Don’t Deny Me: Part Three Read online

  “It’s not the one closest to where I work. And yes, I made it on time, but that’s not the point.”

  “What is the point, Alice?” Mick cried, frustrated.

  She sighed again and was silent for a few seconds. “For you, this is fun. That’s all. Right? So it doesn’t much matter where we go or do, it’s all just … fun.”

  “It should be fun. Shouldn’t it?” He took a chance and moved closer to her. He didn’t touch her, but he was close enough to see her in the dark. “I’m not sure what the problem is. What’s wrong with fun?”

  “There’s nothing wrong with fun,” she said in a defeated, helpless tone he didn’t understand at all. “Fun is great. Fun is fun.”

  He tried again to hug her, and this time, she let him. Her body didn’t mold itself to his the way it usually did, but after a second or so she did put her arms around him. Mick buried his face in her hair, breathing deep. When her shoulders heaved, his heart sank.

  “I don’t want to make you cry, Alice. I’m sorry.”

  She didn’t answer him with words, but the shaking of her body told him more than he wanted to know. Mick held her closer, and again, she let him but it wasn’t the way it had been before. He pushed her gently away, gripping her upper arms, and tried to see her face through the shadows.

  “Don’t cry. Please.”

  She drew in a snuffling breath. “I’m okay.”

  “You’re not. C’mon, I don’t want to fight,” he said.

  “No. Me neither.”

  “That’s no fun,” he continued, trying to make a joke, to make light. Anything to keep this from going south.

  Her chuckle was halfhearted and waterlogged and a little strangled. “Right. Fun. This all should just be fun. Only fun.”

  It didn’t sound like she was agreeing with him, but he took it. “Yep. All fun, all the time. Okay?”

  “Sure,” Alice said. “All of this is just fun.”

  And then she hugged him hard enough to make him believe things were going to be all right.

  * * *

  Have fun at the beach without me. I’m going to miss you. You should have told me you had other plans, I would have changed mine.

  —Mick to Alice, unsent

  * * *

  Perfect beach weather. Sunny, bright, warm enough to make running into the still-chilly Atlantic waters worthwhile, but not hot enough to make you wish you were in hell, where it would be cooler. With a book and a beach towel and a new bikini, Alice was all set.

  The only thing missing, of course, was Mick.

  She’d met his family a few times, but he’d never met hers, so inviting him along on this vacation, no matter how sexy the prospect, had not been an option. The last place she wanted to introduce him to her parents was in the house where they’d have to be sharing a bed. And it was nice, too, to have time to herself to sit and relax and read and read and read. With Mick along, she’d have been go-karting and paddle boarding and body surfing, she was sure of it.

  There were advantages to time apart in a relationship. Ten years ago, Alice hadn’t known that and probably wouldn’t have believed anyone who’d tried to tell her so. She’d been convinced that being with the person you loved was necessary, like breathing, and being away from each other meant you ached and bled and gnashed your teeth. Well, she was older now, and if she wasn’t wiser, at least she was a little more self-aware.

  Her time at the beach was something she looked forward to every year and built her vacation time around. She’d never taken a boyfriend along. Either she hadn’t had one or whatever relationship she’d been in at the time hadn’t been the sort you brought around your family.

  Which sort, she wondered, was Mick?

  They hadn’t tossed around the words boyfriend and girlfriend. Maybe at thirty-three it was silly to label whatever they were doing that way. Or maybe they weren’t serious enough to be giving each other titles, she reminded herself. Maybe, she thought, they were just having fun.

  She should let it go, Alice told herself and took a long drink of lemonade to wash out the bitterness. She turned her face to the sun to soak in the golden glory. She was on vacation, dammit, and she wasn’t going to spoil it with any kind of angst and woe. Beside, didn’t she know better now than to expect more from Mick than whatever he had to offer. Hadn’t she learned her lesson about getting all worked up about something that didn’t have to be such a big deal?

  It wasn’t as though she’d never had a fuck buddy before. A casual lover. Friends with benefits. Oh, since Mick there’d been one or two serious relationships, one that had seemed destined for a white dress and a walk down the aisle, but it hadn’t worked out. And because there was a curse to being self-aware, Alice had to admit it was because that although Brad had been a great guy who treated her well and they’d had a lot in common, when it came to fireworks it might as well have been rain every Fourth of July.

  With Mick, it had always been fireworks.

  Things had been strained between them since the fight about her trip to the beach. Nothing she could point out specifically, but a pervasive tension that left every conversation tasting slightly sour. They’d spent the night together before she’d left for Rehoboth. Dinner. A movie. He’d put air in all her tires and filled her car with gas and changed all the fluids, though she’d told him that she was only driving to Wendy’s house and would make the rest of the trip with her and Raj and the kids. He’d insisted on doing it anyway, as well as updating her GPS even though it took forever and she would far rather have spent the time with him doing something more … fun.

  They’d had sex, of course. And it had been good. Better than that, amazing, really. Mick had spent an hour getting her off, three times before she’d begged him for a break. They’d slept tangled together and woke before dawn to make love again.

  When it came time for her to leave, Alice had kissed his mouth and clung to him, squeezing hard. “I’m going to miss you so much.”

  “Nah,” Mick said. “You’re going to be having too much fun. Me, too, at the lake. Before you know it, we’ll both be home.”

  It was not the reply she’d hoped for, though she’d be damned if she told him that. It shouldn’t grate at her, but it did. So much, in fact, that she’d turned off her ringer this morning and left her phone in a drawer instead of taking it with her. Too bad she couldn’t turn off her brain.

  Not even the sun could burn away the images of Mick in Alice’s mind. The salt breeze tickling the fringes on her bikini top reminded her of his questing fingers and oh, God, his tongue. The splash of chilly water on her thighs when she got up to test the water wasn’t any better. If anything, it only exacerbated the feeling of not having been touched by Mick in three long days.

  “I’m going to walk up to the boardwalk and get some fries. Wanna come along?” Alice asked Wendy, who’d spent an hour or so in the water, body surfing waves with the kids.

  “Hell, yes. And I think we need a beer. Or two.” Dripping and slightly sunburned, Wendy gave her husband a significant look. “Hold down the fort, it’s sister-bonding time.”

  “Can I come, Mama?”

  Wendy gave Mallory a fond look and tweaked her nose. “Nope, kiddo. Me and Auntie Alice are going to eat bad food, drink some grown-up drinks, and check out the cute lifeguards.”

  Mallory made a face. “Okay. Gross.”

  “Bring me back some fries, babe,” Raj said as Wendy leaned to give him a kiss. “Before you run off with a lifeguard, anyway.”

  Wendy laughed. “Sure thing, ding-a-ling.”

  Watching her sister bend to kiss her husband of nine years, Alice, for the first time, felt a pang of envy at her sister’s life. Sure, Wendy and Raj had their share of arguments, but her brother-in-law clearly adored his wife. And told her so, never making her have to guess, Alice thought, barely managing not to slice herself open on her own jealousy.

  “I’m glad you married Raj.”

  Wendy gave her a glance as they navigated the step