Unforgivable Read online

  “Nothing’s going on. Nothing much. I mean . . .” Alice coughed, incapable of lying to him. They’d been friends for too long. “We’ve been sort of seeing each other since the last party at Bernie’s, when we met.”

  Jay raised an eyebrow and squeezed her gently before letting go. He crossed his arms. “Uh-huh. And you didn’t tell me because . . . ?”

  “Because it’s really been . . . nothing.” This didn’t quite feel like a lie.

  “It doesn’t look like nothing. Alice, you should know better than to think you could keep something like that from me. Why would you, anyway? Shit, I tell you everything.” Jay frowned and took a peek in her weekend bag, then looked at her. “I’d go with the pale blue panties with the flowers, not those.”

  “I didn’t ask you!” With a swat and a laugh, Alice pushed him out of the way to get back to packing. She paused. “I like him, Jay. A lot.”

  Jay laughed. “Well, there’s a recipe for disaster, right there. Liking a guy. Who does that?”

  “Right, I’m stupid.” Alice shook her head and moved to the dresser to pull out a camisole she knew she’d never wear but was going to pack anyway, just in case. She tossed it into the bag, then sat on the edge of the bed to look at Jay. “So stupid.”

  “Yeah. Me too.” Jay flopped onto the bed, bouncing her.

  Alice curled up next to him, both their heads on the same pillow. Staring at the ceiling, she reached for his hand to link their fingers and squeeze. They stayed that way in silence for a bit, until finally Jay turned to push his face into her shoulder. Alice stroked his hair.

  “I’m totally in love with him,” Jay told her.

  “I know you are, honey.”

  “He makes me crazy.”

  Alice laughed. “I know that, too.”

  Jay pushed up to look at her face. “You don’t think he’s right for me.”

  “I never said that.” Alice twisted to face him. “I barely know him, to be honest. You haven’t brought him around a whole lot. I really haven’t had a chance to get to know him.”

  “You shouldn’t have moved so far away.” Jay frowned.

  “Oh, my God, Jay. An hour! I moved an hour away from you, and it was for a really good job!” Alice poked him, then tickled him until he squirmed away from her.

  He caught her hands, holding her still. “I miss you.”

  “I miss you, too,” Alice said. “Always. Of course.”

  Jay settled back against the pillows with a heavy sigh. “He mentioned last week that it was a pain to always have to bring his stuff in a bag to my place. The week before that, he bought me a toothbrush when we were out, because I forgot mine.”

  “How . . . sweet.”

  Jay laughed, but there was a hint of anxiety below the humor. “He hates my apartment. Says it’s too small and dark, too ‘vintage.’ His place is all bright and modern, much bigger . . . very spare. But there’s a lot more room in it. He’d never suggest he move into my place. Maybe I should get a new place. Something with a better kitchen.”

  “But you think he’s going to ask you to move in with him.” Alice thought about this. She’d never lived with a guy other than Jay, and that didn’t count. She’d had a few serious relationships, some that had definitely been in the “sleeping over” stage, but never any that had moved beyond that. She couldn’t quite imagine it, actually. Sharing her space with someone else on a permanent basis.

  “Yes. I mean . . . I hope so. I think so.”

  “Why this weekend?”

  Jay rolled onto his side to look at her. “Because Paul talks a lot about how important things should be accompanied by the right mood and stuff like that. And he freaking loves it at Bernie’s house. Once he told me it was the perfect place for a marriage proposal . . . oh. Shit. Shit, Alice!”

  Neither of them said anything for a minute or so.

  “He couldn’t,” Jay said finally.

  “No. I guess he couldn’t.” Alice frowned at the unfairness of that. “Not that.”

  Jay sat up and pulled his knees close to his chest, linking his fingers. “But moving in together. He could ask me to do that. I mean, when he asked me to be his boyfriend, he had a singing waiter bring me a bouquet of roses with a watch in a box attached. He said it was ‘time’ for us to ‘bloom.’”

  “He didn’t!” Alice burst into laughter. “Wow. That’s . . .”

  Jay shot her a sour look, and she sobered. “It’s romantic!”

  “It’s romantic.” She nodded. “And cheesy. But romantic, it’s romantic! Hey, you’re sure he’s going to show up, right? I hate to say it, but . . .”

  Jay made a face. “You think he’ll blow me off?”

  Paul had done it before. Lots of times. “I don’t care if you ride down with me, you know that, but I’m worried he won’t show and you’ll be stuck without a ride home.”

  “He’ll show. He has to,” Jay said. “This is the weekend he’s asking me to move in with him. I know it.”

  “I hope it’s everything you’re hoping for, Jay. That’s all.”

  Jay grinned. “Me too.”

  Alice shoved down the contents of her bag to make more room. Couldn’t. Took out a pair of sneakers she knew she wouldn’t wear and tossed them into the closet. She tried again to zip the bag, but couldn’t, and gave up with a sigh.

  “I’m nervous,” she admitted.

  “About seeing Mick?” Jay gently pushed her aside and started unpacking the bag, laying out everything in neat piles and refolding things that had become crumpled. “Look, I told you this before. You roll things, makes more room.”

  “Yes. About Mick.” Alice leaned against the dresser to watch him. Jay had paid his way through college by working as a flight attendant. He knew more about how to pack a week’s worth of clothes into a weekend bag than she ever could.

  He glanced at her. “Why?”

  “Because. We’ve talked almost every day and stuff, but this will be the first time I’ve seen him for longer than a few hours since the last time at Bernie’s.” She paused, trying to put her thoughts into words. “I don’t want to act like we’re a couple, if we’re not. And we haven’t talked about it. I mean, we aren’t sharing a room or anything like that.”

  “Have you slept with him yet?” Jay tightly rolled a sundress and tucked it in the bag.

  Heat flooded her at the memory of Mick’s hands and mouth on her. “No.”

  “You think you will this weekend?”

  She didn’t answer that, not right away, because the truth was Alice had no idea if she and Mick were going to have sex. They hadn’t talked about it, not specifically anyway, though of course she assumed he wanted to get into her panties as much as she wanted him in there. And it wasn’t like she believed in holding out for some reason, like putting a time stamp on when it was acceptable to finally get into bed together. It hadn’t happened yet because she and Mick lived far enough apart to have made their few face-to-face dates tricky enough to organize. They’d ended up meeting halfway, which meant a couple heavy duty kissing sessions in the backseat of his car, and there’d been the smoking hot make-out session on the stairs at Bernie’s. . . .

  “Earth to Alice.” Jay sounded annoyed. “Hello!”

  Alice gave him an apologetic smile. “I don’t know. First times should be special, you know?”

  “I’ve known you for a long time. It would not be your first time.”

  “You know what I mean,” Alice told him. “The first time for us. I’m not sure I want to do it in Bernie’s guest bedroom with everyone around. It should be . . . you know. Special. What?”

  Jay had given her such a stunned look, Alice was confused.

  “Oh. My. God,” he said. “You are totally fucked, Alice. You know that, right? Utterly and completely fucked.”

  “Why?” she cried, heart and stomach both twisting.

  “You’re in love with Mick!”

  “No.” Alice shook her head firmly. “No way. It’s too soon for that.�