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Because they’d slept together already? Or because he was a bartender who couldn’t afford an apartment that allowed dogs? Or because he’d taken her to a diner instead of a fancy Brazilian steak place? Jesse didn’t want to ask.
“Come inside with me,” Colleen said suddenly, and then it no longer mattered what she’d meant.
* * *
Jesse was in her living room. Again. After a date, no less. Of course it had been a date. Why else would he have taken her to the shelter, then to eat? Colleen thought. It wasn’t like they were...friends.
She already knew how he tasted and smelled and the sound of his voice when he cried out during an orgasm. Now she knew so much more about him, and though she tried as hard as she could to think of something she didn’t like, there hadn’t been one thing today that had turned her off. If anything, the more time she spent with him, the better she liked him.
It was disgruntling.
“I don’t have anything stronger. Sorry.” She handed him a glass of brewed iced tea.
Jesse had made himself at home on her couch. He took the glass and set it on the table, on a coaster even. “That’s okay. Just because I work in a bar doesn’t mean I always have to have booze. This is good, actually.”
“I don’t drink,” Colleen said.
He smiled. “Yeah. I know. Except maybe once every long while, huh?”
Embarrassment stung the back of her neck and tips of her ears. “Kind of proved my point, didn’t it?”
“I don’t know,” Jesse said. “What’s the point?”
“You mean why I sit every Thursday night with a glass of whiskey and don’t drink it?” Colleen put her own glass on the table next to his and took a seat on the couch, though she kept a distance between them.
“The question had crossed my mind, yeah.” Jesse leaned forward to put his elbows on his knees, hands clasped. His gaze was earnest. Sincere. Open.
She didn’t want to tell him.
“It’s a way to prove something to myself, I guess. That I don’t need it.”
His brow furrowed. “Okay?”
“Thursday nights were the start of the weekend when I lived with my ex. He’d come home from work and have a beer or two while I got ready to go.” She paused, thinking. “Even if I was all ready to go. And then we’d go out to one of his favorite places. Usually Doc’s, but sometimes we’d have dinner, too. He was a fun drunk on Thursday nights. By Sunday afternoon, he was usually hurting and not as much fun.”
To give him credit, Jesse didn’t look appalled. He didn’t look too surprised, either. He probably saw a lot of that sort of drinking at The Fallen Angel. It wouldn’t even faze him, she thought, but that didn’t make the memories any easier.
“And you?” he asked carefully.
“I drank with him. To keep him company, at first. And then because he liked to tell me that I needed to loosen up and have a few so that I wasn’t so uptight. He was right about that, I guess. At least the more I drank, the easier it was to be with him.” She took a drink of iced tea, though she wasn’t thirsty. She gave Jesse a sideways look. “After a while, it got hard to tell if I drank to get along with him, or because I needed it as much as he did. That I needed booze to keep me from being uptight and controlling. Because having control and being controlling aren’t the same thing.”
“I know that.”
“So...I come in on Thursday nights and order that whiskey to prove to myself that I don’t need it. I don’t even really want it. And that night, that first night with you...”
“You drank it then.”
“I was upset,” she told him. “Steve had said some things that really hit home. You know how some people know exactly how to get to you? A word or two, right where it hurts?”
He nodded.
“Well, he did that to me, and I went to the Angel thinking I was going to let him win. I was going to drink and get loose and be everything he’d said I was. I don’t know why. I was worn down, I guess.” She frowned, hating herself for that. “I was stupid.”
“You are anything but stupid.” He reached for her hand, and she let him take it.
His fingers were strong and warm, and she couldn’t help thinking about how he’d made her feel when he touched her. With a shaky breath, Colleen squeezed his hand. “You barely know me.”
“I could get to know you.” He moved closer.
Then he was kissing her, which was what she’d wanted him to do all day long. Colleen opened her mouth for him, inviting his tongue. When he gave it to her, she put her hand on the back of his neck to hold him close. They kissed and kissed and kissed, until both were breathing hard and she had to pull away to get some air.
“You’re an amazing kisser, Colleen.”
Her first instinct was to scoff, but something stopped her. “I know.”
He didn’t laugh, which was good because she hadn’t been making a joke. With Jesse, she felt like an amazing kisser. She felt amazing, period.
He pushed some hair off her forehead, then let his hand rest on her shoulder. “I had a great time with you today.”
“I know,” she repeated softly, inching closer.
“You’re a lot of fun,” Jesse whispered as she fit herself against him. “You’re smart. And pretty. And so damned sexy.”
“I know, I know, I know,” Colleen continued and kissed him long and hard.
“I want to touch you.”
She smiled into his mouth. “I know.”
“I want to be inside you.”
Her breath hitched, cracking her answer, but even though the words were garbled, she was sure he understood them. “I...know.”
“Tell me to go, if you want me to, but...”
“Upstairs,” she told him. “Take me upstairs, Jesse, and fuck me until we both forget how to walk.”
Chapter Eight
“You’re in a good mood,” Diane observed, lifting an eyebrow. A familiar expression. She’d known Jesse for so long, yet seemed continuously capable of being surprised by the things he did.
He waited until Laila disappeared up the steps into his apartment before answering. “Had a good night.”
Diane, to give her credit, did not roll her eyes. She looked past him to make sure their daughter was out of hearing range, too. “What’s her name?”
“Can’t hide anything from my girls, can I?” Jesse reached to poke her arm, but Diane danced out of the way.
She frowned. Shit, she was upset? She never got jealous about his dates.
“I’m not your girl, obviously. So it is a woman. Laila said you had a new girlfriend.”
“I don’t. Yet.” Jesse eyed her, wondering how his daughter had figured it out and chalking it up to the fact she was genius-level smart. “But maybe I will, if I’m lucky.”
What’s it to you? was the unspoken question that would remain unsaid, because to put it into words would sound belligerent. It would prompt a fight, and he didn’t want that. Jesse shivered in the cold air, too aware of his bare feet and chest. He’d come down to answer the door in only a pair of jeans. He’d barely made it home in time to shower before it was time for Diane to drop off Laila, and by the way she was looking him over, he was guessing she’d figured that out.
“Edward and I are having some trouble,” Diane said. “That’s all.”
Jesse frowned. “Oh. Sorry to hear that.”
“Laila is going to take it hard if we break up, Jesse.”
“That bad, huh?” He meant the breakup, not his daughter’s reaction to it. He had an idea that Laila would be better about it than Diane expected.
“She needs stability.” Diane shot another glance over his shoulder. “Consistency. I’m just saying now might not be the best time for you to bring in someone new.”
It was his turn for an eyebrow lift. In the beginning, when they’d been kids trying to figure out how to be parents, he and Diane had argued a lot over stupid things. When they’d finally parted as a couple, agreeing it was better to be friend