The Lord God Made Them All Read online

  Some years were to pass before the steroids arrived on the scene, but they, too, would bring another little revolution in their wake.

  As I left the dispensary I almost bumped into Siegfried. He was storming along the passage and he grabbed my arm in an agitated manner.

  “Ah, James, just the man I was looking for! I’ve had the most ghastly time this morning. I knocked the exhaust off my car going up that bloody awful track to High Liston, and now I’m without transport. They’ve sent for a new exhaust, but until it arrives and they get it fitted I’m stuck. It’s maddening!”

  “That’s all right, Siegfried. I’ll do your calls.”

  “No, no, James, it’s kind of you, but don’t you see, this sort of thing is going to happen again and again. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. We need a spare car.”

  “A spare?”

  “That’s right. Doesn’t have to be a Rolls Royce. Just something to fall back upon at a time like this. As a matter of fact, I rang Hammond at the garage to bring round something suitable for us to look at. I think I can hear him outside now.”

  My partner was always one for instant action, and I followed him to the front door. Mr. Hammond was there with the vehicle for our inspection. It was a 1933 Morris Oxford, and Siegfried trotted down the steps towards it.

  “A hundred pounds, you said, eh, Mr. Hammond?” He walked around the car a couple of times, picking pieces of rust from the black paintwork, opening the doors and peering at the upholstery. “Ah, well, it’s seen better days, but the appearance doesn’t matter as long as it goes all right.”

  “It’s a sound little job, Mr. Farnon,” the garage proprietor said. “Re-bored two thousand miles ago and don’t use hardly any oil. New battery and a good bit o’ tread on the tyres.” He adjusted the spectacles on his long nose, drew his thin frame upright and adopted a businesslike expression.

  “Mmmm.” Siegfried shook the rear bumper with his foot, and the old springs groaned. “How about the brakes? Important in this hilly country.”

  “They’re champion, Mr. Farnon. First-rate.”

  My colleague nodded slowly. “Good, good. You don’t mind if I drive her round the block, do you?”

  “Nay, nay, of course not,” Mr. Hammond replied. “Give ’er any trial you like.” He was a man who prided himself on his imperturbability, and he dropped confidently into the passenger seat as Siegfried took the wheel.

  “Hop in the back, James!” my partner cried. I opened the rear door and took my place behind Mr. Hammond in the musty interior.

  Siegfried took off abruptly with a roaring and creaking from the old vehicle, and despite the garage man’s outward calm I saw the back of his shirt collar rise a couple of inches above his blue serge jacket as we shot along Trengate.

  The collar subsided a little when Siegfried slowed down at the church to make a left turn but reappeared spasmodically as we negotiated a series of sharp and narrow bends at top speed.

  When we reached the long straight lane that runs parallel to Trengate Mr. Hammond appeared to relax, but when Siegfried put his foot on the boards and sent the birds squawking from the overhanging branches as he thundered beneath them, I saw the collar again.

  When we reached the end of the lane, Siegfried came almost to a halt as he turned left.

  “I think we’ll test the brakes, Mr. Hammond,” he said cheerfully and hurled the car suddenly along the home straight for Trengate. He really meant to carry out a thorough test. The roar of the ancient engine rose to a scream, and as the street approached with frightening rapidity the collar reappeared, then the shirt.

  When Siegfried stood on the brakes, the car slewed violently to the right, and as we catapulted crabwise into Trengate, Mr. Hammond’s head was jammed against the roof and his entire shirt back was exposed. When we came to a halt, he slid slowly back into his seat, and the jacket took over again. At no time had he spoken or, apart from his up-and-down movements, shown any emotion.

  At the front door of the surgery we got out, and my colleague rubbed his chin doubtfully. “She does pull a little to the right on braking, Mr. Hammond. I think we’d need to have that rectified. Or perhaps you have another vehicle available?”

  The garage man did not answer for a few moments. His spectacles were askew, and he was very pale. “Aye … aye …” he said shakily. “I ’ave another little job over there. It might suit you.”

  “Capital!” Siegfried rubbed his hands. “Perhaps you’d bring it along after lunch, and we can have a spin round to try it.”

  Mr. Hammond’s eyes widened, and he swallowed a few rimes.

  “Right … right, Mr. Farnon. But I’m goin’ to he busy this afternoon. I’ll send one of me men.”

  We bade him goodbye and went back into the house. Walking along the passage, my partner put an arm across my shoulders. “Well, James, another step towards increasing the efficiency of the practice. Anyway,” he smiled and whistled a few cheerful bars, “I rather enjoy these little interludes.”

  Suddenly I began to feel good. So many things were new and different, but the Dales hadn’t changed, and Siegfried hadn’t changed either.

  Chapter

  4

  “A VOYAGE TO RUSSIA!” I stared at John Crooks.

  Siegfried and I worked alone in the practice during the immediate postwar years, and this book is about that period. In 1951 John Crooks came to us as assistant and three years later left to set up his own practice in Beverley. Before he departed he paid us the charming compliment of “filling” a bottle with the air from Skeldale House, to be released in his new surgery with the object of transferring some of our atmosphere. Sometime in the future I shall write about John’s spell in Darrowby, but at the moment I should like to jump forward in time to 1961 in order to interpolate some extracts from the journal I kept of my Russian adventure.

  John was behind it. Although he no longer worked for us, he came back often as a friend and he had been describing some of his experiences in exporting animals from Hull. He often sailed with these animals as veterinary attendant, but it was the Russian thing that caught my imagination.

  “That must have been very interesting,” I said.

  John smiled. “Oh yes, fascinating. I’ve been out there several times now and it’s the real Russia, with the lid off, not a tour of the showplaces they want you to see. You get a glimpse of the country through the eyes of a seaman, and you meet the ordinary Russians, the commercial people, the workers.”

  “Sounds great!”

  “And you get paid for it, too,” John went on. “That makes it even better.”

  I sighed. “You’re a lucky beggar. And these jobs come up pretty regularly?”

  “Yes, they do.” He looked at me closely, and I suppose my expression must have been wistful. “Would you like to have a go sometime?”

  “Do you mean it?”

  “Of course,” he said. “Just say the word and you can sail on the next one. That’ll be sometime around the end of October.”

  I thumped my fist into my palm. “Book me in, John. It’s really kind of you. Country vetting is fine but sometimes I feel I’m sliding into a rut. A trip to Russia is just what I need.”

  “Well, that’s grand.” John stood up and prepared to leave. “I’ll let you know the details later, but I believe you’ll be sailing with a cargo of valuable sheep—breeding animals. The insurance company is bound to insist on veterinary supervision.”

  For a few weeks I went around in a fever of anticipation, but there were many people who didn’t share my enthusiasm.

  One cowman cocked an eye at me. “Ah wouldn’t go there for a bloody big clock,” he said. “One wrong word and you’ll find yourself in t’nick for a long, long time.”

  He had a definite point. East-West relations were at one of their lowest ebbs at that time and I grew used to my clients making it clear that Russia was one place they would avoid. In fact, when I told Colonel Smallwood about it when I was tuberculin-testing his cattle