Moments of Disarray: An Alex Kennedy Story Read online

  “Because he’s married?”

  “Because if I lose Jamie as my friend, I have nothing left.” The words clipped out of him before he could stifle them. Alex focused on his plate, not looking at Luke.

  “He’s called you like, a million times. This isn’t a guy who’s going away, Alex.”

  Alex hunched his shoulders before forcing himself to sit up straight. He dragged his fork through the eggs and bacon on his plate, stabbing another bite but not taking it. He shook his head.

  “So. What about her? Anne.”

  “I thought it would be fun. Jamie said she wanted to be with two guys. It wasn’t the first time I’d ever been into something a little off-center that way. If anything, it felt like a great way to spend the summer. Getting laid. You know? That was all it was supposed to be.”

  “But it wasn’t?”

  Alex shook his head. “I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with her. She belongs to Jamie.”

  “You think anyone can ever really belong to someone else? That surprises me. I didn’t figure you for the possessive sort.” Luke ate another bite of sloppy breakfast, chewing with a small sound of appreciation that turned Alex toward him.

  Alex was, as he’d told Luke, totally capable of being faithful when he wanted to be. He’d also been the other man more than once, so it was obvious he didn’t have some medieval idea about romantic ownership, not that Luke would know any of that. “It was different with them.”

  “Because you love him. And you fell in love with her. The three of you couldn’t just work it out?”

  “No!” Alex recoiled.

  Luke didn’t look offended at the vehemence of his answer. “Why?”

  “Because…” Alex coughed into his fist, reluctant to put any of this into words. He’d spent so long trying not to think about it at all. He pictured his feelings as being buried under mounds of garbage, Luke handing him a shovel. He was going to have to dig, and hard, to get to the bottom. It was going to smell horrible. It might make him sick. No. It would definitely make him sick.

  “You love her?”

  “Yes. Shit. Yes. I do, I love her,” Alex answered in a strained voice. “But I’m no good for anyone else.”

  “Why do you keep saying that?” Luke put a hand on Alex’s shoulder, turning him on the bar stool so they faced each other.

  Alex looked into Luke’s eyes. “Because it’s the truth.”

  “You know one of the first things you said to me was that you weren’t ashamed of who you are. That you weren’t going to be the rationale for my self-hatred. But you hate yourself a lot, man. I don’t know why, but you do.” They’d both slid into sweatpants for breakfast but remained shirtless. Luke’s fingers squeezed gently before sliding down Alex’s bare arm.

  Alex’s skin goosepimpled under the touch. He had no answer, but then Luke had made a statement, not asked a question.

  “I don’t want to lose him.”

  “You were okay with losing her? Even though you love her?”

  “It wouldn’t have worked out for me and her, not in the long term. Not the way it started. I couldn’t hurt Jamie that way. I gave her up, so I wouldn’t have to lose him.”

  Luke nodded slowly. “But you’re going to, Alex, unless you can at least face him.”

  When Alex didn’t answer him, Luke leaned to kiss him on the mouth. He tasted of butter and jam, bacon and coffee. The kiss was brief, but sweet. When Luke moved to pull back, Alex grabbed his bicep and held it. They kissed again, harder this time.

  Still kissing, the two of them got off the barstools and managed to get to the bedroom. With both wearing only Luke’s sweatpants, it was easy to get naked. Luke took Alex’s stiffening cock in his hand, still kissing him. The other went to the small of Alex’s back. Their bodies met, hard cocks pressing between them.

  Luke broke the kiss to slide his teeth along Alex’s jaw, earning a moan. Then along his throat. He nipped lightly at Alex’s collarbones and dipped lower to sample one nipple, then the other. All the while, his hand stroked, stroked, palming the head of Alex’s cock. Moving down to his balls, then up the shaft again.

  “Fuck,” Luke said as he drew his fingertip over the swollen head of Alex’s prick to capture the silver bead of fluid gathered there. He tucked it into his mouth with a smile.

  The sight of that grin sent a flood of arousal through Alex, fierce enough to surprise him. Yeah, he was into Luke’s body, and the fucking they’d already done had been good enough for him to want more of it. But there was more here, whether Alex was willing to admit it or not, and the sensual way Luke tasted him was part of that. It was an intimacy he hadn’t felt for a while, and although Alex was a fan of the one-night stand, there was no denying that sex usually got better with familiarity and friendship.

  On the bed, Luke moved between Alex’s thighs. He took the thickness of Alex’s dick into his mouth, sucking gently and adding a flick of his tongue along the underside of the head. Fuck, that felt good, and once again, Alex was letting himself get lost inside the wonderful glow of sexual arousal. Desire could and would push away everything else, until it was all he had to think about and nothing else.

  He ran his hand over Luke’s head, seeking to dig his fingers into Luke’s hair, but of course he’d forgotten that it was too short. Alex satisfied himself with twisting his fingers into the bedsheets, instead. He lifted his hips, thrusting into the savory heat of Luke’s mouth. At the exploratory probe of Luke’s finger against his asshole, though, Alex tensed.

  “No?” Luke paused to murmur.

  “It’s fine. Just wasn’t expecting it.”

  “I’ve never done it,” Luke said after a second. “I’ll do my best.”

  Alex pushed onto his elbows to look down at the other man. “Lube. Lots of lube. And take your time.”

  “Got it.” Luke laughed and grabbed a bottle of lube from under the bed. That explained why Alex hadn’t found it when he was looking for the condoms.

  Alex lay back, closing his eyes. He was usually the one in charge, even if he was the one being done to instead of doing. He relaxed again into the pleasure.

  Luke’s slick finger pushed inside him, slowly. It wasn’t hitting him exactly right, not at first, but the mouth action on his cock was working just fine. Then Luke shifted his hand a little and yes, oh fuck.

  “There,” Alex gasped hoarsely. “Yeah. Fuck. Right there. Like that.”

  “Like this?” Luke curled his finger, pressing firmly against that magic spot.

  “Yes.” Alex rocked his hips.

  The pleasure rose, up and up. Luke hadn’t quite mastered the blowjob or ringing the back doorbell, but he was making a valiant effort at both. It was good and getting better. When the orgasm came, it was fast. Hard. Powerful. Alex cried out with it, a harsh, gravelled gasp that became a moan. Panting, he arched and fell back on the bed. Spent.

  He’d had a shit night’s sleep and an orgasm. Add that to a belly full of breakfast, and there was no real option. He was going to be the worst kind of inconsiderate lover and fall asleep without reciprocating.

  As he did, Alex was only half-aware of Luke moving up beside him to pull the sheets over them both. They didn’t spoon, but Luke’s big hand rested on Alex’s naked hip. Their feet touched.

  “You wouldn’t have nothing left,” Luke said, and then Alex was out.

  Chapter 12

  Alex woke, thank God not to screaming this time, but to the smell of something good and the sound of a country music song on low volume. He didn’t listen to much country, but he supposed he didn’t have to be familiar with the artist or the song to know what it was about. Cheating lover, broken heart, big ol’ truck. It seemed pretty standard.

  Luke turned from the small stove as Alex padded from the bedroom on bare feet. He’d dressed in his own clothes. He settled himself onto a bar stool.

  “I’m making burgers. Hope that’s okay?”

  “All we’ve done today is eat and fuck,” Alex said. “But hell ye