Pleasure and Purpose Read online

  "When necessary."

  With some alarm she watched his face tighten. Her words had upset him, somehow, and she didn't understand why. He let go of her hands, and she saw she'd lost him again.

  "You might make me some tea, now" was all he said, and so that was what she did.

  Chapter 3

  "Sinder's Arrow, man, you look fair busted." Alaric Dewan's blunt words made Edward look up from the mug of hot mulled cider he'd been studying and not drinking. Alaric slid onto the couch across from Edward, his long legs stretching out comfortably as he reclined, hands linked behind his head of blond curls. "Frankly, Edward, you look like you've been rode hard and put away wet, as our dear Cillian likes to say."

  "I haven't been sleeping." Edward sat back, forgetting the cider, which held no interest for him. The library at the palace was otherwise empty this time of day, and he'd sought a respite from the monotony of court to sit and think.

  Alaric lifted one pale gold brow. "How so?"

  Edward scrubbed at his face before answering. He hadn't bothered with a looking glass over the past few days, but if Alaric said he looked bad then he assuredly did, for Alaric was honest to a fault.

  "I've had much upon my thoughts" was what he finally said, more to appease Alaric than to reveal anything.

  "Oh?" Alaric leaned forward to snag a biscuit from the tray on the low table between them. He ate it as he did everything else— with unabashed pleasure and gusto. "How so? Allow me to venture a guess. Our dear Cillian?"

  Edward shrugged, unwilling to discuss his relationship with the prince. Alaric laughed. "He's been testing his dear papa again, aye? And therefore you. But there's something else, aye? Something at home?"

  Edward scowled, annoyed but not surprised at his friend's insight. "Why would you say that?"

  Alaric's shrug was too affected to be innocent. "Rumor has it you've secured a Handmaiden."

  Edward made a low noise deep in his throat. "The members of this court are lacking in activity if they have the time to discuss my private affairs."

  "So it's true?"

  Alaric's frown left Edward unmoved. "I've no time to constantly train housemaids to properly clean and take care of me. I wanted someone who'd come already prepared." Alaric snorted. "My good man, a Handmaiden is no housemaid."

  "I know that." Edward frowned harder. Alaric would insist on being deliberately obtuse.

  "But that's the only reason you sent for her? To clean your rooms and press your clothes?"

  Edward said nothing, refusing to respond to such a slyly made comment. Alaric reached over to flick the lace hanging in disarray from Edwards sleeve. "If so, she's been neglecting her duties."

  Edward yanked his sleeve from Alaric's all too nimble fingers. "I haven't been home in two days. I've been sleeping in my court apartment."

  "Why?" Alaric seemed genuinely puzzled.

  Annoyed at having to explain himself but knowing his friend would pester him until he gave an answer, Edward said, "Because Cillian's had need of me, and I find it easier to concentrate on my duties when I'm here."

  Because going home to Stillness meant giving in to temptation spurred by the time he spent watching Cillian live out his fantasies.

  Alaric settled back on the sofa, this time propping his feet on the table, heedless of the way his boots knocked the cider jug. "When you have a warm and willing woman at home, waiting to grant your every need? I should think you'd be eager to get home to that. Not to mention how much it costs you. . . ."

  "No more than any mistress would," Edward snapped. "And she expects nothing from me but what we've already contracted."

  "You mean she expects no emotional ties," Alaric said, voice quiet. Edward let out a curse and got up to pace in front of the fire. Having such a longtime friend had its disadvantages, particularly when that friend knew your past and how it affected your present.

  "There's no harm in admitting it, old man. It's well-known that you avoid such entanglements."

  "Unlike you," Edward said, turning, "who breaks hearts left and right?" Alaric's shrug wasn't forced this time. "I do my share of wooing and bedding, but I leave my lovers grateful for our time together, not weeping. Besides, it's also well-known that Alaric Dewan is an exquisite lover but heartless as well, and anyone who accepts my wooing does so knowing a fuck is all they'll get from me."

  "And you avoid liaisons with those who seek to change you?" Edward already knew the answer.

  "It's always to our mutual benefit," Alaric answered without shame. "My lovers know what I am. But at least I'm honest wit them, and they with me. And with ourselves, which is the most important part."

  "You think me dishonest with myself?" Edward would have gone to blows with another man over such a statement, but Alaric . . . well, Alaric had been his boon companion for long enough to earn the right to speak his mind.

  "I think you hide from yourself, Edward. Because of what happened back then." Edward stiffened, though he'd known where this conversation was going the moment it began. "That was a long time ago."

  "Aye, by the Void, eons ago, and yet you still haven't done more than take the occasional company of a doxy to ease your needs!" Alaric shook his head as though in wonder.

  "You're fair of face and form, with a well-filled purse and a good position in the court. Even if you seek not to ally yourself in marriage, surely you could set yourself up with a mistress?"

  Edward looked into the fire. "Even a mistress who claims she holds no aspirations eventually wants to claim more than a monthly allowance."

  "Unlike a Handmaiden, who is bound to provide service without reward." Edward nodded. From behind him, he heard the sound of scuffling and in the next moment felt Alaric's hand upon his shoulder. He looked at his friend.

  "It wasn't your fault," Alaric said gently. "You have to stop blaming yourself." Mere words would do nothing to alleviate the years-long guilt. "I was there, too, when she died. I've as much fault as Cillian."

  "You were a lad," said Alaric. "We all were. She was a whore—"

  "She was a woman!" Edwards gut clenched at the memory of how she'd smiled when he'd asked her name, and how she'd not given it.

  "She was rough trade and had been well used by many. Cillian has ever been one to push the limits." Alaric's fingers squeezed Edward's shoulder. "It was an accident."

  "Does that release me from blame?" Again, Edward looked at his friend. "I don't think so."

  Alaric hadn't been there that night. He didn't know what happened. Only Edward and Cillian knew, and one of them had gone mad from it and both became liars.

  "You're the only one who doesn't." Alaric gave another squeeze and stepped away. "Go home to your Handmaiden, Edward. Allow her to service you as is her duty, if for no other reason than you've paid for the right to accept it. Get some rest."

  "But Cillian—"

  "I've had it from good authority that our dear Cilly has drunk himself into a stupor on worm and is passed out on the lap of Per-sis Denviel, that prat. Even his father doesn't expect you to be with him every moment."

  Edward nodded, turning to face his friend and clasp his hand, having much to say but incapable of saying it. "You're right."

  Alaric put his hand over Edward's briefly before releasing it. "Aye, and if not, you're no farther away than a swift ride. Go home.

  Edward nodded. "I'll go."

  Alaric grinned. "And mayhap I'll visit you tomorrow . . . see for myself this Handmaiden. I've never seen one. What's she like?'

  "A woman," said Edward, thinking. "She's just like ... a woman. And though that answer didn't seem to satisfy Alaric, it was the only one he could give. Two days had passed, and she'd waited patiently, for true patience was its own reward. Yet there could be no denying how much better it was when the door opened and Edward strode in. He didn't ignore her, but he didn't approach her, either.

  "You've made a tangle of yourself," she reproached, watching him struggle with the laces at his cuffs. "Has no one attended yo