The Woman Left Behind: A Novel Read online

  She didn’t care. Everything was at a distance, and that was okay. She didn’t want to think, or feel. She closed her eyes and drifted off again.

  The next time she woke, she was more aware, but still not quite with it. The white tent was gone, and there was a droning noise that annoyed her. She moved fretfully, frowned when her hand caught on something, lifted it to stare at the IV in the back of her hand. She frowned again, because her hand was stained and dirty.

  A big hand caught hers, lowered it beside her. Levi crouched beside her, his face swimming into focus. He looked terrible, unshaven, dirty, his gaze somehow savage. “You’re okay,” he said.

  She considered that. She remembered running through the desert, remembered the desolation and despair. She remembered a lot, she just didn’t care about most of it. “Voodoo?” she croaked. “Crutch?”

  “They’re holding on. We’re on our way to Germany.”

  That was all she needed to know. Escaping was easy, because she was tired, so very tired. She simply had to close her eyes to shut him out, and she did.

  Twenty-Two

  She was treated in a military hospital in Germany. Jina lay quietly in bed, mostly staring at the ceiling and not interested enough to even look out the window. A massive exhaustion weighed down on her, killing her desire to do anything other than breathe.

  Maybe she should call her mom. Vaguely she felt as if she needed to, just to connect with someone or something again, but not only would she have to figure out how to make an international call, she’d have to talk. She didn’t want to talk, not to anyone. There was an invisible wall around her and she felt safe inside it, safe and empty and alone. Too many words would dissolve the wall, leaving her vulnerable again.

  Maybe she’d call later, when she could stand words again and isolation didn’t feel so necessary.

  A brief hard tap on the door caught her attention, followed immediately by Levi pushing the door open and entering, as if it wouldn’t occur to him to wait until she said, “Come in.” Maybe he knew she wouldn’t say it. More likely, he simply didn’t care.

  He looked better than he had on the flight; he’d showered, shaved, had on clean clothes, and had gotten some sleep. The expression in his eyes was still not civilized. Something angry and violent lurked just below the surface, bubbling against his iron control.

  She wanted to be left alone. Why was he here? She didn’t want him here.

  There was a chair for visitors, but, being Levi, he didn’t take it. He hitched his ass on the side of her bed, half sitting, and bridged her body with one muscular arm braced on the other side of her hip. Now Jina moved her gaze to the window. Funny—somehow she’d expected to see the stark, desolate landscape of sunbaked Syria, and instead she saw a gray sky and a drizzle of rain on the glass. Germany; she was in Germany. Her body was here, but her mind hadn’t caught up.

  “They’re both out of surgery,” he said after a long moment of waiting for her to look at him. She could feel him willing her to obey his will, as if he could use some Jedi mind trick on her eyeballs.

  Crutch. Voodoo. For them, she slowly turned her head, looked at him. “Will they make it?” Her voice was thin and scratchy, her throat still dry feeling despite all the fluids that had been pumped into her.

  “Touch and go.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “They’re both in ICU. Voodoo has a better shot than Crutch, but he took a lot of damage to his leg.”

  She nodded, and once more looked out the window. Who knew devastation felt so empty? She’d always thought it was great pain, but instead it was . . . nothing, all emotion gone. She felt as empty as the desert, bleak and scorched.

  “We’re flying out in a couple of hours,” he said. “We have to get back ASAP. You’ll be released tomorrow, and I’ve arranged a flight home for you. Everything is taken care of.”

  She nodded again. So they were leaving her behind again. Different circumstances, and illogical on her part to think that, but there it was. They were leaving, and she wasn’t. She could have traveled with them, with some help.

  All in all, she thought, she was in fairly good shape after going through the ordeal she’d faced. Her feet would heal. She didn’t have any broken bones, and a wonderful nurse had washed her hair for her. She hadn’t had a shower yet, because of her feet, but she’d washed off several times and had finally felt clean.

  She’d been treated for severe dehydration and she felt much better. Her feet were bandaged and walking wasn’t fun, but she could manage to hobble around, get to the toilet by herself. At least the catheter was out, now that they no longer needed to measure her urine output to make certain her kidneys hadn’t shut down.

  She could have handled the flight, gone with them, even if they were hitching a ride on another cargo plane. Instead he’d opted to leave her to fly by herself, twenty-four hours later.

  Been there, done that, forget the damn T-shirt because she didn’t want it.

  He took her hand, the one that didn’t have the IV needle in it, rubbed his thumb across the backs of her fingers. “I’d take you with us if I could,” he said.

  Sure.

  “That’s okay.” She pulled her hand free and looked down at the sheet. Why was he touching her? He shouldn’t be touching her, there was no point. He needed to leave, go do whatever he was supposed to be doing. She was positive holding her hand wasn’t on that list. “Can I see Crutch and Voodoo?”

  He paused. “I’ll see if they’ll let someone wheel you in.”

  “That’s okay,” she said again. “I’ll ask a nurse.” Don’t do me any favors, Levi.

  He checked the time, then stood. “I’ll see you when you get back.” He stood beside the bed looking down at her; she could feel that Jedi thing again, compelling her to look at him, but she set her jaw and kept her gaze on the sheet. She’d already seen enough of him, so damn big and tough and battle-weary, that intense dark gaze on her, his presence almost like a punch in the stomach.

  She wanted him to go. He was the one she most didn’t want to see. None of the other guys had come back for her, either, but Levi was the one who had kissed her and held her, and he was the one who had made the decision to leave her behind. When she thought of the others, she was okay; when faced with Levi, everything in her wanted to shut down.

  Because he was Levi and his will was a force of nature, he cupped her chin in one big, rough hand and turned her face toward him. She stubbornly kept her gaze down, though it felt stupid, but neither did she feel cooperative. His thumb rubbed over her mouth and he made an impatient sound, then bent down and pressed a quick, hard kiss to her mouth, staying just long enough to give her a touch of his tongue. “We’ll talk,” he said—was that a promise, or a threat?—and strolled out, his broad shoulders barely fitting through the door.

  Maybe, maybe not. Three days ago—a lifetime ago—that touch, that kiss, would have had her heart pounding and her thoughts racing around like a crazed squirrel.

  He’d left her behind. He’d kissed her and put his tongue in her mouth, then he’d left her anyway.

  And she was so tired. She didn’t want to think about anything, deal with anything, not even that something about Levi had changed and she didn’t have the energy to figure out what it was. Maybe when she got home she’d feel more like herself.

  The next time a nurse came in, Jina asked about going to critical care to check on her pals. “I don’t see why not,” she said, then looked at Jina’s bandaged feet. “I don’t think you want to walk that far on those puppies, though, so I’ll see what I can do about a wheelchair just before the next visitation period.”

  But then she forgot, and Jina had to ask someone else. Finally she got that wheelchair, though, and an orderly took her to the ICU. Voodoo’s cubicle was first. He opened his eyes when she wheeled inside, and she almost collapsed with relief. He was pale, he had tubes running into his chest, an oxygen cannula in his nose, an IV stand strung with multiple plastic bags, and his left leg was immobilized.