Lonesome Bride Read online

  "No. I never did."

  "Don't you think it's probably about time?” Sally asked. “He at least deserves to know about the baby."

  The baby. Caite placed her hands over her belly, knowing it was too soon to feel anything there. She was going to have a baby.

  "No,” she said stubbornly. “If he knows about the baby, then he'll just say it is his duty to marry me. I need to know he loves me before anything else."

  Sally sighed. “If that's what you want, Caite. I won't tell him anything."

  Fear gripped Caite. “What if it's too late? He swore he would never ask me to marry him again. What if I've thrown away every chance I had?"

  "I can't imagine him refusing you.” Sally smiled.

  Caite could. After everything they had gone through from their very first meeting, it was not difficult for her to imagine Jed's refusal. Their entire relationship, from the very start, had been based on misunderstanding and misconception. Why should anything be different now?

  "But I am so ugly!” Caite cried suddenly, recalling her peeling, blistered face.

  "He won't care,” Sally replied firmly. “Besides, he's seen you already, remember."

  "I ... I think I need to rest first,” Caite protested. She could not face him ... she just could not. What if Sally were wrong? What if he only wanted her for all the reasons he had listed, and not because he loved her after all?

  "Caitleen O'Neal, I've never seen two people more determined to deny their own feelings in my life. Not even Buck and I were this reluctant!"

  Caite breathed deeply. Smiling weakly at Sally, she nodded. “You're right, Sally. I'm being ridiculous."

  "Now, should I tell Jed to come in and see you?"

  Caite took another deep breath, then nodded firmly. “Yes. I'm ready to see him."

  "Good.” Sally got up. “I'll be right back."

  * * * *

  Everything was packed—his clothes, his weapons, and some rations to get him started until he could make the trip to Lonesome. Jed hefted the bundle onto Zeus’ back. It wasn't very heavy to be holding all he had in the world.

  "So you're really going,” Buck stated from the barn doorway.

  Jed didn't turn. “Yeah. I'm going."

  "You sure you want to travel in the dark?” Buck asked, coming closer.

  "I'll be fine, Pa,” Jed said, still busy with his preparations. He didn't really want to face the old man. He knew what he was going to say. “Old Zeus here knows the way better than I do."

  "You're running away, son,” Buck said gently.

  Now Jed turned. “I reckon that's none of your business."

  Buck sighed. “You knocked Shorty around pretty good, I saw."

  Jed shrugged. Why was it his father could always make him feel like a sullen schoolboy, caught with his hand in the cookie jar? “He didn't go easy on me either."

  "Jed, I didn't come out here to fight with you."

  "Then why did you come out here?” Jed wanted to get on the road and away from here. Before he lost all his pride and burst in on Caite, no matter whether she wanted to see him or not.

  "Son, I know you love her."

  Jed's back stiffened. “I don't know what you're talking about."

  Buck laughed softly. “Jed, this is your Pa who's talking to you. You can't fool me."

  "It doesn't matter how I feel about her,” Jed said sourly. “I reckon I've lost my chance with her anyway."

  "You don't know that."

  Jed, suddenly infuriated with his father's placid comments, turned. “Why'd you come out here, Pa? Just to tell me things I already know?"

  Buck shrugged. “I just want to see you happy, son."

  "I'll be happy when I've built my own place, with my own horses to raise."

  "It won't make you happy if you don't have someone to share it with,” Buck said quietly.

  "I'm not as lucky as you, I guess.” Jed swung up on Zeus, wanting only to get away. “I guess I haven't found that person."

  "I know how it was with you and Trish,” Buck said. “But that doesn't mean you can't try again..."

  "There's nothing to try!” Jed snapped, tugging on the reins to turn Zeus toward the door. “She doesn't want me. She told me that herself."

  "So what are you going to do?” Buck asked.

  "I'm going away to be alone."

  "You shouldn't have to be alone, son."

  "It seems I don't have much choice,” Jed retorted, and kicked Zeus out into the night.

  * * * *

  Caite's nerves were worn raw by the time Sally slipped back into the room. She glanced up expectantly, surprised to see the dark-haired woman instead of Jed standing there. Caite smiled in confusion.

  "Did you tell him I wanted to see him?” she asked.

  "I couldn't.” Sally chewed her lower lip.

  "Why not?” Now Caite was even more confused. Why was Sally looking at her so strangely?

  "He's gone,” Sally said.

  "Gone?” Caite cried. “Where?"

  "He packed his things and moved to his cabin,” Sally explained apologetically. “Lorna told me he seemed to think you would prefer him gone."

  Caite swallowed heavily. He must have been angry to hear she did not want to see him. But was that an excuse for him to run off like a spoiled child? For an instant, anger at him flared, but she forced it away. They had both behaved badly.

  "Then I shall just have to go to his cabin and tell him there,” she declared.

  She would take a chance. She would make things right.

  CHAPTER 17

  Jed reckoned he didn't know which would have been more miserable, the lumpy mattress or the cabin's rough plank floor. Now his eyes felt grainy and swollen, as if he'd been rubbing dirt into them. His entire body ached from the hard riding. He was exhausted, but now that the first light of dawn was in the sky, he couldn't sleep.

  Jed rolled to his other side, wincing as the straw jabbed him through a thin spot in the mattress. Despite having much more room this time around, the bed had been a sight more comfortable when he'd last slept in it. Not that he'd gotten much sleep, he recalled. The thought made him shift uncomfortably, every piece of stiff straw gouging him at once.

  He was thinking of Caitleen again. Blast it all, why couldn't he just shut her out of his mind? He rolled again, watching the embers in the fireplace glow. If she were here with him, it wouldn't matter how lumpy the mattress was, or how sore his muscles were. But she wasn't here, and there was no use torturing himself thinking about it.

  "Blue-eyed blazes and blast,” he swore softly.

  Maybe he should have forced himself into her room and told her how he felt. He should have just said it flat out, “Caitleen, I love you and want you to be my wife.” She might have said yes.

  Then again, it was more likely she would have slashed him down with one look from those emerald green daggers she had. No, he'd done right by riding off. She didn't have to hear his excuses, and he didn't have to risk her scorn. This cabin was just where he belonged. Why, then, did he feel so rotten?

  He hadn't even stayed to see if she was going to be all right. She would really think him a cad now. He shifted again, bits of straw piercing him all over like the pinch of a witch's fingers.

  It was easy enough to see there'd be no sleep for him. He might as well get up and make himself useful. The cabin was going to need a lot of work if he was going to make it livable. Jed sat up, scratching at all the places made itchy by the mattress. As he yawned and stretched, a glint of fire on the pillow caught his eye.

  Jed reached down and plucked up a long, fine strand of auburn hair. Caitleen's hair, on his pillow! It must have been there since they had sought their refuge from the storm.

  "Hell and blast!” he swore again, louder this time. He wanted to release the shimmering strand, but his fingers wouldn't open. Instead, his hand closed tight around it, as if it were a priceless treasure.

  He fancied he could smell lilacs, which he told himself wa