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  “I’m Jay,” she said gently. “Your ex-wife.”

  CHAPTER FOUR

  HE WAS VERY STILL. Jay had the impression that she could feel him withdrawing, though he didn’t move a muscle. A surprisingly sharp pain bloomed inside, and she chided herself for it. What had she expected? He couldn’t get up and hug her, he couldn’t speak, and he was probably exhausted. She knew all that, yet she still had the feeling that he was pulling back from her. Did he resent being so dependent on her? Steve had always been aloof in a curious sort of way, holding people away from him. Or maybe he resented the fact that she was here with him now, rather than some impersonal nurse. After all, a certain degree of independence remained when the service was detached, done because it was a job. Personal service carried a price that couldn’t be paid in dollars, and Steve wouldn’t like that.

  She schooled her voice to a calmness she didn’t feel. “Do you have any more questions?”

  Two twitches. No.

  She had been pushed away so many times that she recognized it now, even as subtle and unspoken as the message was. It hurt. She closed her eyes, fighting for the control that would let her speak again. It was a moment before she managed it. “Do you want me to stay in here with you?”

  He was still for a long moment. Then his arm twitched. And twitched again. No.

  “All right. I won’t bother you again.” Her control was shot, her voice thin and taut. She didn’t wait to see if he made any response, but turned and walked out. She felt almost sick. Even now, it was an effort to walk out and leave him alone. She wanted to stay with him, protect him, fight for him. God, she would even take his pain on herself if she could. But he didn’t want her. He didn’t need her. She had been right all along in thinking that he wouldn’t appreciate her efforts on his behalf, but the pull she thought she had felt between them had been so strong that she had ignored her own good sense and let Frank talk her into staying.

  Well, at least she should let Frank know that her sojourn here was over, and that she would be leaving. Her problems hadn’t changed; she still had to find a new job. Digging a coin out of her purse, she found a pay phone and called the number Frank had given her. He hadn’t spent as much time at the hospital these past two days as he had before; in fact, he hadn’t been there at all that day.

  He answered promptly, and hearing his calm voice helped. “This is Jay. I wanted you to know that my job is over. Steve doesn’t want me to stay with him anymore.”

  “What?” He sounded startled. “How do you know?”

  “He told me.”

  “How in blue blazes did he do that? He can’t talk, and he can’t write. Major Lunning said he should still be pretty confused, anyway.”

  “He’s a lot better this morning. We worked out a system,” she explained tiredly. “I recite the alphabet, and he signals with his arm when I get to the letter he wants. He can spell out words and answer questions. One twitch means ‘Yes’ and two twitches means ‘No.’”

  “Have you told Major Lunning?” Frank asked sharply.

  “No, I haven’t seen him. I just wanted to let you know that Steve doesn’t want me with him.”

  “Have Lunning paged. I want to talk to him. Now.”

  For such a pleasant man, Frank could be commanding when he chose, Jay thought as she went to the nurses’ station and requested that Major Lunning be paged. It was five minutes before he appeared, looking tired and rumpled, and dressed in surgicals. He listened to Jay, then, without a word, walked to the pay phone and talked quietly to Frank. She couldn’t make out what he was saying, but when he hung up he called a nurse and went directly into Steve’s room.

  Jay waited in the hallway, struggling to handle her feelings. Though she knew Steve and had expected this, it still hurt. It hurt more now than it had when they had divorced. She felt oddly…betrayed, and bereft, as if she had lost part of herself, and she hadn’t felt that way before. She hadn’t felt so strongly connected to him before. Well, this was just another classic example of her own intensity leading her to read things into a situation that simply weren’t there. Would she ever learn?

  Major Lunning was in Steve’s room a long time, and a phalanx of nurses came and went. Within half an hour Frank arrived, his face taut and set. He squeezed Jay’s arm comfortingly as he went past, but he didn’t stop to talk. He, too, disappeared into Steve’s room, as if something dreadfully important were going on in there.

  Jay moved to the visitors’ lounge, sitting quietly with her hands folded in her lap while she tried to plan what she should do next. Return to New York, obviously, and get a job. But the idea of hurling herself back into the business world left her cold. She didn’t want to go back. She didn’t want to leave Steve. Even now, she didn’t want to leave him.

  Almost an hour later Frank found her in the lounge. He looked at her sharply before going to the coffee machine and buying two cups. Jay looked up and managed a smile for him as he approached. “Do I really look as if I need that?” she asked wryly, nodding toward the coffee.

  He extended a cup toward her. “I know. It tastes worse than it looks. Drink it anyway. If you don’t need it now, you will in a minute.”

  She took the cup and sipped the hot liquid, grimacing at the taste. It was a mystery how anyone could take simple water and coffee and make them taste so horrible. “Why will I need it in a minute? It’s over, isn’t it? Steve told me to go away. It’s obvious that he doesn’t want me here, so my presence will only upset him and slow his recovery.”

  “It isn’t over,” Frank said, looking down at his own coffee, and his flat tone made Jay look at him sharply. He looked haggard, with worry etching new lines into his face.

  A cold chill ran down her spine and she sat up straight. “What’s wrong?” she asked. “Has he relapsed?”

  “No.”

  “Then what’s wrong?”

  “He doesn’t remember,” Frank said simply. “Anything. He has amnesia.”

  FRANK HAD BEEN RIGHT; she did need the coffee. She drank that cup, then got another one. Her head was reeling, and she felt as if she’d been punched in the stomach. “What else can go wrong?” she asked, talking mostly to herself, but Frank knew what she meant.

  He sighed. They hadn’t counted on this. They had needed him awake, able to talk, able to understand what needed to be done. This latest development had thrown a monkey wrench into the whole plan. He didn’t even know who he was! How could he protect himself if he didn’t know who he had to be on guard against? He couldn’t recognize friends or enemies.

  “He’s been asking for you,” Frank said, taking her hand. She started, already rising to her feet, but he tugged on her hand and she sank back into her chair. “We’ve been asking him a lot of questions,” he continued. “We used your system, though it takes a while. When you told him you were his ex-wife, it confused him, scared him. He couldn’t remember you, and he didn’t know what to do. Remember, he’s still easily confused. It’s hard for him to concentrate, though he’s getting better fast.”

  “Are you certain he’s asking for me?” Jay asked, her heart pounding. Out of everything he had said, her emotions had centered on his first sentence.

  “Yes. He spelled out your name over and over.”

  The instinct to go to him was so strong it was almost painful. She forced herself to sit still, to understand more. “He has total amnesia? He doesn’t remember anything?”

  “He doesn’t even know his own name.” Frank sighed again, a heavy sound. “He doesn’t remember anything about the explosion or why he was there. Nothing. A total blank. Damn it!” The last expressed his helpless frustration.

  “What does Major Lunning think?”

  “He said total amnesia is extremely rare. More often it’s a sort of spot amnesia that blocks out the accident itself and anything that happened a short while before it. With the head trauma Steve suffered, amnesia wasn’t that unexpected, but this…” He made a helpless gesture.

  She tried to think