Smiley Read online

  He suddenly felt even more sympathy for the males who’d fallen for humans. It had seemed simple in theory to persuade one of them to allow a male into her bed and heart. The reality of it was anything but easy. Everything he knew about human dating rituals wouldn’t apply at Homeland. He refused to take her out to dinner at the bar. He’d have to punch other males when they attempted to gain her attention. The show of violence might leave her with the impression that he was a vicious male.

  Vanni finally spoke and it was only then that he realized the silence had stretched between them again. “How could you say that?”

  He struggled to remember what he’d said. She reminded him.

  “How did I save us?”

  “The drug I was given, if it is a full dose is…” He didn’t want to horrify her but he wouldn’t lie. “I would have been too mindless with a driving need for sex to care if I hurt you or how bad. At full dose the breeding drug Mercile created to use on us causes brutal sexual behavior and total memory loss. You alerted me to your symptoms instead of hiding them. Luckily I didn’t finish my drink. That could have been tragic.”

  “I got a lot of the drug and I remember it all.”

  “The drug you were given was a milder version. We’d heard from an employee who worked there that a research facility associated with Mercile Industries had tested the new version. She stated they were creating it to use on human females. We believe the Woods Church must have obtained it from them.”

  “Gregory said he bought it from someone but he didn’t mention a name. He called the drug B-47.”

  “Our task force is interviewing everyone from that facility to see who sold it to the church.”

  “We were guinea pigs for some untested drug then?”

  “We used the term lab rat when we were the subjects of Mercile’s testing. Full dosage of the breeding drug they used on us would kill a human. It makes me furious knowing what could have happened to you. I talked to the doctor after I returned to Homeland. You could have suffered heart failure or seizures that might have resulted in your death.”

  It made him icy cold inside just imagining her lifeless body. He wanted to go to Fuller Prison himself and interrogate everyone from Drackwood. They needed proof though, before they took on the Woods Church. Otherwise Pastor Gregory Woods would accuse the NSO of targeting them because of their outspoken views against New Species. It was a publicity nightmare they didn’t need.

  He stared into her eyes and hated to see the pain there. She’d been dragged into his world but he wasn’t sorry she was there. He wouldn’t have met her if they hadn’t been targeted. He could regret the circumstances but never the outcome. Vanni was just inches away from him, right where he wanted her to be.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Vanni let it all sink in. Smiley had lived a hellish life. She’d only been drugged once but he’d survived countless episodes that were far worse than what she’d experienced. He’d helped her through the worst of it but he’d been alone at Mercile Industries. She suddenly had sympathy like never before for New Species.

  “Are you sure I didn’t harm you during sex, Vanni?” His voice softened. “You could tell me if I did.”

  She looked away, unable to stand seeing the pained look in his eyes. “I really don’t want to talk about this.”

  He softly cursed. “I did hurt you. I’m so sorry.”

  Smiley sounded tormented and it made her feel guilty. He deserved total candor, even if it made her squirm. She looked at him and reached out to place her hand on his arm. The skin-to-skin contact helped her feel connected to him.

  “I get embarrassed. That’s why I don’t want to talk about this. The only person I gave any details to about that night was my best friend. She’s the only one I’m comfortable discussing sex with. I was a little tender the next morning but it wasn’t because you did anything wrong. I’m fine now.”

  “I was too rough.” He winced. “I understand. Thank you for sharing the truth with me. You were so tight that I feared I’d tear you a little. You should have one of our doctors look at you, Vanni.”

  His bluntness startled her but she recovered quickly. “You’re very open about things, aren’t you?”

  He nodded. “My people believe in total honesty.”

  She swallowed and took a deep breath. Her cheeks were probably burning but she was willing to risk a bit of discomfort for Smiley.

  “I don’t think I tore. I mean, I’m not in any pain. I just hadn’t had sex in a while. I have a tough time being so direct about sex. We didn’t talk about it in my house growing up. It was kind of taboo.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t know. Mom never brought it up unless you count telling us a stork dropped us off when we were babies. My dad was hardly home. My sister and brother were older so they didn’t say much. It was more of a warning about don’t-let-men-talk-me-into-getting-naked-or-I’d-end-up-pregnant kind of thing. Beth was the one who gave me the sex talk when I was in my teens.”

  His eyebrows shot up. “A stork?”

  “You never heard that? Parents make up a story for kids to avoid telling them the truth about sex. They say that a big bird flies in and that’s how babies arrive.”

  He laughed. “We openly talk about sex. Do you have any questions about me since we shared sex? We’re a little different physically than your fully human males.”

  “You’re larger.” She felt her cheeks grow warm.

  “Yes. Our muscle density is usually greater and we were engineered to be taller and larger in bone structure than most all your males.”

  “I meant…” She couldn’t finish that sentence.

  He smiled. “Our dicks?”

  She nodded sharply.

  “We were genetically designed to be larger all over. We don’t have a lot of body hair either. That is strange since we were given DNA from animals with fur. I’m glad I don’t have fur.”

  Vanni grinned. “Yeah. That would kind of suck in the summer when it’s hot.”

  Smiley chuckled. “I like it when you let your guard down with me. You have a wonderful smile.”

  “So do you.”

  His smile faded. “I was sexually attracted to you before the drugs. Were you even a little sexually attracted to me?”

  Her mood sobered. “I don’t think we should discuss this.”

  “You’re not sexually attracted to me in the least then?”

  She stared into his eyes. “Why do you want to know?”

  “I’m aroused being close to you. There are no drugs now.”

  She gaped a little, astonished that he’d admit that. It took a lot of restraint not to glance down at his lap to see if he meant that in a literal sense.

  Smiley hesitated, studying her face. “I wish to touch you and see what is between us without the aid of drugs.”

  “That’s a bad idea.”

  “Why? I want you, Vanni. I have thought of nothing else since that night.”

  “I can’t have sex with you, if that’s what you want.”

  Smiley’s shoulders sagged. “You aren’t attracted to me.”

  The sad look on his face almost broke her heart. She couldn’t stand seeing him that way. “I am. It’s just that I believe in love before sex. We jumped into it and I don’t know how to feel about that. We’ve been intimate but we know so little about each other. It’s uncomfortable for me.”

  “Why? Do you think you’re unable to love me? Is it because I’m not fully human?”

  “I don’t even know you.”

  He leaned in closer. “We can remedy that by getting to know each other. I’m taking you out tomorrow and we’re here together now. We just need to keep talking.”

  She couldn’t deny the logic. “We could try that.”

  “Do you believe anything your church says about us?”

  “I’m not a member of the Woods Church and the stuff Gregory spewed was horrible.”

  “That’s a good start. I know they hate us but I don’t k