Running Blind Read online

  But what was she supposed to do? If she’d remained in Houston, Brad would have killed her. If she hadn’t left Dallas, Brad would have killed her.

  The anger mixed with a frustration so raw and powerful she wanted to scream, wanted to clench her fists, tilt her head back, and scream and scream and scream, until she didn’t have a voice left. She wanted to throw a temper tantrum, wanted to break windows and smash furniture, anything to express how furious she was that she was caught in this trap, wanting to live but afraid to, afraid to form relationships—afraid, always afraid, walking a tightrope because that bastard was out there.

  If it weren’t for Brad, she’d have kissed Zeke back in a way that would have made his head spin. She’d have acted on the sizzling attraction she felt for him, the burning need to touch his bare skin and take him inside her body. It had been so long since she’d felt anything close to the power of what she felt for Zeke, so long since she’d needed sex, a man. Brad had put her off men, made her hesitant to trust her own judgment because even though she’d spotted his weirdness pretty fast she hadn’t been fast enough. Two dates was all it had taken for him to target her. What if she hadn’t gone on that second date? Would one date have been enough to trigger whatever insanity drove him? And if just one date did happen to be enough, then how could she ever let down her guard again?

  She hated Brad, hated him down to the core of her being, hated him with such passion that abruptly she knew she didn’t want to break windows and smash furniture, she wanted to smash Brad himself, she wanted to physically beat him to a pulp for what he’d done to her, to her life, but most of all for what he’d done to Jina.

  She couldn’t. He wasn’t here, thank God. She was safe in this place, protected, hidden, all thanks to the man who slept upstairs while she paced restlessly down here wishing things were different, wishing she were free to go to him—

  Why wasn’t she?

  Why did she keep letting Brad set the boundaries that kept her hemmed in?

  Abruptly she was even more furious with herself than she was with Brad, because while there were some things that were out of her control, and some things she’d been pushed into, there were still other parts of her life where she didn’t have to play dead and let Brad dictate what she did or didn’t do.

  Zeke knew the score. He knew her situation. Today she had come so close to dying, and if that had happened she would have gone without having known what it was like to cradle Zeke’s powerful body with hers, without feeling the driving force of his lovemaking. She’d thought she was protecting herself, protecting him, and all she’d been doing was depriving them.

  She’d be damned if she’d let Brad have that much control over her, over her life.

  She was out the door almost before she knew it, making her way through the night-shadowed house, moving around the obstacle course of furniture with ease, because by now she knew every inch of this house, where every chair was, every table, every lamp. The kitchen was lit by the dim glow of digital clocks on the oven, the coffeemaker, the microwave, but other than that the house was dark.

  Then her bare feet touched the stairs, her hand gripped the banister, and reality slapped her in the face. She faltered, but didn’t stop, pushing herself upward. Was she really going to go into Zeke Decker’s bedroom and invite him to have sex with her?

  Oh, hell yeah.

  Enough was enough. She couldn’t take back control of her entire life, but right here, tonight, she could be a woman. She refused to let Brad keep that from her anymore.

  The oblong of Zeke’s bedroom door was just barely lighter than the surrounding darkness, telling her that it was open; why wouldn’t it be, when he was the only one up here? He could be walking around naked every night and every morning, for all she knew, because she never ventured up here while he was still in the house—part of her stupid “keep Zeke at a distance” strategy.

  She reached the doorway, almost breathless from the fury that had been sweeping her along. Every cell in her body wanted to keep going, to simply take a flying leap and land on him, but common sense kicked in. If she did that, considering the lightning-fast reaction she’d seen from him before, she would likely find herself tossed across the room. So she stopped, almost panting. She could see his bed, see the long bulk of his body, the faint gleam of starlight on the skin of his bare shoulder and arm. Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to knock lightly on the doorframe. “Zeke.”

  Her voice was strained and low, so low she didn’t think he could possibly hear her even if he was awake—

  He was. He did. He was out of the bed by the time the sound of his name had barely touched the air. “What’s wrong? Are you all right?” he asked sharply.

  He was naked. Carlin caught her breath, staring at the outline of his muscled frame. The room was too dark for her to see much, but just knowing he was naked was almost as good as seeing. Distracted, she still managed to say, “Nothing. No.”

  He moved toward her, darkness advancing. “Nothing’s wrong, but no, you’re not all right?”

  She sucked in another breath, her heart beating so violently she could feel it hammering against her ribs. “I’m okay, but—I’m not all right.”

  He reached her, his big hands cupping her elbows, the warmth of his palms searing all the way to the bone. “Are you hurting anywhere? You got banged around—”

  He was close, so close. Carlin let her head drop forward, resting it against his chest. Heat and scent swirled around her, enveloped her. Instinctively she swayed toward him, but by some desperate surge of willpower she kept her arms down, her hands to herself. Don’t assume … yeah, most men would jump at the chance for sex, but Zeke wasn’t most men. Zeke was steel where she was used to aluminum. She had to be clear, she had to knock down all the walls and let herself be exposed.

  “I could have died today.”

  His hands tightened almost painfully, squeezing her arms. “I know.”

  “I don’t—” She stopped, shuddering, and closed her eyes. “I don’t want to die without having you.” Her voice trailed away on the last word and she stood there, head resting against him, eyes closed, waiting for his reaction.

  If his grip had been tight before, now his fingers felt as if they were digging down into bone. For an endless moment there was nothing other than the sounds of their breathing, and horrified embarrassment was beginning to knot her stomach when he said harshly, “I want to make sure I’m not misunderstanding anything here. You want me to fuck you?”

  The hard, primitive word sent shockwaves of excitement rolling along her nerves. Carlin opened her eyes and raised her head. “No. I want to fuck you.” Now that the words were said, the rest of it boiled out of her. “No relationship, no couple, no you-and-me stuff, because nothing has changed and I may have to leave at any time, without notice.”

  “So what do you want from me? Other than my dick?” His tone had gone from harsh to flint hard.

  Boldly, desperately, she reached out and touched him, closed her hand around the thick, hard length of his penis, jutting out from his groin. He was already erect, but at her touch she felt him harden even more, getting thicker. “Just this. Just let me have this.”

  “Employee with benefits?”

  She’d made him angry. She didn’t understand it but she could feel it, and part of her was sorry because she hadn’t meant to insult him, but anger was good, anger had brought her this far. “That’ll do,” she snapped back. “I can’t risk any more, but I’ll be damned if I let him steal this from me, too.”

  His breath blew out like an angry bull’s, but in one swift motion he grasped the bottom of her T-shirt and pulled it over her head, tossed it aside. “First round is yours,” he said grimly. “But, by God, the second one is mine.”

  The challenge barely made it through her consciousness, but it clicked. She gave a low, rough laugh. “You haven’t made it through the first one yet,” she said, and pushed him. He backed up a step, letting her have control. She kne