Almost Just Friends Read online

“You were thirteen,” he interrupted, pulling her farther into his room, sitting her in the chair by the window, turning for the bottle of Jack he used to keep on his dresser back when he was using. But it’d been tossed long ago. And wasn’t this a first, wishing for alcohol—not for himself, but to help someone with. “You were put into a terrible, tragic situation that no thirteen-year-old should ever have to deal with. Hell . . .” He rubbed a hand down his face. “If I’d been the oldest . . . Christ, I can’t even imagine that responsibility. I’d have lost you and Winnie, or accidentally killed one of you for sure. We were lucky to have you. Now please stop blaming yourself for my problems. I can be a sneaky asshole when I want to be, and I’ve wanted to be. But I’ve learned how destructive that is.” He paused. “Now you.”

  “Me? What do you mean? I’m not in the danger zone.”

  He just looked at her.

  “I’m fine, Gavin.”

  “You’re not. You’re still pushing away all emotions and reacting to everything like it’s . . . I don’t know . . . a job.”

  “Such as?” she asked coolly.

  “See? That,” he said, pointing at her. “I’m asking for feelings and you’re giving me calm logic. Do you know how much it sucks to be someone who loves you but can’t reach you?”

  She blinked, and he could tell that her first reaction was hurt, and then resignation.

  “I know,” she said quietly. “But sometimes, I just . . .”

  “What?”

  She closed her eyes. “Sometimes I feel thirteen again, and I just want Mom.”

  Gavin felt the ache in his chest for her, for him and Winnie too, because this was way above his pay grade. “I get that.”

  “I know you do.” She swiped at a tear almost angrily. “I tried to make it so that you guys wouldn’t miss their presence, but I couldn’t. Mostly because I miss them too, so much.”

  He couldn’t speak around the lump in his throat, so he just nodded.

  “I need you to know something, Gav. I never minded taking care of you and Winnie. Never,” she said fiercely, making him believe her. “But I wasn’t done being taken care of either.”

  He’d have sworn that he was the most screwed up of all of them, but he was starting to realize that the honor might go to his headstrong, irrepressible, smart, prickly, amazing sister. “What can I do to help? Anything. Just tell me.”

  “I’m supposed to be the one helping you.”

  “No,” he said, shaking his head. “You did your part. Now I’m grown. And that means we’re equals. You help me and I help you. It’s my turn. So let me help.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “Really? Is that why you’re freaking out that maybe Cam is coming back to stay? That he wants to? That you probably have a lot to do with that?”

  He caught a glimpse of anxiety and panic in her eyes before she turned away.

  “You’re afraid,” he realized. “Afraid to let anyone in, afraid to let anyone love you.”

  She gave a forced laugh. “That’s . . . ridiculous. I’d have to be pretty damn broken to feel that way.”

  “Ah, Piper. It’s okay to be broken. Broken can be fixed.” He stood just behind her, watching her carefully, not wanting to push her over the edge, but wanting to make her see that she was working with his own MO here—survivor’s guilt.

  Finally, she huffed out a sigh and shook her head as she turned back to him. “What do you want me to say? That you’re right? That I am freaking out just a little bit?”

  “Or you know, a lot.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I don’t know how to make something like this work. Opening up and letting him see all the corners and the dust in the rafters and the shit I’ve hidden deep in the basement . . .”

  He laughed. “Trust me, if I can do it drug free, then you sure as hell can. Just don’t be the you that’s, um . . .”

  “What?”

  “You know. A little anal.”

  She went brows up. “Excuse me?”

  “And don’t use that PMS tone either,” he said. “Oh, and while you’re at it, don’t not listen.”

  “Hey, I listen.”

  “You pretend to, but you don’t, not really. Instead you tell people what to do and how to think.”

  Her eyes narrowed, but then she paused, chewed on her lower lip. “Dammit. I really hate when you’re right.”

  “The good news is that knowing it is half the battle,” he said.

  “Maybe you should try heeding your own advice sometime.”

  At the knock on the front door, they looked at each other, Piper as on edge as he. It was anyone’s guess as to which of their current mistakes had stopped by. Piper rolled her eyes at the both of them and they moved to the living room and opened the door.

  It was CJ, and Piper visibly sagged with relief. If Gavin hadn’t been suddenly so tense he’d lost the ability to breathe, he might’ve laughed at the stay-of-execution expression on her face as she vanished to leave them alone.

  Gavin was having trouble drawing in air as he took in the sight of CJ standing there looking like the best thing he’d ever screwed up. “You come to twist the knife deeper?” he asked, with a calm he didn’t feel.

  CJ shut the door behind him and came closer, but didn’t touch Gavin. Instead, he looked him in the eyes and said, “So Axel showed up at the station today.”

  This shocked Gavin. Axel hated cops, and probably especially hated CJ, but he’d never say so. “Why would he do that?”

  “He wanted to tell me that you’d told him I didn’t trust you, but that I should trust you because you’ve got your shit together. He said he’s a great sponsor, that he takes pride in it. He also said that you don’t really need him, and yet you still make sure to see him every week. Said it was important to you to stay on top of things. For the people you love.”

  “He shouldn’t have done that. He probably got hives just walking into the station.”

  CJ grimaced and ran a hand over his unshaved scruff that looked far sexier than it had a right to. “He said that he thought it was noble of you to not break confidences, but in this case, also misguided.”

  Gavin crossed his arms over his chest. “Did he say anything else?”

  “That he was flattered I was jealous, but he’d have to be more than a bipolar addict to date you because you’re too much for him to handle.”

  Gavin snorted because that sounded like Axel, but his amusement faded quickly and he looked away. “Yeah, well, most people feel that way about me.”

  “Not me.” CJ came close. “And I’m about as far from perfect as you can get.”

  “You seem pretty perfect to me.”

  CJ held his gaze, his own softer now as he shook his head. “You look at me with rose-colored glasses, you always have.”

  “Maybe that’s because I have no idea what attracts you to me.” Gavin spread his arms. “I’ve got literally nothing to offer you. I feel like I get so much from you, and I can’t begin to return the favor.”

  CJ stepped closer and took his hand. “For a long time, I’ve been nothing but the job. I need to be more than that. When I’m with you, I am. And I like that person. You asked why I never found the One. It was because it’s you, Gavin. It’s been you all along. You were right. You’ve done nothing wrong. I got scared, and I’m sorry. I’ve wanted to say this to you every day since, but I didn’t know how.”

  Gavin felt a rush of something inside him, a mix of relief and hope. “Seems you said it just fine.”

  “I love that you’re dedicated to being the best you that you can be. I’m in awe of that.”

  “That’s not all I’m dedicated to,” Gavin said in a lighter, more playful tone.

  CJ smiled. “The last time you were that dedicated was in my shower a few weeks back, and you bruised your knees.”

  “My knees are as tough as the rest of me,” Gavin assured him. “And while I love where you’re going with this, it’s not what I meant.” He drew in a shaky breath. “I’