White Lies Read online

  Fury burst in her again and she swung at him. He jerked his head back in time to escape her fist, but the wet cap she held in her hand swiped his face with enough force to sting. Like a stroke of lightning she was flat on her back again. From between gritted teeth he said, “One more time and you’ll eat standing up for a month!”

  She blazed back at him: “You just try it! When I woke up and couldn’t find you, I was worried you might be hurt, so I came looking for you. Then you started showing off with your Super Spy tricks, not letting me find you, until I got fed up and started back to the cabin. Then you knocked me down and pulled a knife on me, and yelled at me! You deserved to get hit with a stick!”

  He glared down at her, taking in her tumbled hair and fierce blue eyes, and the stubborn set of those luscious lips. He swore under his breath and thrust his fingers into the honey-brown strands, holding her still while he ground his mouth against hers. His kiss was half angry and half starving. He was suddenly wild to feel her lips, to put his tongue inside her mouth and taste her. She kicked at him, and he moved swiftly, kneeing her legs apart and settling himself between them, his weight crushing her into the snow.

  Jay groaned, and his tongue thrust into her mouth. Suddenly she felt on fire, as her fury turned into a different, white-hot passion. Her hands were in his hair, digging into his scalp as she returned his kiss as fiercely as he gave it. His hips rubbed against her in primal rhythm, thrusting as if to deny the sturdy denim between them, and her blood felt like lava.

  Roughly he opened her thick coat and shoved the edges aside, his hands covering her breasts, but still she was protected from him by her shirt and bra, and the contact wasn’t enough. He jerked at her shirt, popping three of the buttons off to be lost in the snow, and opened it, too. The cold air rushed at her and she cried out, but the sound was caught in his mouth. Her bra had a front hook; he handled it easily and peeled the thin cups away from her white, swollen breasts. Her nipples were hard and tight from the cold, stabbing into his palms when he put his hands over them.

  He lifted his head. “Let me inside you,” he rasped. “Now.” The need was riding him hard, just the way he wanted to ride her. He put his hot mouth over a pouting nipple and sucked strongly at it, rolling it around with his tongue and listening to the incoherent sounds of pleasure she made.

  Jay thought she might die from wanting him, even though he had scared her and hurt her; even though he’d made her angrier than she could ever remember feeling at another human being. He’d loosed the passion that had always been in her nature, torn it out of her control. Her hands were shaking, her entire body was shaking, and she wanted more.

  He lifted his mouth from her breast, and the shock of the cold air on her wet flesh was so painful she whimpered. Their eyes met, hers wide and dazed with the sudden passion, his narrow and burning, and she knew what he wanted, knew he was silently waiting for her permission. She knew that if she made the slightest sign of acquiescence he would take her there, in the cold and snow, and her entire body throbbed with the need to let him do just that. She started to whisper his name; then terror washed over her like freezing water and she stared up at his hard face as he waited for her answer. She didn’t know his name! She could call him Steve, but he wasn’t Steve. His face wasn’t Steve’s. She knew him and loved him, but he was a stranger.

  He found his answer in the sudden rigidity of her body beneath him. He swore viciously as he got to his feet, one hand rubbing the back of his neck as if that could relieve his physical tension. Jay fumbled with her shirt, trying to draw the edges together, but the buttons were gone and her hands were shaking too badly, so finally she just fastened her coat and got to her feet. She had been burning up only moments before, but now she was freezing. She was covered with snow. She shook it out of her hair and dusted it off her jeans and coat as best she could, then retrieved her knit cap, but it had snow on it both inside and out, and would be worse than wearing nothing at all. Without a word, unable to look at him, she started toward the cabin.

  He caught her roughly by the shoulder and swung her around. “Tell me why, damn it,” he rasped.

  Jay swallowed. She hadn’t meant to stop him, and she couldn’t explain the dreadful fear she lived with every moment, every day. “I’ve told you before,” she finally managed. “They’re good reasons.” A single tear tracked down her cheek and formed frozen salt crystals before it reached her chin.

  His face changed, some of the angry frustration leaving him, and he wiped at the tear with his gloved hand. “Are they? Your reasons don’t make much sense to me. It’s natural to want each other. How much longer do you think I can live like a monk? How much longer can you live like a nun? That’s not my calling, baby, and damn it all to hell and back in a little red wagon, it’s not as if it’ll be the first time!”

  She thought she would scream. She wanted to cry and she wanted to laugh, but neither would make sense. She wanted to tell him the truth, but the biggest fear she had was of losing him. So finally she did tell him the truth, or at least part of it. “It will be the first time,” she croaked, strangling on the words. “This time. And it scares me.”

  She walked away again, and he let her go. She was shaking with cold by the time she got back to the cabin, and she took a long hot shower, then dressed in dry clothing. The smell of fresh coffee came from the kitchen, and she followed her nose to find him frying bacon and whipping eggs in a bowl. He had changed clothes, too, and she faltered under both his physical impact and a sudden realization. He was tall and muscular, as powerful as a puma, his shoulders and chest straining the seams of his shirt. In the weeks they had been there he’d gained weight and muscle, and his hair had grown enough that now it was a trifle long. He looked uncivilized and dangerous, and so utterly male that she quivered instinctively. He was no longer a patient. He had recovered both his health and his strength. She had followed him because she had been worried, but in her mind he had still been a wounded warrior. Now she knew that he wasn’t. Her subconscious had recognized it earlier, when she had fought him. She never would have done that before.

  He looked up at her, his gaze assessing. “I made fresh coffee. Drink a cup. You still look a little shaky. Does the thought of making it with me scare you that much?”

  “You scare me.” She couldn’t stop the words. “Who you are. What you are.”

  An icy motionlessness seized him as he realized that she had guessed. “You said I was using Super Spy tricks.”

  “Yes,” she whispered, and decided she did need that cup of coffee. She poured it and watched the steam rise for a moment before sipping. Why had she said that? She hadn’t meant to. She was in agony, afraid that it would trigger his memory and he would leave, and equally afraid that he might never get his memory back. She was caught, trapped, because she couldn’t call him hers until he regained his memory and chose her. If he would. He might just walk away, to his real life.

  “I didn’t think you knew,” he said flatly.

  Her head jerked up. “Do you mean you did?”

  “There had to be more to it than the possibility that I had seen something before the explosion. The government doesn’t work that way. I guessed, and Frank confirmed it.”

  “What did he say?” Her voice was thin.

  His smile was equally thin, and a little savage. “That’s about it. He can’t tell me more because of the circumstances. I’m a security risk right now. How did you guess?”

  “The same. There just had to be more to it.”

  “Is what I am the real reason you turned me down?”

  “No,” she whispered, an aching, needing expression in her eyes as she watched him. How could loving a man hurt so much? But it did, when the man was this one.

  His entire body was taut, his mouth twisted. His voice was harsh. “Stop looking at me like that. It’s all I can do to keep myself from pulling your pants off and laying you down on that table, and that isn’t the way I want to take you. Not this time. So stop looking a