more than your biological father ever did. How could I trust that you would understand?” She gave him a wry smile. “The only reason I’m probably not in jail right now is because I’m pregnant.”

  * * *

  • • •

  She might be right, but that was because in the interim men had been killed. If she’d told him before the mission, he would have been pissed—okay, more than pissed—but he would have listened.

  He would have. But he wasn’t going to tell her that he’d been stupid enough to fall in love with her and would have done anything to keep her safe, including setting aside those supposed “principles” and risking the job and career that meant so much to him.

  Damn it, even now, he found himself being affected by her story more than he wanted to be. How could he believe anything out of her mouth? Was he going to let her make a fool of him again?

  But Scott had never seen her scared before as she had been when talking about her parents. Natalie had always seemed so cool and collected. The only times he’d ever seen a crack of vulnerability in that facade was when she’d cuddle up against him after making love and seemed to hold on a little too tightly or when he’d wanted to come out to command about their relationship. She’d freaked out, begging him not to. She’d said she couldn’t lose her job.

  At the time he hadn’t understood her panic, but in retrospect, it made sense. She’d thought Mick would blame her and was scared what he would do to her family.

  Mick. Scott’s fists tightened as his teeth clenched. The bastard was lucky he was dead. Scott would have taken him apart limb by limb if he’d known about the rape.

  Whatever else she might have been lying about, Scott believed her about that. Not only because that was what thugs like Mick did but also because of her “butt out of it, I don’t want to talk about it” reaction. It was the opposite of the vulnerable card she could have played if she’d wanted to make him feel sorry for her.

  Just thinking about what the bastard had done to her made Scott want to be sick, punch the wall, and hold her in his arms all at the same time.

  It was the latter that bothered him the most.

  He couldn’t let her get to him. But just looking at her was getting to him. She might not have wanted to play the vulnerable card, but there was something about the woman seated across from him that was bringing out his Galahad instincts. And it wasn’t just the jeans, T-shirt, and ponytail instead of glamorous DC