The Jodi Picoult Collection #4 Read online

  I lifted up my leg and used my foot to break down the door.

  Sean

  The soup that came out of the vending machine at the courthouse looked—and tasted—just like the coffee. It was my third cup today, and I still wasn’t quite sure what I was drinking.

  I was sitting near the window of my hiding place—my biggest accomplishment on this, the second day of the trial. I had planned to sit in the lobby until Guy Booker needed me—but I hadn’t counted on the press. The ones who hadn’t squeezed into the courtroom figured out who I was quickly enough and swarmed, leaving me to back away muttering No comment.

  I’d poked through the maze of the courthouse corridors, trying doorknobs until I found one that opened. I had no idea what this room was used for normally, but it was located almost directly above the courtroom where Charlotte was right now.

  I didn’t really believe in ESP or any of that crap, but I hoped she could feel me up here. Even more, I hoped that was a good thing.

  Here was my secret: in spite of the fact that I had defected to the other side, in spite of the fact that my marriage had crashed on the rocks, there was a part of me that wondered what would happen if Charlotte won.

  With enough money, we could send you to a camp this summer, so that you could meet other kids like you.

  With enough money, we could buy a new van, instead of repairing the one that was seven years old with spit and glue.

  With enough money, we could pay off our credit card debt and the second mortgage we’d taken out after the health insurance bills escalated.

  With enough money, I could take Charlotte away for a night and fall in love with her again.

  I truly believed that the cost of success for us shouldn’t be the cost of failure for a good friend. But what if we hadn’t known Piper personally, only professionally? Would I have endorsed a case like that against a different doctor? Was it Piper’s involvement I objected to—or the whole lawsuit?

  There were so many things we hadn’t been told:

  How it feels when a rib breaks, when I’m doing nothing more than cradling you.

  How much it hurts to see the look on your face when you watch your older sister skating.

  How even the people in a position to help have to cause pain first: the doctors who reset your bones, the folks who mold your leg braces by letting you play in them and get blisters, so that they know what to fix.

  How your bones were not the only things that would break. There would be hairline cracks we would not see for years in my finances, my future, my marriage.

  Suddenly I wanted to hear your voice. I took out my cell phone and started to dial, only to hear a loud beep as the battery died. I stared down at the receiver. I could go out to the car and get the charger, but that would mean running the gauntlet again. While I was weighing the costs and the benefits, the door to my sanctuary opened, and a slice of noise from the hallway slipped inside, followed by Piper Reece.

  “You’ll have to find your own hiding place,” I said, and she jumped.

  “You scared me to death,” Piper said. “How did you know that’s what I was doing?”

  “Because it’s why I’m here. Shouldn’t you be in court?”

  “We took a recess.”

  I hesitated, then figured I had nothing to lose. “How’s it going in there?”

  Piper opened her mouth, as if she were going to reply, and then shut it. “I’ll let you get back to your phone call,” she murmured, her hand on the doorknob.

  “It’s dead,” I said, and she turned around. “My phone.”

  She folded her arms. “Remember when there were no cell phones? When we didn’t have to listen to everyone’s conversations?”

  “Some things are better left private,” I said.

  Piper met my gaze. “It’s awful in there,” she admitted. “The last witness was an actuary who gave estimates on the out-of-pocket cost for Willow’s care, and the grand total, based on her life expectancy.”

  “What did he say?”

  “Thirty thousand annually.”

  “No,” I said. “I meant, how long will she live?”

  Piper hesitated. “I don’t like thinking of Willow in terms of numbers. Like she’s already a statistic.”

  “Piper.”

  “There’s no reason she won’t have a normal life expectancy,” Piper said.

  “But not a normal life,” I finished.

  Piper leaned against the wall. I had not turned the lights on—I didn’t want anyone to know I was in here, after all—and in the shadows her face looked lined and tired. “Last night I dreamed about the first time we had you over for dinner—to meet Charlotte.”

  I could recall that night like it was yesterday. I had gotten lost on the way to Piper’s house because I was so nervous. For obvious reasons, I’d never before been invited to someone’s house after giving her a speeding ticket; and I wouldn’t have gone at all, but the day before pulling Piper’s car over for doing fifty in a thirty-mile-an-hour zone, I’d gone to the house of my best friend—another cop—and found my girlfriend in his bed. I had nothing to lose when Piper called the department a week later and asked; it was impulsive and stupid and desperate.

  When I got to Piper’s, and was introduced to Charlotte, she’d held out her hand for me to shake and a spark had caught between our palms, shocking us both. The two little girls had eaten in the living room while the adults sat at the table; Piper had just served me a slice of caramel-pecan torte that Charlotte had made. “What do you think?” Charlotte had asked.

  The filling was still warm and sweet; crust dissolved on my tongue like a memory. “I think we should get married,” I said, and everyone laughed, but I was not entirely kidding.

  We had been talking about our first kisses. Piper told a story about a boy who’d enticed her into the woods behind the jungle gym on the pretext that there was a unicorn behind an ash tree; Rob talked about being paid five bucks by a seventh-grade girl for a practice run. Charlotte hadn’t been kissed, it turned out, till she was eighteen. “I can’t believe that,” I said.

  “What about you, Sean?” Rob asked.

  “I can’t remember.” By then, I had lost sense of everything but Charlotte. I could have told you how many inches away from my leg hers was beneath the table. I could have told you how the curls of her hair caught the candlelight and held on to it. I could not remember my first kiss, but I could have told you Charlotte would be my last.

  “Remember how we had Amelia and Emma in the living room,” Piper said now. “We were having such a good time no one thought to check on them?”

  Suddenly I could see it—all of us crowded into the tiny downstairs bathroom, Rob yelling at his daughter, who had commandeered Amelia into helping her dump dry dog food into the toilet bowl.

  Piper started to laugh. “Emma kept saying it was only a cupful.”

  But it had soaked up the water and swollen to fill the bowl. It was amazing, in fact, how quickly it had gotten out of control.

  Beside me, Piper’s laughter had turned the corner, and in that way emotion has of hopping boundaries, she was suddenly crying. “God, Sean. How did we get here?”

  I stood awkwardly, and then after a moment I slipped an arm around her. “It’s okay.”

  “No, it’s not,” Piper sobbed, and she buried her face against my shoulder. “I have never, ever in my life been the bad guy. But every time I walk into that courtroom, that’s exactly what I am.”

  I had hugged Piper Reece before. It was what married couples did—you went to someone’s house and you handed over the obligatory bottle of wine and kissed the hostess on the cheek. Maybe distantly I was aware that Piper was taller than Charlotte, that she smelled of an unfamiliar perfume instead of Charlotte’s pear soap and vanilla extract. At any rate, the embrace was triangular: you connected at the cheek, and then your bodies angled away from each other.

  But right now Piper was pressed against me, her tears hot against my neck. I could feel the