The Jodi Picoult Collection #4 Read online

  The way I see it, either my body wins and I reject the heart—or I win.

  And become who he used to be.

  My mother says that I’m going to work through all this, and that’s why I have to take Celexa (oh, right, forgot that one) and talk to a shrink twice a week. I nod and pretend to believe her. She’s so happy right now, but it’s the kind of happy that’s like an ornament made of sugar: if you brush it the wrong way, it will go to pieces.

  I’ll tell you this much: it’s so good to be home. And to not have a lightning bolt zapping me from inside three or four times a day. And to not pass out and wake up wondering what happened. And to walk up the stairs—upstairs!—without having to stop halfway, or be carried.

  “Claire?” my mother calls. “Are you awake?”

  Today, we have a visitor coming. It’s a woman I haven’t met, although apparently she’s met me. She’s the sister of the man who gave me his heart; she came to the hospital when I was totally out of it. I am so not looking forward to this. She’ll probably break down and cry (I would if I were her) and stare at me with an eagle eye until she finds some shred of me that reminds her of her brother, or at least convinces herself she has.

  “I’m coming,” I say. I have been standing in front of the mirror for the past twenty minutes, without a shirt on. The scar, which is still healing, is the angriest red slash of a mouth. Every time I look at it, I imagine the things it might be yelling.

  I resettle the bandage that I’m not supposed to peel off but do when my mother isn’t there to see it. Then I shrug into a shirt and glance down at Dudley. “Hey, lazybones,” I say. “Rise and shine.”

  The thing is, my dog doesn’t move.

  I stand there, staring, even though I know what’s happened. My mother told me once, in her dump truck–load of fun facts about cardiac patients, that when you do a transplant the nerve that goes from the brain to the heart gets cut. Which means that it takes people like me longer to respond to situations that would normally freak us out. We need the adrenaline to kick in first.

  You can hear this and think, Oh, how nice to stay calm.

  Or you can hear this and think, Imagine what it would be like to have a brand-new heart, and be so slow to feel.

  And then, boom, just like that it kicks in. I fall down to my knees in front of the dog. I’m afraid to touch him. I have been too close to death; I don’t want to go there again.

  By now the tears are here; they stream down my face and into my mouth. Loss always tastes like salt. I bend down over my old, sweet dog. “Dudley,” I say. “Come on.” But when I scoop him up—put my ear against his rib cage—he’s cold, stiff, not breathing.

  “No,” I whisper, and then I shout it so loud that my mother comes scrambling up the stairs like a storm.

  She fills my doorway, wild-eyed. “Claire? What’s wrong?”

  I shake my head; I can’t speak. Because, in my arms, the dog twitches. His heart starts beating again, beneath my own two hands.

  AUTHOR’S NOTE

  For those wishing to learn more about the topics in this book, try these sites and texts, which were instrumental to me during this journey.

  ABOUT THE DEATH PENALTY

  Death Penalty Information Center: www.deathpenaltyinfo.org.

  Death Row Support Project, PO Box 600, Liberty Mills, IN 46946. (Contact them if you want to write to a death row prisoner.)

  Murder Victims’ Families for Human Rights: www.mvfhr.org.

  Murray, Robert W. Life on Death Row. Albert Publishing Co., 2004.

  Prejean, Sister Helen. Dead Man Walking. New York: Vintage Books, 1993.

  ———. The Death of Innocents. New York: Random House, 2005.

  Rossi, Richard Michael. Waiting to Die. London: Vision Paperbacks, 2004.

  Turow, Scott. Ultimate Punishment. New York: Picador, 2003.

  ABOUT THE GNOSTIC GOSPELS

  Pagels, Elaine. Beyond Belief: The Secret Gospel of Thomas. New York: Random House, 2003.

  ———. The Gnostic Gospels. New York: Random House, 1979.

  Robinson, James M., ed. The Nag Hammadi Library. Leiden, the Netherlands: E. J. Brill, 1978.

  CHANGE of HEART

  Jodi Picoult

  A Readers Club Guide

  INTRODUCTION

  In her fifteen novels, Jodi Picoult delves deep into the most troubling contemporary social issues, writing fiction that the New York Daily News calls “intelligent, often moving, and always ripe for book club discussion.” In Change of Heart, she examines a convicted killer on death row, Shay Bourne, who has taken the lives of Officer Kurt Nealon and his young stepdaughter, Elizabeth. When Shay discovers that his victim’s living daughter, Claire, is desperately in need of a heart transplant, he sees his only chance for salvation. Standing in his way, however, is the law and a mother filled with anger and revenge. On his side are some unexpected allies—a Catholic priest who had a hand in Shay’s sentencing; an ambitious attorney who, despite her deep convictions against capital punishment, is determined to see Shay die on his own terms; and a community that sees something in Shay that gives them hope. Picoult expertly intersects matters of the state and matters of the spirit to probe questions about the meaning of salvation and who has the power to determine the fate of the soul.

  QUESTIONS AND TOPICS FOR DISCUSSION

  1. The author uses several famous quotations from some of the greatest thinkers in history, including Lewis Carroll, Voltaire, Woody Allen, Mother Teresa, Mark Twain, the Dalai Lama, Bono, Friedrich Nietzsche, and Albert Einstein. What effect do these philosophical tidbits have on the telling of this story? Which one resonated most with you?

  2. Discuss the theme of belief in this novel. What does Shay believe, and who believes in him? Apply this same question to Maggie, Michael, and June. Did this story call any of their beliefs into question? Which ones?

  3. When Shay is moved to the I-tier, some very strange things start happening—water turns to wine, Calloway’s pet robin is brought back to life, a tiny piece of gum becomes enough for all to share. Some call these miracles while others call them hijinks. What do you make of these incidents? Were you convinced that Shay had divine powers, and if so, at what point did you make that conclusion?

  4. Michael tells Maggie that “there’s a big difference between mercy and salvation.” What is that difference? Which characters are pursuing mercy and which are pursuing salvation? Which, do you think, is granted in the end for each of the main characters?

  5. Having lost a daughter and two husbands, June’s life is fraught with grief. How do you see that grief shaping her character and informing the choices that she makes? Do you think she makes choices in order to reconcile the past or in hopes of a better future?

  6. How do the three religions referenced in this book (Judaism, Christianity, Gnosticism) imagine the presence or reappearance of the divine? Compare Michael’s vision with Rabbi Bloom’s explanation of the Jewish Midrash and Shay’s depiction of heaven.

  7. Consider the passage where Maggie thinks “the penitentiary [Shay] was referring to was his own body.” In what ways are some of the other characters in this book (Claire, Maggie, Lucius) imprisoned by their bodies?

  8. Discuss June’s questions: “Would you give up your vengeance against someone you hate if it meant saving someone you love? Would you want your dreams to come true if it meant granting your enemy’s dying wish?” How do the characters answer this question?

  9. June thinks that if Claire accepted a heart transplant from Shay Bourne and had to absorb the emotional pain of her father’s and sister’s murders, it would be “better to have no heart at all.” This statement eerily echoes Shay’s own statement to June that her first daughter, Elizabeth, “was better off dead.” How do you feel about the adults in this novel making such grave choices over the life of a child? Do you feel as if they are being protective or presumptuous?

  10. Why do you think Shay never puts up a real fight for his innocence? Do you believe he is